you did this to yourself

you caused the drama.



i was just the one to stop it.

i was at school,
talking with my friends
during lunch break.
i asked if he wanted to
write a poem, so i could post it.
he agreed, ("Life is a Lie" was the name)
i read the poem, snickering,
i told him,
"this is the type of stuff that gets on trending"
he laughed,
and i offers my other friend
to write a poem (Why me)
i read it, also snickering.
i looked at the time,
rushing to put away my things and
posting the poems,
i guess you could say,
i'm the friend who sticks
out of the circle,
the friend who's the
odd one and
doesn't fit in.
yes, i have more friends,
but i'm not included,
i'm not like them.

someone told me that i was a
l o n e r

i'm sorry that i don't have many friends
i wish they cared
but there's always someone taking them away from me.

your kisses are sweet like strawberries,

lips red like strawberries.

you taste like strawberries.

you have the sweetness of strawberries.

you can be **** like strawberries.


but like strawberries,

you slowly go rotten and leave me,

missing your strawberry kisses

ims o fuckigns stupif why cant i do anything corfrefctkt

my\hejkpl? ism so ******* stupid i cantg do this anymote

this aisnt oggod gor me ai can t - i cshoudnt do this.

maybe today’s the day

maybe

maybe

maybe

i

maybe i

should just

d i s a p p e a r

wouldnt it be easier for you?

why are they called sunflowers?
why do they represent "happiness?"
is it because yellow represents

h a p p i n e s s ?

oh well,
ill grow sunflowers
so i can feel
less empty
inside this body.

whats your favourite flower..?

the sun shines brightly
as bright as it could ever be
it warms up the earth
oh how so thankful we are
to be able to
call it our savior tonight.
no matter the clouds,
the present weather,
the time of the day,
the sun forever shines on us.

I’ve arrived.
I miss you Lizzie <3
See you tomorrow.
It’s a bit late. 9pm already.
I feel a bit jet lagged.
Hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow Lizzie

I’m boarding the flight to home.

See you in 18 hours and 45 minutes

Dear Tabatha,

I hope things get better for you.
Tabatha.
Tabby.
Tyler James.
Thank you for being in my life.
Thank you for everything, love.

I took a plane to Taiwan, today.

I like it here.

It's nice.

Dear, I do travel a lot.

Oops.

Maybe, next time I'll take my friends,

Zǎoshang hǎo, ài.

im happy, right?
if im happy, why does it hurt so much?
.
.
.

:)

i really dont know why,
ive suddenly gotten 21 notifications,
telling me that people enjoy my poems.
you guys are so
so
so
supportive.
thank you.

nothing could make this
small
13yo
trans girl,
feel
so
accomplished

thank you.

thank you so much.

i couldnt even explain it in words.

just.


thank you

made me feel like a better person,

was it half-assed?

yeah.

but i got my point across and let me clear the air.

im sorry.

i can hear is fizzing when its quiet.




fizzle.


fizzle.


pop.

blood on these walls have nowhere to run as if i were the blood and i could have gone.

dont you see? that im forcing myself to like her. that you're my source of happiness, one of them anyway, but it doesn't matter because everything is about her.


one cut, two cut, three cut, four. when will these lines go poor?

sleeping and slicing whats the difference? one of them only really cause pain

sometimes i want to die and sometimes i want to live .

i live for oone girl, though she'd never like me back, it's alright though.

i'd expect you to not know them as well as i do, since you still use the incorrect pronouns and name :)

**** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me

anyway, now that depressive episodes over, why not have another one?

you told her i was suicidal.

would i rather have a girl than a boy as a therapist?
what’s the age preference?

i don’t know father.
i don’t know.
a female who’s rather young?
sure.


that’s fine.

i mean,

i cant hear her name, right?

why the hell does it trigger a panic attack then??

anything that associated with her,

even the smallest thing,

triggers a panic attack.

so,

im sorry.

i killed the mood.

you just reminded me of her,

and triggered a panic attack.

ac is a bit loud today.


father asked to talk with her for a while.



i’m *******

i don’t know if they’re true or not.


it’s judt$ making me feel better because everyone’s taken except for me

the voices get stronger and stronger
as I stumble away I need your help
I cry but no one is awake

I keep going through this routine as I wonder

am I even worth it?



THE VOICES IN MY HEAD GET STRONGER EVERY DAY THEY WRAP THEMSELVES AROUND MY THOUGHTS AND

now they're all I can hear, even when the pin drops.

include you,

your smile,

your kisses,

everything.


and then it all went away when you showed your true side.

was i ever enough for you?

or was i just part of your play?

for you to wreck and destroy,


to tell everyone that i’m the villain?

why can’t you see that?

you’re shouting at me to the point where you break me,

i’m lying on the ground in tears with a booming headache.

you’re putting words into my mouth,

telling me that i’m not trying, rhat i don’t care about anything, that i don’t give a **** about you.

thanks for all those curse words, now i know what i’m worth.

worth nothing

i don’t care about anything because i’m gonna ******* **** myself soon

there’s no point in living so

i’m gonna **** myself.

wether that be today , next week or next month.

i’m gonna fuckinf do it

because to you and everyone else here

i don’t mean anything

i’m just a toxic ***** who manipulates everyone

i don’t try hard enough

i don’t care

i don’t give any ***** about everyone

wearing a binder

breathing heavily,


"at least i dont have a chest anymore"

i always knew you thought it .

It's a bit humid outside,
It's raining at the moment.
But,
Good afternoon.
I have been traveling a lot.
A few places in a day. It's a bit scary.
But, I'm grateful for being able to travel.

so uhm.
hi.
oh-
how have i been feeling?
honestly...
i’ve uh.
been thinking of killing myself.

again..

hm.

so uhm.

i just really wanna die.

to be honest,
i have everything.
knife.
rope.
suicide notes.

i’m ready.

my body doesnt trust you.
it doesnt know when you're gonna feed it again.
it thinks that you wont feed it.

so-

i thought i could trust you.
you said i could trust you,


and i did.

then you told her.
YOU TOLD HER.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE.

and.
you ******* told her.

n o w

everyone knows.
thanks to you.

:)

i can wear them now.

i dont need to hide my scars.

i just have bracelets.

but sometimes they move up too much

and you see them.

"you were in denial until you dated her which is ****** because that means you probably never liked me when we were dating *******."

when good things come, they don’t last.
i don’t deserve good things,
the world has shown me that multiple times.

why?

im not interested.
sorry man.

perhaps,

somethings are better off unsaid,

you said you hate my music

have you even listened to the lyrics?

im trying to tell you how i feel and




you dont want to hear it

how it feels to hurt hurt hurt

until
i can’t

hurt anymore

and all i feel
is dread and emptiness

just how much longer can i take this