I miss her
like ink misses the page
when i can't seem to think
of the right words to say .

I love her like the heavens,
and to the moon I pray,
the only wish I ever have,
that every shooting star could stay .

If there is a god of love,
how could one create
this old heart of mine
just to feel it break

...

i miss my camera that was stolen
my guitar that i sold
the paper running out of my last note

ink is slowly drying
i feel i'm slowly dying,
i'm panicked, and i never really know

Why

I cry

Inside

i got arrested last night
for the first time in a while
the girl that makes me sad
used to make me smile

And she still could
If she would
Try



smoking cigarettes like they're going
the way they already went
i've got too many thoughts
on my mind to vent

feels like I'm falling
losing all control
breaking down and broken
feeling so alone


i've never been this scared
never wanted to be free so badly
that it tears a gaping hole through me

i feel lost and
i'm struggling to breathe
searching frantically for an answer
something to help me see

I've forgotten all the tools
and things that kept me sober & happy
all i'm wanting now
is for everything to be over & that
                                                    scares me

I feel so much older,  now
and I bruise so easily
my heart may never mend
like embers slowly dying

a fire's going out
and my hands are trembling
my mouth is dry
and it hurts that
nothing left excites me

I leave the phone on,
when I should shut it off,
' cause i keep thinking maybe you'll call. Maybe you'll text and say
just the right thing,

I don't know what that would be,
but it could happen,
finally
you might think of a way to tell me the words that could fix everything.

Help me breathe

help me sleep

Your words could fix me , again.


And I wish you would,
but I know you won't,
and when I should shut off my phone,
I'll leave it on,


just for a little hope.

I don't really think of you anymore unless I'm dreaming,
or when my eyes are open and the Sun is beaming,
unless rain falls or birds start singing,
or if I see a plant or flower and wonder of their name,
and for every tree I pass, it's the same.

I don't really think of you except to wonder if you ever think of me,
or when I'm trying to focus at work
on anything.
I only think of you ,
probably when I shouldn't be,
or when I've nothing to do
and I'm just bored, ya see.

Ahh, but when the sun sets
and I know I'll soon find sleep,
in the face of the moon
and the stars above me,
it never seems to fail
memories of you return to me.

Because
I don't really think of you anymore, unless I'm dreaming.

Thursday

Your "good morning" text to me
came early, and made my heart smile deep for the first time in a while.

Mandolin Orange on my headphones
makes the work day run smoothly,
and since I can't help but think of you anyway, might as well be tunes that help those thoughts tingle and glow nicely.

Wish I could tell you,
how I just wish for you the best
things in this life... and hope you meet someone someday that makes you feel
the way you do me.

I hope one day you let someone love you without a defense.
...And I wish that either one of those people could be me.


You told me last night about
your "least favorite quality of mine,"
well there's my least favorite of yours...





And I will choose to hear "I love yous,"
...
In, "Good morning" texts
moments that take your breath
late night calls
smiles, sighs
and "I miss yous."
...

I'll venture far out past my memory
Write you poetry
from the city of love
Starving, mail you sweet words
from hard miles, hard bread
and cheap wonderful wine.

Once I've
met the one,
seen the city,
and written songs,
maybe, "love" and I
can be friends again..

You feel so far
so far away
I think of your smile
it drives loneliness away

Remember the time
when you felt the same
You got scared
but it's okay...

Sometimes words
are hard to say
I love you like the stars
and miss you everyday

they say that whiskey
will never hold you
like a good girl can

but I'll drown this heartache
with a bottle in my hand

'cause i'm tired of feeling
and i really don't understand

so i'll be drunk and lonely
till it don't hurt again