Blood
streaming down my face
I feel them
it touches my toungue
there's a mettalic taste
I wipe it off my cheek
the red is on my hands
I look around
no one's here
I feel the blood
flowing
now there's a salty taste
I know what it is from
it's from my liquid pain
fury
the turrents flowing out with the blood
they're mixed
my tears and blood
I reach my hands up
but I don't hide
I just wipe them off
but not completely
never completely
and I feel the mixture
I bring my hands in front of me
and mix the blood and tears
between my fingers
with *******
I make war stripes on my cheeks
I look ahead
at my battle ground
I stalk forward
an evil smile playing on my lips
I throw my head back
open my mouth
and let out a growl
that ended with a barking laugh
I look ahead
I keep going
out into the world
to show my scars
seen and unseen
I hold my head up
open the door
and walk out into the darkness
that unforgiving
untouchable
unseeing yet ever seeing
darkness

I am....
trapped...
inside my mind
I dont know what it is
there is beauty in front of me
I see it
I reach my hand out....
but stop.....
I look at my scarred and marred hand
I think of all i have done
the fighting
the torment that I put myself through
I know I do it
but I cant seem to stop it
but I stop myself now
how can I ever hold anything beautiful
because I know what that beauty is....
it's love....
but I'm too scarred
I seem to scare everyone away
because they see the scary part of me.....
I dont mean to show it
it just comes out
though I want to hide that part of me
that beastly part that hurts
I try to keep people close
that I want to protect.....
if they'd let me protect them
I've had to stand strong
and I do....
when I can....
but I break down, I just wait for noone to be around to see....
I hide but then I come back and stand strong once again
even if I just want to break down again...
I dont know what's left
so I ask
what's next?

I'm young, just wanting to express myself freely. I write to let my feelings go, I read to feel the feelings of others. I love to sing, listen to music, and writing anytime I can. In real life I'm not always social. Online, my soul is set free. I want to know what people think, truthfully, of my writings. I'm an awkward 17 yr old girl, that can play rough like the boys. I'm me.... though not sure who that is yet....

what's my place in life
i dont know
why am I here
i dont know
can you help me
no
why not
because I'm to weak to
oh
yea
ok
i wish i could help you
I know
do you want to go
yea, i always do
ok
yea
come on, follow me
where
we are gonna leave
ok
take my hand
ok
this way
whats next
what do you want to be next
i dont know
well, let's just keep going
ok
you know what
what
you seem as lost as me
thats probably because I am
do you know who you are
no, do you
no
well, what do you want to do
whatever you want to
ok....can i hug you
ok
we hug
you're an awesome person
so are you
how come we cant get anyone else to see us
because they are blind to us
do you know why
no, but i have some ideas
like what
they dont understand us
oh
yea
well, can we change that
i've been trying for a long time
oh
yea, i dont think it'll happen anytime soon
ok, well, I'm glad that i have you
and im glad that i have you
we hug again
will they ever change their ways, the others, i mean
i dont know, but we should go
ok
follow me
**we walk away

I'm afraid to ask
for fear of disappointment
but do you remember
what you meant to me
you pervert
in the back of the room
all the ***** jokes
they changed
into prayers
not too sure which
I miss more
dancing in the bowling alley
your contacts traded for
glasses that are a turn on
the beach
with me wearing
your pants
on the subway home
no flashlights in the dark
tripping into each other
on through the orchard
my cheek brushing
your unshaven face
me clasped tight
not wanting to let go
do you remember
the conversations we had
how could you
just let go so easily
and start a new life
when you're the only one I ever had

She looked in the mirror,
Looked back the sad reflection,
Told her to stay strong,
Oh, where did she go wrong?

Tears fell as she closed her eyes,
Through the tear stained face,
Just smile, she said to herself,
Wanting the tears to leave no trace.

Opened her eyes,
Saw a little smile,
The reflection spoke,
Her inner voice awoke.

The reflection began to speak,
She was no longer feeling weak,
''Don't let them know inside you're grey,
Just tell them you are not a prey.

The beautiful smile,
Use it as a tool,
Be strong for a while,
For the world you always fool.''



-SaniaOpai

She was like a
Full moon,
In search of
Her wolf,
Just like a
Gorgeous sight,
Everyday hoping that
Someday,someone would
Save her,
Only to realize,
To be lost,
Is the only
Way to be found.


-saniaopai❤