A mountain hemorrhages cliffs of
sunlight just outside my dark front door;
it is the fifth wonder of my universe,
a morning marvel
framed by coffee
and cigarette smoke; it is
love, with hair of lush pine needles,
and a chest like an arm of dirt:

in your too-old two old
river-bed shoes,
in your dry desert clothing,
why does the fog beat you
like an immovable heart?

How can something so old
be dying; is the sky an
unforgiving wrinkle

more canyon than harbor,
or ship without captain

are we all
all we are
at the end, or is there more?

Pressure between your shoulders,
shaping your spine; shadowing the blind,
stress relief through ancient grief,
tho’ less wise you’ll still criticize
the actions of your reflections
painted in the mirrors leaking nightmares,

And in the end you’ll still evaluate
only when things aren’t great,
while I’ll continue to *******
on these precious tectonic plates,
painting over the old world
with new shades of chaos.

We’ll ***** and moan until we all grow old
and increase the fire until someone puts it out,
and yet we’ll never know what it was all about.

The answer buried under the aged wonder
flowing beneath my chambers,
never to be uncovered
until everyone is in the pit,
skeletal ash, so delicately rash,
now consequences return
as the careless burn.

and we are our own ****** hot spots,
erupting over your own ****** thoughts,
mixing lava where it doesn’t belong,
and ******* your world into a massive batholith,
a dried chunk of a once damp heart,
now contemplate how to complicate
and begin again from the start,
until the pressure of it all relapses
and from within a fatal collapse,
Poetic caldera relinquishing the day,
and all that you know will be broken,
and all that you don’t, you won’t.

Hate to say it
But hate,
Stay away

Once upon any given day,
Epitome of cliche
In serendipitous melancholy form a sorta alarm did force its way into what I call my red flag repertoire.
My naïveté in classic form mistook ,what seemed to be a general overall generic form of ,
One of many,canonized and I might add widely recognized cross culturally standardized communique .
A non rhetorical bait  used  In fishing for an innocent people response.
Which , to the best of my recollection unravelled a little bit like this......
Upon such a splendid mid morning hike to a much beloved utopian alpine snow crusted ,light blue frozen lake early august
a heavy ,comforting easiness clung lovingly to my young tortured psyche .....as it was unveiling to me this euphoric vision....
For the first time I could remember I had been given the keys to unlock .....me ,for I could see straight through time ....and I had no plans ,reservations or obligations....And with a paid hiatus work status.
An unprecedented glorious somewhat lascivious smirk was forming as I stood alone upon this solid granitical uplifted intrusive  batholith.
I  felt as though epochs ago this felsic majestic perch where I stood immersed in heavenly view of stevens pass all the way to Peugeot sound and beyond,had pushed its way into the county rock and stayed in appropriation for this day....,
I stood chest full of crisp ,
Cool ,refreshing clean air,
And yes somewhat aroused by some far off clouds which my pornographic mind had some how perverted .
Thats beside the point ...
I stood, blankly fixed gaze,slight head tilt with the south park Kyle like smile .
I almost swear I heard Angels singing........
Wait oh my ........
I closed my eyes tuned my head wrinkled my forehead.......
I ......do ......
I hear them .....
Wait ....theyre singing .....
***?!? .. Motley crue,?
The beginning of....
Dr. Feelgood........
Am I crazy.....?
Well thats a given ....
But *** is really goin on here?
I.........don't.....
Wait its my phone
Its ringing ...
Must be something excellent after all this build up......
I answered  bristling with anticipation.....
It's one of my buddies.  
He says" hey buddy   ,
Whataya doin ..........
For the next couple weeks?
And from then on
The onslaught continued
Untill I discontinued
Dismayed my cell phone
Moral outlook?
Took a horrible
Booked for suspicion of having free time.
Sentenced to a lifetime of
Hey can you help me with this?
Under intensive deep
Subduction.
Every plan previously made,
Waylaid!

Stale

Love me,
Love you,
You know I do.....
....
I just never get to have ....
Oh
...its an emergency ....ok im on my.........wait what
You need me to spring for everything ......right now your broke ,    
Ok youl pay me back though
Rieeeeet?
And what?
Pick up some coke .......
Ok .......
Actually  no
Not this time.......
Im grabbing mango pepsi.....
Coke makes me paranoid

This wrinkle in intrusive batholith
juts high with quickness
Decomposing slowly  I rage upward groping and feeling her nakedness  
I'm ravenous wreckless insatiable
There's only my sanity  to keep me from harm engaged to death
I laugh Ive disabled the alarm
This mountain I take for granted
This granite I color with my blood
I love her so dearly feverishly
I leap and bound
My heart pounds
I know there's gold and crystal my love she seduced me with samples
Under her moss
I heard her say stay
Dig deeper there's more ....
She is my love
She shall always be .....
She will never leave me
she will take my life.......
Some day surely
Its a pact we've made .....
When?
She still won't tell me.......
She calms me .....
For She sees the murderous
Rampage devouring my persona
Under this mask of happy go lucky
lies the Sweet suffocating sullen
Madness and it's wearing so thin.
She says SHHHHHHH
It clears me briefly ...
I muster on.....
As leave ....
The wells fill with salt and saline for to escape from reality
Briefly is sanguine .
Lucidity comes on
Memories flood in
She is the only distraction
I know .....
She keeps the razor from wrist
How many years ....
Gallons of tears ....
How many ?
My Mother sweet Mother
My Father .. Dad ....
I took for granted
My dieng heart longs.
This mountain of granite
Will take my life ...some day
Untill then i know she won't go away..
I try to break her take it all out on her .....
I know she loves me

She stays
She says.

