It is going to end,
I am going to cry,
Not because it's over,
But because we didn't try

Tell me now, that it'll be okay,
Tell me somehow, we'll find a way,
Tell me it isn't a one way street,
Tell me, please tell me, crossed roads will meet

Weary from all the breathing,
Exhausted with the shreds of conversation,
Worn out of the pretence,
Drained with all the thinking,
Just...





Tired.

A peculiar smile,
Eyes bright,  
About Stephen Hawking,
I dare write
According to him,
It may be -
In another universe,
He is friends with me,
Perhaps that explains,
This feeling of loss,
In microgravity he floats,
Furthering his cause,
Selfishly I think -
After life will be okay now,
With Stephen there,
Figuring how,
An exceptional intellect,
As the world knows,
He was much more,
His humour shows,
Sanguine,
Seemingly “wheelchair bound”,
Nothing stopped him,
He knew black hole sounds!
Thank you,
The man who studied time -
I hope somewhere,
You’re reading this rhyme

A constant headache,
A perpetual frown,
I can't even hide it anymore,
Everything is going down
I keep quiet,
For fear the words will be acid,
Garbage thoughts in a swollen head,
Silent storms in waters placid,
A dry throat, an empty heart,
Deep in the abyss,
Far from the start
Take me in, devour me once and for all,
Shoot me, take away the pain,
Go ahead, please don't stall

Leave,
If you must
.
.
.

But return,
Before I'm dust

I waited for your call, but it never came,
I called you then, you insisted we're the same

How can that be true, if you never reach out,
How can I believe you, with a heart full of doubt?

We never had a deal, but I always honoured my part,
Why did you stop? Rather, why did you ever start?

You said beautiful words, that resonate in my mind,
Were they empty? Or did reading between lines turn me blind?

I want to hold you so close, that we're almost one,
I want to do so much, but these thoughts I must shun

Why am I attached to you, like a caterpillar stuck to its cocoon
Was it meant to be, or did I feel too much too soon?

I don't want to be the beast of your burden, an ***** you're forced to sever,
But I don't want an existence without you, the thought makes me quiver

We mattered to you, at one point, I think that's true,
That time has passed, I'm getting around the new you

You'll have a change of heart some day, that's all I can hope,
I'll hold on as long as I can, until you cut the frayed rope

The shadow ran, as the figure stood still,
The shadow leaped, like it had no free will.

The shadow wondered,  why the figure turned frigid,
The shadow wasn't inspired, it began to feel insipid.

The shadow existed,  because master was alive,
The shadow revelled, in the days master would jive.

The shadow turned, to see if it still reflected master,
The shadow cried; the lights were a disaster.

The shadow was desperate, for master to act,
The shadow was in the deep, it couldn't retract.

The shadow began to fade, as master remained aloof,
The shadow was dead, master pulled off another spoof.

You are - everything
Certain is - nothing
For you I'd do - anything

Mind generated,
Mind boggling,
Mind numbing,

... Thoughts

Today is about missing you,
About missing your spicy fresh perfume, that I'd begun to love,
About missing your plump fat nose, that I never managed to pinch,
About missing your intense and sometimes senseless banter, that I'd never get enough of,
About missing your attempts to reduce the amount of coffee I drink, that I unwillingly adhered to,
About missing the quarter piece of a jam toast, that you always saved for me,
About missing the way you calmed me down, when we faced storms together,
About missing how you took note of everything, a new hair clip, that I knew you'd like on me,
About missing your watch, which you never took off, because of what it meant to you,
About missing your stories, and the zest with which you narrated them,
About missing your photography, how you captured my best and worst moments, when I wasn't looking,
About missing our shared love for yogurt drinks, and how we analysed each one we drank,
About missing how you screamt 'Mogu Mogu' when you found your favourite drink, in my favourite café,
About missing your big hands, that were strong and gentle at the same time,
About missing those few drives with you, talking about everything and nothing,
About missing how you surprised me on my birthday, with chocolates and a scarf, that feels warmer than any other,
About missing your silly quirks, like carrying your backpack around everywhere, which only I understood,
Today is about missing you

Every mark I try to make,
Turns into a scar;
Maybe I should just be a wallflower,
live and die,
Till I return to the night sky a star

There are scars in places I haven't seen,
There are nights you wish you couldn't dream

There are things which were taken away,
There are losses that will always stay

There are moments you want to die,
There are times you're too tired to cry

There are feelings no one will understand,
There are burdens that don't let you stand

There are people that broke your faith,
There are monsters that keep you encaged

There are nights when you let yourself grieve,
There are days that don't let the nights leave

There are all these unhappy things and sorrow,
But my love, there's also  tomorrow

