Death seems to come out of nowhere at times

And yet, death is everywhere

It is and one day will be everyone, and everything we know, everything we love, everything we care about

One day, it will be us

Today, death is Ian.

Death is Ian, with the goofy long hair and sleepy face and **** smile

Is it wrong to think of someone just-dead as ****?

Death is everywhere, every moment, but today, tonight, death is especially heavy.

Death is questions.
Is dying from kidney failure painful?
What happens now?

Death is an empty chair and desk in several classrooms on Monday, eyes drawn toward it but not lingering.

Death is a locker full of belongings never to be opened by its owner again.

Will they empty his locker?

Use it as a memorial?

Death is knowing that the name ‘Ian’ is on the mind of so many people in Carteret tonight.

Death is never graduating from high school. Never going to college. Having kids.

Death is the negative. The permanent.

Death is personal but impersonal, impartial and omniscient.

Death is not knowing which one is better.

Death is knowing that life will go on.

Life will go on with the loss of life.

Death is personal, singular tonight, for us, but it is unifying.

More than a pep rally, more than school spirit.

Death unifies hundreds of different people tonight in a way that is unexpected, uninvited, yet irrevocable.

Death is everyone and everything. Every age, every gender, every religion, sexuality, status, history, personality.

Tonight, death is Ian Jacob.

the roof rack:

george:

I pulled the car in the driveway and my father s standing on the porch, he s wearing boxer shorts and a t-shirt

"George, where s the roof rack, where s the roof rack to the car???

George, "what roof rack, dad?"



sam and george at seton hall university:

sam: "we were smoking *** and drinking beer, I don't know who brought it up but we decided to drive to Steubenville, ohio and run naked through the girls dorm, we made it to youngsville, Pennsylvania, we ran out of gas and didn't have any momey so we go into this store, tell the man we ran out of gas and don't have any money, he reaches into the cash register and hands me a twenty...  

stolen cars:

(we weren't stealing cars, we were joy riding...borrowing)

bobby came back with a car, I dove through the back window,  he crashed the car in Belmar, bobby was smart he walked down to  the beach, I went to main street and, the cops stopped me and I would of gotten away just denying it but my hand was bleeding and there was blood in the car...
the owner of the car claimed there was 2 hundred dollars in his wife s pocket book...there wasn't, I know, I went through it...

...I wasn't with sam but he sideswiped a row of cars on second avenue, it was front page news and I read about it...

jack:  they needed valets to park cars at the berkley carteret hotel, this guy pulls up in a mercedes and hands me a ten... I drove the mercedes to the nearest liquor store and bought a six pack. I picked up a ******* 2nd avenue, she really loved the car...
... I pulled the Mercedes into the entrance to the hotel just as the owner of the Mercedes was coming out. I jumped outta the car, handed him the keys, he gives me another ten...

miscellaneous zen moments:


it was the state fair at the horse farm and they were charging 25 dollars per person and jack was with his girlfriend, he didn't want to pay 50 so he climb into the trunk of  the car, unfortunately he put the trunk key in his pocket.

Marybeth pulls the car in front of jack's house.

Jack's dad, "where s jack?"

Marybeth says nothing, stares.

the voice from the trunk, "in here dad."

Dad shakes head.