And the saddest reality
Is death's fondness of man
In The inescapable mercy of it hands
We're all bound to die in the end

Silence was a canvas
And no one could paint it like you could

Loving you was the last thing
I felt really good at

"I bet your mother would be proud of you "

I hated a wounded man
With a swollen pride

We walked through every corner of our fantasy
Wrote essays of the pleasure hidden within our resolution
Adamant that the torture of our adultery, was torture to us only
We bath our skin in the bloods of our innocence
What had made us become so famished?
Why had we relished in the depths of our depravity ?
Why did we live in a love where you and I were nothing but a fantasy ?

I received a letter today
And tear drops adorned the page
Why were you crying
If the words you wrote , were words declaring your hate
But no words you say
That could ever sway my understanding
For I know your words of hate
have another meaning
And my love I speak your tounge
For I know you simply meant
You love me more than anyone

Before she is your wife
She is my mother
Before she is my mother
She is a sister
Before she is a sister
She is a daughter
Before she is a daughter
She is a human
And how do I live with the fact that she is just as mortal as
The rest of us

Sometimes...
I'd dim the lights
Close my eyes
And huff of "cherry peach lemon"
Give myself a honey flavoured daze
And imagine my soulmate



No one came to mind

I grew wings
At the sides of my teeth
I flew words
Long before I could speak
I made a bed
Of all you meant to me
Yet here I stand
Alone , in these sheets
So find my peace
In what's left of me
Walk her pain
Through the kiss on her cheek
Feel my tears
As you hold her hand
Take me back to that foreign land
Where you loved me

You made pain sound so hauntingly beautiful
That all your flaws became freshly jeweled dimes
But everything was temporary when it came to you
The Pain
The Pleasure

I have died far too many times , than I have given myself to live

I yearned for an eternity
A lifetime where it was only me
Where each fibre soaring in my lungs would finally breathe
Where humanity rested at my feet
I craved the feeling of utter destruction
The feverish feeling of everyone dying
But I was no GOD , no worthy being to rule the world

I wanted to glue every part of me to you
And dance with the devil you had become
I wanted to feed off the pain in your eyes
As you cried rivers of bloom
I wanted to be your spring
An everlasting flower loitered with thorns
I wanted to feel the beat in your chest
And match it's rhythm to mine
I wanted to be yours in every form of the word
I wanted to paint onto the blankness of your canvas
And ruin the innocence dancing on your tongue
I wanted to burn the engravings of my name on the nape of your neck
I wanted to kiss at the scars I made
I wanted to caress the coral on your cheeks
And watch your smile fade into pleasure
I wanted you to want every burden bruising your shoulders
I wanted you to fade into the distant thoughts of others
Yet vividly lust at the thought of being mine
I wanted you to be mine
I wanted you to cradle at my yearning
And feel all that I feel for you
I wanted you
I wanted to graze my teeth on the layers of your skin
And read between the creases of you eyes
I wanted to learn every twitch of your thumb
And trace it's skin on my lips
I wanted to drown in your abyss
I wanted every single piece hidden within the creases of your eye
As your face creased with a smile
I wanted you to be mine , feel like mine , dream like mine , word like mine , walk like mine but with that unjustly sinking feeling I drown in the realisation that you could never be mine

And for the first time
I made my brother cry
All I had to do was
Tell him the tragedies
Of my life

I wanted to die
A noble man
With a wall full of achievements
And no one
Saying my life was unfulfilled
She wanted to live
A grandmother
With a wall full of promises
Now she will never fulfill

It hadn't even hit me yet , the urge to feel , to love , to live , yet here I was hating it before it even begun .

The words feel heavier when they're standing before you
You feel your throat swell and your tongue twist
As hard liquor feeds at your cavities
Finally the courage to word your pain
But no one likes a  sober man , who swallows liquor to comfort the strain

Now starts the chant
Of
A
F I R E
B R E A T H I N G
M A N

With this stabbing ache my chest
My hands quivering at the screen
Tears dancing at the brim of my eyes
Craving something I had never before
What was happening to me ?

And there we were two worlds colliding, one of complete loneliness the other heart felt freedom

And before we could even realise it
Everything we had talked about
Felt
And seen of each other
Was dumbed down to a simple moment
A moment where your eyes were filled with pure lust
No gravity holding the innocence of
Teenage love
My skin bare before your eyes
Did you even love me at all ?

You had always asked me what I loved most about you
"I loved the tragedy in your eyes"
              ... " It made me think I could fix you "

Drowning in an abyss of comfort
Disrupted by the misfortune of chaos

As I scrapped the scabs on my skin
With and eraser
These colours stuck at the corners of my eyes
What an eye sore I thought
But people looked at me weird down the street
And they silently whispered
"Did he beat her too"

I wish I could write love poems about you
But I've realised the love I feel that deep for ,  is not true
So I save my devotion at the tip of my pen
I'll never write a love poem about you , not now , not ever again

I have overstayed my comfort in your hands
By knowing that we ruined our love
With our temporary

Passion spilling from the brim of his eyes
Words cannot capture
They cannot describe
As his hands creep between hers
She thinks comfort
He thinks salvation
And she catches his gaze
Doubtful of his intentions
But he finally words
His gaze
I love you , he finally says