Silent crier,
These words are for you,
Let them comfort you,
That’s what they’re meant to do,
This trouble that engulfs you,
Won’t last forever,
Happy days that follow,
Won’t stay forever,
In the momentary illusion of fleeting joy and sorrow,
Look up to the sky,
Remember there is tomorrow

I always seem to miss you,
When I am a little sad
I don't always tell you this,
For fear it'll sound bad

But I miss you in sadness,
Not for cheering up,
I miss you in sadness,
For we drink from the same cup

These lines don't make much sense,
As most of life does not,
I'm just missing you right now,
Knowing you'd understand my thought

Too pure to be touched,
Too fragile to be loved,
Too perfect to be desired,
Too good to be true
...**you

Maybe these desperate attempts to prove my love,
To prove I'm a friend,
To prove all that is true,
Have led you to believe the opposite;

Maybe it needed to be effortless,
To let the effortless conversation flow,
To let the effortless comfort of silence be,
To let the effortless love bloom

And even when you thought nobody understands you,
Somebody understood

And even when you thought nobody sees your struggles,
Somebody saw

And even when you thought you don't deserve love,
Somebody loved

Not all love is the same,
Not all love can be the same;
Understand what I mean when I say,
It's not that you haven't known love,
You just haven't known me

May I tell you?
In all the inappropriate words,
How much you move me;
How your very existence,
Leaves me speechless;
How your smile,
Hides your dark, but lights up my world;
How I've made a home of you,
And I'm feeling homesick under this roof;
How you may have the most twisted life,
But I still feel the most uncluttered with you;
How you've become everything,
My sun, the force my world revolves around;
How every thought has an underlying thought of you;
How it has become impossible to deny the inevitable bond that you may sever, but I will always, always, always hold close,
As close as a heart and its heartbeat,
As close,
As we

I close my eyes,
And you're here,
Lying next to me,
We're playing with each other's fingers,
It escalates to a thumb wrestle,
We're laughing,
Tickling each other, hands all over,
Laughing, giggling, happy,
Your head resting on my stomach,
My fingers running through your hair,
And you fall asleep,
I open my eyes

How did we end up here?
This is not remotely what we planned
Young adults with once starry eyes,
Watching our dreams slip away like sand

There were goals and ambitions,
There were some mighty plans,
We knew their magnanimity,
But they seemed just in the reach of our hands

The hustle was always part of the deal,
We knew that from the start,
We hustled and sweat all we could,
We even gave it our heart

Do we accept defeat then?
And call it a lost cause,
Surely this can't be the way our lives end,
Let's just call it an untimely pause

To exist, is to love you,
to love you, is to exist

There should be a day, dedicated to celebrate you,
A shrine, to give a place of solace to your devoted lovers,
A song, to glorify you with all the right notes, and lyrics befitting your magnificence
And most of all,
There should be a heart,
To hold yours,
In its splendour, and its devastation,
And that heart,
Should belong,
To me

Dreams have deadlines,
Know when you missed one,
Then focus on the next

You were holding yourself together with glue and tape,
I wanted to help,
So I foolishly flung a bucket of glue at you,
And then cried foul when you broke

My thoughts... Wildfire
Me... Ashes
You... A Magnificent Phoenix

When they come for me,
They'll find me alone,
No lover, no friend, no mother,
Alone,
And I will rejoice,
To be in that state,
Unchained from clutches,
Memories erased,
I care not if you later remember,
And regret you didn't let me be,
You forced me to surrender,
Made a puppet of me,
No I won't care,
That you thought me a fool,
Label all you want,
Make yourself feel cool,
I've believed your lies,
And I've fought for you,
And the real **** up is,
I'd do it again too

There are as many interpretations,
As there are words

There are as many words,
As there are ideas seeking expression

We are what we are,
And we are nothing more,
But what if what we are,
Is just what I was looking for?

I could taste your tongue,
You could smell my fears,
Why did we stop in days, baby?
This was to go on for years

I have a limited supply of your photos,
I see them almost every day,
At least one,
Sometimes two, sometimes all of them,
They reaffirm you're real, angel

I have a limited supply of memories,
I replay them almost everyday,
They get intertwined sometimes,
I can't tell one from the other,
They're all my happy place

I have a limited supply of songs,
I listen to them almost everyday,
Made by you,
Shared by you,
They take me back to you

I have a limited supply of things,
I touch them almost everyday,
Given by you,
Chosen for me, by you,
They feel like you

I have a limited supply of shenanigans,
I smile about them almost everyday,
Shared with you,
Understood by you,
They give me a hopeful tear

I have an unlimited supply of prayer,
I repeat it everyday,
Devoted to you,
Believing in you, for you,
It keeps me connected to you



*I have a limited supply of your photos

We were lost, but it was a good time
Only because we were lost, did we each other find

Kids thrown into the big world, a whole new one for you,
We were looking for a foothold of sanity
And bumped into a common ground of promises new

