Be open to my closedness
Resistance comes in many forms
Fear – is my resistance fear?
Fear of opening up, fear of going too far
Write, just write it all down
How it felt when she kissed my head and thanked me
Thanked me for speaking, for sharing
How it feels having a blanket placed over me
How it feels to have found a tribe
How to stay with self?
Just like this – by doing it
Answerable to no-one
Nothing to prove to anyone.
Relationship with men comes from relationship to father?
Don’t let them see all of me
Keep the wild, the introvert, the poetic soulful side back
Fit in with them, how they want me to behave
Don’t ask the challenging questions
Don’t hurt them
Don’t bring up hurtful topics
Don’t leave him – it will hurt him
Is it hurting me to stay?
Still don’t know
The other is constantly there.
Think of the possibility merely the possibility of resistance becoming connection
Don’t have to understand that sentence – don’t make sense of it
Merely consider the possibility.
Resistance becoming connection.
Can feel my mind working out the time, thinking about food
It’s all fine, observe the thoughts, don’t attach
The medicine is working, it is working
Don’t have to do anything
Go with the rhythm, trust the inner rhythm.
I can feel me here – no past, no future, just me.

All Clara wanted was clarity.
She wanted to be lifted from
this oppressive closedness of
all of those around her. She
felt free but only to herself
because she shoveled the joy
and passion and life that grew
inside her vigorously out into
the world. But with no one to
pick it up, to reciprocate her
joy and openness, she withered.
She never stopped until she
had shoveled it all from inside
her, and was left with an empty
vessel, no one to refill it with
their own. No mountains to
grow inside her, no rushing
river to fill her to the brim with
vitality, no seedling aspens to
sprout along her inner banks.
She felt utterly barren inside.
She felt weak from empty, faint.
Everything in her world seemed
fuzzy.

closedness
the
tighly
opening of
your
fist is


                   SPRINGwarm

                            wetwarmSPRING

                             cloaked in flowers
                             and reeling
                             with tough ***** tinder
                             to splay as girl lips

                              and




                               r       l
                                  e          ea       s       e