The first thing in the morning,
Then as thoughts during the day,
As daydreams,
Then as dreams at night,
You never stop plaguing my thoughts.
Sometimes I allow myself to enjoy something
but when my consciousness returns,
You are there as thoughts
It’s not the thoughts that bother me so much
It’s the feeling of emptiness that follows
It’s this emptiness that I dread.
These thoughts come in waves.
The first time it hits me, I fall
But I rise back.
Then it comes a second
A third and then a fourth time
And I stop trying to get up.
That’s when I let it all wash over me
That’s when I realize I am really powerless
That’s when I wish I could freeze my thoughts.

Maybe today is not a good day
Still tomorrow won’t be better anyway
No, do I text you again in a month?
But you have that thing on the tenth
A year from now?
You will have something somehow
I was just hoping to talk to you
I wasn’t going to argue
So, do I just wait?
Or, If I said I was tired of waiting
Am I crossing a line?
And If I said I had to stop chasing
Will our friendship decline?