And I am a showcase of emotion
Unprovokingly shining like a sun
Cast away in the middle of the night
Afflicted with envy and jealousy
Dreading dark waters
Afraid of the waves
Lapping at my hopes

Fun fact
The girl I’m dating uses this site as a poet
And we don’t follow each other
Yet, I know sneakingly
We read one another's work
It’s quite interesting
Being able to view her words
For topics that are relevant to our lives
As I’m sure she would agree
Having the roles reversed
It gives a depth and understanding
To the colorful words of black and white
Where we’re saving one another
Last breaths and truths out loud
Grasping one another closer
Than any fantasy
And sometimes it’s hard
To breath in and breath out
And we’re giving all we have left
To you

Waking up in my own bed
It’s still been a while
Since I’ve felt like I’ve been home
Am I getting closer to knowing
Where we belong
For now
All I see is lonely people
In crowded rooms

I used to love to run and hide away
In the valleys of lost times
Watching the hills shadowy scapes
As the sunset licks the trees
Somewhere to the west
Where space and time collide
And desperate death resides
All just at the whims of life
As the summer’s night breeze
Carries our hopes to far off lands
And children dance in firefly towns
where we were alone
Just for a moment

Blank pages upon blank pages
White and black
Yet, electrified with everlasting colors
Of the things I don't love about myself
Such as the seeking of validation from the woman I love
In the way of toxic questions that I know will hurt me
I suppose I dislike the way I isolate and shut down
For when I've run out of words
The stark air can be felt encompassing the room
For I am truthfully the elephant in the room in my mind
Not entirely belonging to one thing
Enticingly scattered like torn pages floating down the river
The judge, jury, and executioner with the sentence passed down
Too soon before the hearing
I suppose I write myself off
For it's repeated behaviors that I can't seem to shake
Like when the summer time ends and closing in
Ever so approachingly like the tide in winter time
To be addicted to the complicated things in life
That bring sadness and wave away joyfulness
Where our worries won't be far behind
Next to the classic novels, finding our lonesome-selves
Welcoming oblivion

being a poet is not planned

~for Gabriella Garcia~

~~

a sixteen old soul says she understands,
being a poet is not planned,
forcing an old mans re-collection of the first time,
he made love to a virginal white
papyrus with muscles trembling,
body bent, chest bursting a rockets red glaring,
eyes marking the sheets with salty drip spots

what possessed the wrist veins
to wrest a cheap ballpoint pen to transfuse pain,
in a semaphore of uncoded ink blotches,
what was he thinking

was he thinking?

that it was an ejection
that it was an *******
that it was a tribulation expiation
that it was a tribute explanation?

that it was an injection
that it was a circumspection inspection
that it was a circumscision surgery of emotional complexion
excising an infection with a written genuflection?

try, but no might, the first is subsumed
by the thousands that followed dutifully
though his one poem  flawless, expertly recalled,
it will always be the next,
and unplanned just like this one too

who anointed his brow, the hair and forehead,
with oil pure, dripping down onto, into his cut cain marker,
who is not answering a query relentless
is this his plan, his appointment,
is this his flawed excellence,
is this his imperfect penance perpetual?

knowing well and full
now

the unplanned is his plan,
it’s his faceted flaws
that refract his coloraturas

~~

upon this he reflects,
praying that
god protect the
young poets
from planning
____
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2893127/unplanned