I am a book
worn out and torn
read so many times the pages are creased
many have heard my story
few have read it all
but each word is meant for me
to speak before I fall

Sometimes my eyes cloud with anxiety
Everything feels so imperfect
I try and connect with you but I’m in another world.

Sometimes you are lost in your thoughts
silent and observing
I told you I need attention, but you cannot always provide it.

Our insecurities manifest themselves
into our thoughts

Even on those distant days where I am sad and you are far away
I remind myself that my feelings are not always what they seem

I pick myself back up and learn to breathe on my own
So I can hold your hand again and you can let your thoughts be known.

Innocence is lost
in my hasty decisions

I regret every step I took

but the past cannot be undone
the steps are already made

it will never be the same.

Ugly and deformed I am beheaded
by the better version of me.

Before I knew of my sins.

Before I knew of my shame.

I am not perfect

I wish I was.

I wish I could be what you deserved.

I’m sorry I could not heal the boy that you were,
but I am not responsible for your scars.

I thought you should know
What I notice about you.

You pull me close when you notice I’m quiet
and when I’m too loud you let me shout.
You rub my back and stroke my hair
even when your eyes are tired.
You drive for me when I’ve been smoking
and tuck me in to bed.
You breathe for me when my lungs stop working
and hold up my head.
You wipe my teary eyes with your hands
and remind me who I am
You give yourself to me despite your fears
“I’ll love you forever” you whisper in my ears.
I’m so thankful that you’re in my life
I hope to never leave your side.