I'd rather be convicted and put to death
FOR MISANDRY
Than ever be accused
Of
LOVING A MAN

Tuesday night, my mother sits , her face buried in her screen
Blues playing on the radio at the neighbours house
My brother yells from across the bolder keeping us apart
My door opens , freshly presented with a new responsibility

Breathing , had so feverishly left ,
As the words echoed through the pen keeping me sane

My mother had brought me a request ,
A journey through the cracks of our house,
Whispering the imperfections of my efforts
My books sadly abandoning me in the abyss of my cluelessness
Pots ringing in the distance ,my mother notices my exhaustion
Considering her yearning for my duty
The door shuts pulling the last of my efforts at its tail
Victory! Shortly lived , as the voice blasts into the oblivion of my echo
“RUN ME A BATH OF COLD WATER"
“AND DONT FORGET TO BREATH"

And grief had chewed its way through my skin
Ripping the walls I had tirelessly built apart
I was dying , simply because you had died too

Do you know , I have pressed against the veins of my heart , to teach myself the feeling of unloving you ?

I valued my currency
Time was value
Love was value
Value was currency
Currently currency was money
Time is money
So pardon my greed
When my love dulls the edges of your credit card
I valued my currency
You ask me to love you for free
And now I let you go
BECAUSE I VALUE MY CURRENCY

It was a Tuesday
The morning stabbing at my eyes
Uniform hanging on my door
Getting ready for the day
I walked into my mother's room
My brother being dressed on the bed
His oblivion mind
And milky teeth whispered
To me
" She was crying"
and I told him to hush
As I realised how human she was after all

When everything hurt
And the world faded before my eyes
Huffing for air and patching at my lungs
I looked and searched for the redundancies in my existence
Only to kiss at the realisation, that maybe the world does not deserve me

The only reason I didn't give you a chance
Was because my *** was the reason
I caught your glance
You said
At the rate I'm plucking my feathers
No one will ever desire me as much as you would
I battled you with my morale
As much as I could
Cause I knew
Boys like you
Dancing on the edge of their manhood
Never ever understood

Take this kiss on the nape of your neck
As
I rid your heart of the pain I may cause it to bare
Bathe every piece of me with inevitable envy
For I long to spend my endless sorrows with just a touch of your skin
Smoothen these calloused hands with the finest lotion
So
They can finally reach for your warm embrace
Twist my bones and crush them into the finest dust of narcotics
So
You can get high off my fault line
Then toss what's left of me into the sweetest blazen of beauty's  Beast .
Preserve all the wonder in my eyes
For
They know no boundaries when cast on your shadowy figure
For I have longed for just the rhythm of your voice
To hypnotize the blind man I've become
Even so
I must leave my love , for I serve no light to your dimmed frame of beauty
I am a stained being
Who
Stains as she leaves
So
Do not water your sheets for a heathen like me
I
Do not deserve the waters of your love
So
Carry your heart with ease
As my hands are stained with a past I cannot bare to speak
For
When I've loved ...
I've only silently lost

I wish I could see life through a shaded lense, maybe orange, maybe blue , anything but clear

Am I slowly loosing it ?
My urge for a youthful touch
Adorned with purity
As our passion fell into the hands
Of our ignorance  
The grace hidden in the teeth of a young mans
desire so new and fresh to his skin
It's the first women has stiffened his shirt
The carnage of innocence
Dancing at the young man's
limbs
Harshly absorbed by his virtue
The cobwebs of saliva at the edge of his mouth
As he journeyed the cave of my ***
Smell, the young man's breath
A Trembling mess , calm yet stroked with feral lust
So cute and burdened with fear

When all I wanted ...

Was the ripened flesh
Of a stoic man
Edges burnt out within his youth
Tainted with books of lust
Arched by the burdens of his very own desire
A man , so wise yet so foolish to the fire hidden within his gaze
Tragedy lingering in the numbers on our heads
Hairs washed by the ashes of dusk
Mercilessly feeding on my youth
Feeding me the pollinated saliva lingering on his youth less flesh
Words dragging the last of my purity , tipping me over my edge
His hands a vision , to a *** so new to my skin
Fingers curling and dragging my virtue through his teeth
A man so aware of what his doing to me
So easy to beg , for my lust to be achieved
Fear of rejection , a factor unknown to my mind
Silent instructions , whispers of praise as back arches from behind
A man so silver and grey
Hidden in the performative gestures of my peers
Breaking my dominance into heartfelt submission
Speckled flesh at the nape of my neck
Blood rushing to me to my edge
Crippled innocence as I'm driven to my edge
Harsh and mercilessly snatching the young man's hands from my memory

And there we were dancing with the stars ,how we always did
Knowing in the depth of our hearts
That we will drift apart ,how we always did
But how tragically lovely it is to know , you still love me
How you always did

December was fun
...
When everyone was still alive

It's the simple pleasures we enjoy,
Reading a book
Telling a story
Sharing a beer
Singing a song
Anything at all
To remind us we're human

This city drowns with our memories
How am I to live in it
Without you ?