It's 3:09 PM, I've just deactivated my facebook account. Not planned, or thought-out...just so. I know, it's a foolish and stupid thing to even take the time of noting down in words but so it goes. I'm not horrible, I've been worse. I'm just not...doing too good. I don't feel well, and quite frankly I'm too exhausted for the whole staying positive *******. Things like deactivating my lame facebook account and not owning a cell-phone by free-will...it's my way of modernly disconnecting from the artificial world I've held part of and the people in it. It's not that I'm trying to isolate myself or become anti-social completely...it's more like...I'm just trying to find some air, some real ******* fresh air to breath. I've been listening to Man Of A Thousand Faces by Regina Spektor on repeat this past week, and I just need...I just need to let my own self be. I'm at a distant public library away from home as I type this. It's one of my favorite places to visit and spend some quality free time at. Surrounding myself with books and records and strangers is one of the most tranquilizing methods I know. It's difficult sometimes...to accept that I'm twenty years old and in far reach of accomplishing my dreams. It's difficult to accept that my father's heart could fail again...it's difficult to accept that my mum has vertigo...it's difficult to accept that my uncle is dead, it's going to be a year since and I still cannot bring myself out of selfish denial. Loving is difficult, caring is difficult, trying is difficult, beliefs are difficult, feelings are difficult, I am difficult...and the thought of wanting to cry makes me want to cry because it's so exasperating and draining and overwhelming and humbling. I haven't written or posted much on here lately, but doing so right now gives me this tiny and odd and inexplicable crumb of...hope? It's difficult to accept death as much as life itself sometimes but nevertheless I accept it. I cope through it in the stupid little ways that I can. I become torn and furiously passionate all at once. I can only love as much as my heart can manage and work hard and try hard and cry when I feel like ******* crying because feelings are beautiful and meant to be exposed.
todo en él es lugar adecuado .

Aún recuerdo ese capitulo:
tú, tomando control de mi cuerpo
entre las sábanas blancas
sobre un colchón de alambres obsoletos

Tu mirada se aferraba a la mía;
inseguros si ese era
el instante adecuado
para lo que pronto ocurriría.

Mientras la calefacción
se estaba creando
deslizaste con ternura
tu mano por mi costado.

Nos dejamos llevar por los impulsos
y en menos de un segundo
nuestras figuras
estaban al desnudo

Podía sentir tu boca
creando caminos impecables
dirigiéndose a su destino
de manera prorrogable.

Llegaste al punto de encuentro,
donde dos mundos se unen;
fuentes de vida
donde los humanos se nutren.

Perdimos la noción del tiempo,
miles de teorías fueron reveladas,
en el episodio
de aquella inolvidable madrugada.