i’ve been slowly killing myself for two years and no one has stopped me.


n o
o n e

i slam my head against walls, doors, anything that’s hard hoping for my brain to collect too much pressure so i can D I E

how it feels to hurt hurt hurt

until
i can’t

hurt anymore

and all i feel
is dread and emptiness

just how much longer can i take this

i miss when we had a thing.

help me
he’s gonna ******* **** me because he had to share a drink with me

he’s making fun of me

i’m

i’m gonna ******* **** myself soon

if i’m sick then you yell and scream about how i’m faking and lazy and horrible and run everything and

but if he’s sick then you cry and coddle and care for and drop everything

and the difference between us is age and the fact that i am chronically ill and he is a drug addict

“how come he don’t want me?”

i wish i could rip out all of my organs and die truly empty

ill never love another like you

digesting food has never been harder

is it wrong of me to be jealous?

you didn’t seem to care too much when you saw me last.
i guess it’s different since it’s your parents but
could you act sad? just a little?

i feel unimportant to you. i feel like im nothing to you.

for someone you claim to love so dearly,
you don’t seem to care about leaving me behind at all.

WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR MY PARENTS TO CARE ABOUT ME

you deserve to feel the hurt you gave me

when is it an appropriate time to die? i am so done with this.

everything is a battle with you

you are supposed to love me and cares for me and talk to me and give me flowers and

i don’t know.

the bare minimum.

i am jealous of others because their partners show their love for them and talk to them and everything.


i feel like just a friend.

a waste of your time.

just someone to call your partner just because

i wish you knew the physical pain i feel in my heart every time you do this

i wish you knew i pray for him to let me go in my sleep peacefully

i wish you knew that i have no reason to keep going

i wish you knew just how much i love you

i hope you know it’s not your fault

if i die then i won’t have to deal with all of this hullshit and pain and stupidity and eveufjjgn i need to be gone now!!!!!!!!! then they will all realize they ****** up and are stupid

owo

you are my worst ******* nightmare i   remember everything you did every time i am alone  i  can never forget what you did to Me   but to you   i am nothing  but a liar   and a horrible person    Maybe think about what You   did to me   for years   and allowed others to do    Remember your body shaming   and manipulation    and general abusive behavior but  Oh  Oh!!  you   are always the ******* victim

i wonder if you’d notice if i passed.

okay guys

for some reason, everything is always my fault.
you ruin everything, you make me have to apologize to parents because you can’t control yourself, you take all of my things, you curse and say slurs, you bully and belittle me and others,

but for some reason,
it’s my fault.

it’s my fault that you cursed in front of my student, it’s my fault that you bully me, it’s my fault that you take all of my things, it’s all my fault.

but

i didn’t even do anything.

you do all of these things

yet  i am the only who gets yelled at and punished.

i feel as if
i am not the one meant for this body
i am not meant to be here ?

i am not meant
i am not

i don’t know who this is
i don’t have a purpose
i don’t have a future
i have nothing
ii would be better off dead

the pain in my heart in unbearable and i feel like im being crushed with all the pain the world has to offer.

i feel tears streaming down my face yet i feel no sadness.

i fight and fight and fight everyday
only for it to amount to nothing
and to feel even more pain the next day.

i don’t want to do this anymore.

i think it will be okay if i die soon

you take away everything that makes me happy

you dont like me. i know

until my ***** bursts  i

im not your perfect ***** <3

i ******* care about you

you dont care about me

i love you

you dont love me anymore

you hurt me

you break me

you make me feel bad

you're one of the reasons that knife cut my skin


and i love you and would take a bullet for you

you berate me for being sick
you berate me for being home
you berate me for wanting to go to school
you berate me for depending on you
you berate me for working


what do i  even do.

i will keel over and die  and it will still be all my fault

i thought you coming home would make a difference yet i feel more alone than ever

knowing you,  

your life would be so much better if i just disappeared and you show me this Every Single Day.

I am just the mistake that you regret every single day.

I am just a burden

"i swear shes not replacing you. she was just there for me when you had your online relationships"



no. she's replacing me.

she's replacing all of us.


you're just letting it happen.


i'll find someone else since it seems like you don't need me anymore.

you said you hate my music

have you even listened to the lyrics?

im trying to tell you how i feel and




you dont want to hear it

you expect too much.
he doesn’t wanna do anything
you expect me to do something

i’m sorry that i’m not ******* good enough for you.
i’m sorry that i don’t want them to touch my ******* things.
i’m sorry for having boundaries????

it doesn’t feel right to be in this female body.

i want to be a boy now.

my new name is evan.

i could become an eboy

they seem nice

i am unable to be loved
for i am damaged goods
too far gone to repair

what does it feel like to love?
do i love him?
or do i love her?
i don’t know.

i heard he likes me;
but what does that mean?
does he enjoy my presence?
am i fun around him?
do i make him happy?

he used to like my best friend though,
we joke around, saying
“oh he has a thing for orchestra girls”

unfortunately, i can’t say i like him back;
but i also can’t say that i don’t like him.
because i simply do not feel such a thing.

i heard that if you want to spend time with a certain person,
for the rest of your life, you love them.
if i want to spend the rest of my life with one person,
to do amazing things like,
travel the world,
overcome all our fears,
and so on,

it would be nobody.

depression
anxiety
PTSD
stockholm syndrome
insomnia
anorexia
bulimia
paranoia
bipolar disorder
schizophrenia?

let me **** myself already

i’m not worth it

i’m a bit broken right now, not gonna lie.
i can’t sleep and- 6/24/2019 12:19am

i must’ve given up. thrown the phone across the room.

i can’t breathe.
i’m crying
my hand hurts from punching the door

and it’s all my fault.

ITS NOT MY ******* FAULT THAT HES A *****

HE THINKS ITS OKAY TO HIT THE DOOR AFTER I SAID THAT IM GETTING READY.

I HAVE A LIFE, YKNOW?

I GET READY IN THE MORNING BECAUSE IM NOT LIKE YOU.

I DONT SIT IN FRONT OF THE ******* TV ALL DAY TO PLAY GAMES

I AM A FUNCTIONING HUMAN BEING WITH RIGHTS AND-

and i want to die because of you people.

i make everything for them just to get nothing

my heart aches because inside i know i don’t love you the same because i am treated poorly

i just wrote 5-6 suicide notes to people and im not done yet

oh  i am meant to die soon   i see nothing  for my future

bye.

“i’ll beat you until you get above average”