One day it's All happy happy
Then its me me me
Then its what about me
Jealousy
Insecurity
Look at me
Can't you see me?
Can you hear me?
Hey   hello ?
Where'd you go
Vanity ,calamity
Tragedy.
Wait woe no
Help.......
Me
No hey
Don't go
Stop hold me
You can't be......
Gone instantly
Mom
Dad
Me
Alone
Death .
Wretched
Bellicose *****
Maestro of the hollow halls
Echoing from cathedrals of woe
Conductor of maddening maleficent screams ender of dreams......leading the u greatest symphonic misery
Don't look at me..... ..

I don't want to understand you..

I'm sorry because of you....
I'm sorry .....
You can see me
The real me
The bellows that blow gail force winds of the lee's
Continually into the white hot coals of sickening lust burning within
I'm sorry.....
I'm so sorry  for if I could
I would take the blade straight from the forge INVOLENTARILY
Run you through
And end you misery.....
I see you ... .
You can never not be
You take away love
Yet no one loves you
I'm sorry for you.
Is this my lesson
I don't get it  
My pain doesn't lessen

Both lids locked down
Rock solid
My escape .....
Not a sound
Still and silent
I take a quick psychic flight...... . ..
I can't achieve
Break away speed ..    ...
I feel a .......
Disturbance ....and I'm drawn to it.....
Something
On the horizon
I touch down near it......
Without light, my mind's eye
Cajoles the
Delicate silleoutte of an effigy...... In depths of cerulean hues.
It's my spirit ..
......... Weeping.
I loom slowly closer ...
As so,.... you know.. ,
I want to see it in it's genuineness.....
I reach out and it bursts before me silvery red flashes  .....in my mind and Im spiritually blind. ....and at the same time
Catapulting me at epic speeds to the surface.......
The physical realm   .......
Now my eyes see ...... .
I've been for some time in stigmata   .....
Fearfully full of random reoccurring   stupid things .......
Lachrymose
Almost to the point of recluse........
I suppose drove me to this
Exclusive fear fracture .....up here
A monolithic
Slab of frozen  stone
perched above
The town of Index....  
My fantasy go too town......
Town I long to be......full of gold and mystery.......
So much history ....and it's rugged unchanged beauty ... ..... protected by the quirky people's who live there........
High......
Really  really high.....
And so high above the world ..... Winter ish
Magnificent sunset  deep expanses of coral saturating into almost black...
I can't see the town though...
Not yet anyway......
Alone  on  this piece of intrusive batholith
I can't help but notice it......
ever so slightly grades toward the edge......
And the dark lurking  cumulous nimbus devouring precious daylight....
another three steps   ssssssssss
Is
All I need ..  .
In trepidation
I scoff at the mundane which put me in subjection.........leaving me without a choice .........
Daring me ...
And here we are I reluctantly forced the first step and felt as though I might step it up.
so to speak ..... And about to stride to the second step... and a eagle flew just above at me .....
Squelched out
A healthy screech!
Startled would be an understatement.
I
I
I
I
I
  stopped so quick .....
I slipped
....and horizontal.
Looking at my feet and the skyline .....threw my phone straight up
( I know this because when I hit the ground it then bounced of my face......)
Took my wind away  and
Oh my God the view was epic...........
The ice was desperately slick.......
And nothing to lay a grip on
I froze in more ways than one
...........
.....I slid limp my body followed every contour to the the the precipice ....satisfied with my life .....
Although not all together pleased with what I had done with it....
I gave in and let go........
The wind rushing by accelerating....  ...whistle frequency and amplitude increasing ......
ex·hil·a·rat·ing.
Then fear mixed in
In anticipation
Of impact ......
I flexed every muscle to the extreme      ..
Clinched to the max .......thought I could somehow escape,
if I could shake the heavens ,
with a primate like scream ..    .
I did......
It did . .....I hit hard  .......
I was so tight I bounced ..    .screams so loud  ........I
I    .    I'm a awake  
Where am I ?
I'm awake
I'm alive.....
I.......
Was standing   .......
On carpet    ...
In my living room.....
Is this.....
I mean was that ...
Could it have been a dream....
I look to the right
Cliff hanger on the flat screem   . . Neighbors porch lights all
Coming on.....
One of them on my lawn .... the only thing I got on....
is      I guess nachos.......
Close the blinds
*** sure everyone everything's ayite.....back to the couch....
TV .....
Restless leg syndrome .....
Ill get over this
Mid life thing

Out of this rut.......
Watch me ....I'll do it alone ......
I got this .....I'll be back
The Mac .  .
In the Groove
With a gangster lean ...up to speed ....check my strut     G!
But you know what B    
I'm gonna doit my way      .....
Baby steps ....
No frozen mountain top  selfies en ****

Hall knaw    
Uj
Uh awe    naw way....
F that  peace I'm out ......
Not that far out  ..  
Just  ... You . K.n o..........o....