I'm getting used to not sleeping again.
Their voices, they ring inside my head.
It's getting harder to breathe again.
Each day, it fills me with dread.

Because I'm a woman I have to cross my legs when I sit
Because I'm a woman I have to stick by my boyfriend
Because I'm a woman I have to keep my mouth shut
Because I'm a woman I have to fear **** shaming
Because I'm a woman I have to keep mace on me
Because I'm a woman I have to look behind me as I walk
Because I'm a woman I have to protect myself or it's my fault

Stupid stupid
Thirsty boys in my inbox
Keep it in your pants
I haven't even had the chance
To acknowledge your existence
Getting it all twisted
Acting like my emotions
Are yours to call claim to
Dumb boy
Stupid boys
**** boys

I wish I was more than a convenience to you
You know exactly what you do
You only come to me when it's easy for you
You know exactly what you do
When you come to me with something for me to do
For you
I wish it was just as easy for you
To come to me when I need someone to talk to
Did you ever think it's not easy
For me
To do everything you ask me to

》》I've been really sad lately and drinking, a lot》and I'm trying to make myself happy but it's just not working 》 I get these thoughts that invade my brain》 and I wish I could skip over them, like a bad song 》but I can't, I'm just stuck///

My anxiety has been getting the best of me lately 》》 and I can't help but think that everyone close to me just lies to me, just to **** with me 》》 and i just wish i could get these ******* voices out of my head》》but i can't when everything around me seems to be crumbling apart 》》》

You'll be lonely forever,
If you let the negativity get to you.
You'll be lonely forever,
If you let it eat you up
And swallow you.
So you get stuck.
Your hole is deeper now,
And it's dark,
So dark,
That you can't see
The thousands of hands reaching out for you.
Yeah,
You'll be lonely forever,
While we all reach out to you.

They're just memories now
All tangled up together
Suffocating
To be brought up to the surface
Pushing
To be remembered
Aching
To be felt
Like ghosts
Memories are only phantom pains

i don't feel
like who i was
everything feels much different
than before
like a shift
moving up and away
from me
who i was then
stepping into
who i am
now

Oftentimes,
I have a lot to say
I just can't get it out,
Sometimes

The heat in my blood
That runs through my veins
It's in my roots
The pain from a name
The guilt and shame
It's in my roots
Rot and decay sits in the soil
And it's hard to breathe here
It's in my roots
Another trigger, another warning
And something is forming
Beneath the surface, I'm exploding
It's in my roots
I try to hide, mask it
Pretend it's not happening, gaslit
Trying hard to remain
To not go insane
It's in my roots

Missing you
kills me
not missing you
kills me
you see
being around you
***** the life out of me
pity
you could never see the light
pity
i thought I had to be the light
i tried so hard
to always be there
you tried so hard
to hide everything
from me
you thought, a fool
i thought that too
however
you'll never truly see
since my light no longer shines
for you

Try to silence me,
Drag me down
Try to hurt me,
Punish me
Try to lie to me,
Betray me
Try to slice me up,
Eat me
I will never submit.

I'm still writing poems about you,
******* disgusting.

Passing along the highway of memory
The bittersweet smell of what is
And what could be
I look at you and I say a prayer
You look at me as if I'm not there

Another day alone
Passes me
My mind is all muddled,
And I can't remember what today is
Do you know?
By myself
I find
more of me
And less
Of you
I can be alone
But,
I'd much rather
spend the day with you.

Unneccessary comments,
Sharp breaths,
And sighs.
Meaningless words thrown around
Hitting me,
Accidentally.
Unnecessary comments,
Sharp breaths,
And sighs.
Try not to take it personally,
Breathe in,
Out now.

You're choking me.
Can't you see, I cannot breathe.
Can't you see, your words smother me.
Almost as if your hands were wrapped around my throat.
I can't swallow,
I try and spit at your words,
But you spit in my face.
You're choking me,
Give me some space.