You showered down the staircase, in waves of color and crystals

You left petals of pink orchids across the hallway

How coulld I remain in this place, knowing you were here

I’ll never walk down this old eroded street again, they’re to close to what I wish was gone

The past is to much of a burden to the present i’m in, it’s time that I walked from the pavement into the rain

Not one day becomes  anew,
without her having thoughts of you...
It  wouldn’t matter when or where...
...without even a trigger,
The thought would be there’.
In Fact....
For the entire time that she’s  alive,
not a single night goes by
That the moon doesn’t
Shine amongst  the stars in the sky
With out her asking, to her self,”WHY?”
She’ll ask of other’s for a while-
Who never  make it past denial.
And they’ll call your death a big mistake
You forgot how many pills to take.
She’ll  always wonder why they lied.
About the manner in which you died.
“Why ?” do they  torture the other with blame
Until nobody even dares mention your name.
There isnt a day or a night for the rest of her time  
that a memory of you
doesn’t come to her mind.
When  everyone else  woul be fast asleep ,.
She’d  go to her window
Where she’d  weep..
Trying to make sense of  each and every word
about your death that she heard.
She obsesses on any and all  thats been said.
But  they race and they spin and  they mess with her head.
No one can be trusted to give the  answer thats real,
Every tear is a cut that will never heal.
She knew she was more helpless
With each new wound that bled
She just wanted so badly to be  with you instead.        
                                             On her knees,beside her bed,
she saddly bowed her little head
and
resights the prayer the two of you said.
                        She clasps her hands and close  her eyes real tight
and pray that she could be with you tonight
and you’d  hold her ,you’d  tell her it ‘ll all  be alright .
On her broken spirit you’d shed some light
                              So that a glimps of  hope might  be in her sights
She’d stay up all night in  a pitch black room
with the shadows that she sees in the light of  the moon
thinkin its that times she gets to  spend with you
If ever  a wish she has happens to come true,
she believes with all her heart .that its because of you.

The Sad Fact is that through out  All her years,..
She won’t get that your the cause of her fears
your the heartache that wouldn’t wash away with her tears
and it’s You who’ll be the pain that never disappears .

Even  If no one ever again says your name,
you made your middle and her’s the same.
So along with that she‘ll always carry a sense of blame...
Why would you leave her to have live feeling  this shame.
No matter what she does that  will be the part of you that remains.


Guilt she’ll never find a way to erase,
She’ll look in the mirror and see your face, and
think your looking back at her with disgrace
And she long for a mother she can never replace.

For a mom she’ll never really know
For the love that couldn't grow
And the Love she’ll never be able to show.
Because she'll fear  that loving  is what will make love go
  As soon as she does,it has no reason to stay.
All she’s ever loved has been
Taken away.
Everything she believed in ...was all just pretend,
she wont be able to trust in anything again.
It was all for what,?What was it for?
Did you get the things you wanted more?
Did you proove some point you were trying to make?
Do you feel you made a huge mistake?
If you coulld go back and do it again...
.knowing what you didn’t know then.
Would you take it all back,would you find a way?
She’d be so happy if you would just stay.
There are alot of things in life We wish we could undo....
Do you think you’d  do it differently if you only knew?

Not one day becomes  anew,
without her having thoughts of you...
It  wouldn’t matter when or where...
...without even a trigger,
The thought would be there’.
In Fact....
For the entire time that she’s  alive,
not a single night goes by
That the moon doesn’t
Shine amongst  the stars in the sky
With out her asking, to her self,”WHY?”
She’ll ask of other’s for a while-
Who never  make it past denial.
And they’ll call your death a big mistake
You forgot how many pills to take.
She’ll  always wonder why they lied.
About the manner in which you died.
“Why ?” do they  torture the other with blame
Until nobody even dares mention your name.
There isnt a day or a night for the rest of her time  
that a memory of you
doesn’t come to her mind.
When  everyone else  woul be fast asleep ,.
She’d  go to her window
Where she’d  weep..
Trying to make sense of  each and every word
about your death that she heard.
She obsesses on any and all  thats been said.
But  they race and they spin and  they mess with her head.
No one can be trusted to give the  answer thats real,
Every tear is a cut that will never heal.
She knew she was more helpless
With each new wound that bled
She just wanted so badly to be  with you instead.        
                                             On her knees,beside her bed,
she saddly bowed her little head
and
resights the prayer the two of you said.
                        She clasps her hands and close  her eyes real tight
and pray that she could be with you tonight
and you’d  hold her ,you’d  tell her it ‘ll all  be alright .
On her broken spirit you’d shed some light
                              So that a glimps of  hope might  be in her sights
She’d stay up all night in  a pitch black room
with the shadows that she sees in the light of  the moon
thinkin its that times she gets to  spend with you
If ever  a wish she has happens to come true,
she believes with all her heart .that its because of you.

The Sad Fact is that through out  All her years,..
She won’t get that your the cause of her fears
your the heartache that wouldn’t wash away with her tears
and it’s You who’ll be the pain that never disappears .

Even  If no one ever again says your name,
you made your middle and her’s the same.
So along with that she‘ll always carry a sense of blame...
Why would you leave her to have live feeling  this shame.
No matter what she does that  will be the part of you that remains.


Guilt she’ll never find a way to erase,
She’ll look in the mirror and see your face, and
think your looking back at her with disgrace
And she long for a mother she can never replace.

For a mom she’ll never really know
For the love that couldn't grow
And the Love she’ll never be able to show.
Because she'll fear  that loving  is what will make love go
  As soon as she does,it has no reason to stay.
All she’s ever loved has been
Taken away.
Everything she believed in ...was all just pretend,
she wont be able to trust in anything again.
It was all for what,?What was it for?
Did you get the things you wanted more?
Did you proove some point you were trying to make?
Do you feel you made a huge mistake?
If you coulld go back and do it again...
.knowing what you didn’t know then.
Would you take it all back,would you find a way?
She’d be so happy if you would just stay.
There are alot of things in life We wish we could undo....
Do you think you’d  do it differently if you only knew?

There is this idea of infinite universes, in which every possibility is manifest, and this idea I enjoy… if paths chosen are limitless, then there truly is no room for regret.  A few times in my life I’ve experienced what can only be described as an overwhelming feeling that I had recently died, that somehow I had jumped from one reality to the next, where I was still alive… and I have nearly died on several occasions, yet there has never been a white light(so don’t ask), not even while I was in a coma and I experienced many types of ‘dreams’ that were very vivid and real... no, it’s usually just waking up in hospital rooms, or mental institutions, where this feelilng of purgatory becomes more persistent, and time moves painfully slow… I asked a girl once, during one of these lulls, when the feeling was heavy on my mind, ‘what if this is Hell?’ and I coulld tell it scared her though and I felt badly when her eyes got so wide… but why so afraid if she didn’t feel as if it might be true inside her mind?