We held hands in theory,
2 blind people helping each other through,
But we thought the world was blind,
And sight was just for me and you
An unknown minute apart,
Would turn our lives upside down
We were tourists finding our way,
In a strange strange town

Our dreams seemed to shatter before our eyes,
But we gave ourselves hope
We took solace in the fact,
That 'least we were at the same end of the rope

We prayed, that the light at the tunnel may appear
We insisted we're brave, even when we were crippled with fear
Those fits of laughter that we shared,
Seemed like oxygen on a mountaintop
We were warmth,
When below freeze point the temperature dropped

So you see,
We were lost, but it was a good time
Now we're lost again,
And I just want that old time

The lies you said,
The lies I said to myself,
The ruse,
The abandonment,
The uncharacteristic desperation,
The unexpected separation,
The feigned interest,
The lost respect,
The empty conversation,
The full heart,
I can't tell,
What hurt most

"What's wrong?", you ask
And as the world crumbles to dust,
All I manage is, "nothing, all good".

What has happened to you so far,
Is not your story;
It is the beginning of your story,
Rather, it's just the first page,
Twisting the plot,
Choosing the central characters,
Weaving the conversations between them,
Marking the end of different chapters,
While carrying lessons learned from them,
Taking it forward exactly as you want to,
Taking it forward as you wish it would have begun,
Or as you wish it ends,
That...
That is your story

A hole in the gut,
And a gut feeling,
Do you trust the apparently holy?

You have the most beautiful smile,
Breathtaking,
Especially that careless one,
When you think no one is watching,
But I've stolen a look,
There's no hunger or poverty in the world, for that moment, I swear
Time stands still,
The curve of your lip, and the glint in your eye,
Set everything in order

Which words do you believe in?
The ones uttered a thousand times over, but as hollow as their sound,
Or the unsaid ones, that silently live, but mark their presence at the most unforgiving moments

Which anticipation do you rely your thoughts on?
The one pounding you to give up, and accept a lost cause
Or the tiny sliver of hope, beyond reason, pressing you to stay

Which person do you want to be?
The victim that let the outside world decide his destiny, and romanticized the disaster
Or the victor, that overcame, chose, killed, buried, burned, and rose from the ashes, stronger than ever before.

And why can't these walls be pictures of you?

And why can't the air carry your fragrance?

And why can't music be notes of your laughter?

And why can't mirrors be your eyes?

And why can't food taste like your skin?

And why can't every touch be your embrace?

And why can't time be a long drive with you?

And why can't newspapers carry stories of you?

And why can't rains be a shower with you?

And why can't walks be conversations with you?

And why can't the world revolve around you, when mine already does.

An inconvenient life,
A commitment to being honest,
Bad idea

You're going to retreat back to your infinity, oh ocean,
Why do you then, keep crashing your waves towards me?
Each time they appear, I shimmer bright,
Just as the sunshine's reflection on your chest,
I rejoice in your arrival,
And within moments, you take away my lustre*

- Seashore

I just had to get out of there,
She was too much,
She loved me, no doubt,
But we often hurt the ones we love,
In the very name of love,
I tried,
I tried hard to work myself around her ways,
'Cause I knew she meant well,
But the hurt was getting too much,
In my life that's out of control,
And what was worse,
I found myself comparing her to*  you
The only one I ever loved,
The only one who knew how to love  me,
*She was a friend,
But not that perfectly fit piece,
To fit the empty space in my jigsaw,
Taken away with you

They guided her,
They were friends since she made their acquaintance,
She didn't know all of them,
But the ones she did, she knew them well,
And guarded them fiercely,
For in the times they lived in,
They were abused, brutally abused,
Stripped off their meaning, bastardized
And she couldn't stand it
To her, they represented so much more than a space filling sound,
And using them inappropriately, would just not do
They were her comrades,
Her support system,
They answered questions,
- She couldn't ask,
They questioned ideas,
- She thought unquestionable,
They fooled her some times,
But never by their intention,
She played with them,
Weaved one of a kind garments out of them,
And gifted them to the ones she really loved, like a specially knit sweater,
They kept her warm,
They kept her content,
They kept her hungry,
~ Words
Only words,
Are all that she had...
To do so much more,
Than take your heart away

It's 4.47am,
We promised each other we'd try to sleep at 3.08am,
But I'm consumed by thoughts of you,
And this happiness and affection that'***** us out of nowhere;
Scares me.
I fear not a change of your heart,
For I've been there before,
Walked on that shaky floor,
I fear inadequacy,
You meteor of a person,
I want you to have the best,
And with no intent of self deprecation,
No tolerance for being told I'm worth it,
I know I will fall short,
I love you more than any emotion I've ever known,
But I want to feel okay about you loving me too.
Good night