his hand rests heavy on my leg
as if someone has threatened to
steal me away from his embrace

our trust is in the basement
locked away in solitude....
sometimes when he's away
i sneak it prayers under the doorway

grips on my arm become too tight
when he discovers my clandestine doings
"you don't deserve trust"
he screams with his eyes

i put on the perfect smile
he wants me to have, but
my soul craves freedom
from these chains i've allowed
it to call home for so long

i asked him how much longer
we would allow ourselves to
drown in each other's dubiety

but he didn't understand my metaphor,
so he locked me away too, leaving me
only with sanguine whispers between
me and what never got a chance to truly be....

"you'll grow out of him"
my brother's whiskey stained voice
whispers words i hear too loud

i won't.

"he's not good for you"
my mother's wide eyes
try to convince me

he is.

"you don't actually believe y'all will actually end up together do you?" my best friend stares straight
in a reminiscent daydream, nothing but
mistrust and the scars of encountering
artificial love in her eyes

i do, i tell her.
and she shakes her head
grieving my heartbreak to come

"just promise me you won't love him too much"
my grandmother pleads as she runs her
fingers through my hair

what if i already do?

i want to get high in foreign cities
travel to places i have yet to lay my eyes on
pack a bag and take off, my only motive to feel free
i want to kiss lovers on pavement my toes have never touched
beneath trees rooted with legends in their leaves
ensuring everlasting love
and i want to feel light, rather than weighed down
anchored to one small town
i want to drop everything and get away
to places where time is altered
and the stars are always present
whether it be in the night sky or people's eyes
i want to fall in love with strangers, cities, and scenes
i crave so deeply to feel free
to start anew

but at the same time
i want you to come too

s.s

he stares at me with dedication
never batting an eye

he never does anything more than stare,
as if i am his constant line of sight

a coincidence i suppose

but unlike the others,
he never darts his eyes in a new direction
when mine meet his

we are in a staring contest
me and the boy across the room

not a word said
never a sound made

maybe tomorrow i'll run away
to a city i've never seen
and play music i've never heard

maybe i'll meet a boy
who has no destination in mind,
but a plan to go anywhere but home

maybe we'll hold hands
and cross oceans together
never a word spoken between us
but an understanding of the wonder at hand

maybe we'll hike mountains
and scream our lungs out at the top
open our arms and hear our echoes
through the vast plains upon us

maybe one day we'll be treading through the snow
with frost bite noses and persisting hearts
he'll look at me and without saying a word
i'll know, this was his home all along