****
just like HIGHSCHOOL
IM NOT POPULAR

We seek to be free
but yet we confine
OURSELVES

Within walls
within debt
CAPTIVE

Mother Nature
had all to offer
FREEDOM

But yet we
cut her down
DESTROY

To make supplies
in order  to build
HOMES

They come with
hefty monthly payments
COST

As we sacrifice
her loving nature
****

As we sacrifice
our loving time
PAYMENT

To fund this dream
containing ourselves within
WALLS

Physically and mentally
as we accept this
REALITY

40 hours a week at work
56 hours a week of sleep they
RECOMMEND

There’s only 168 hours  in a week
that leaves only 72 hours left
SPENT

Now subtract kids sports games
school events, dinner dates and
TRAVEL

So our biggest expense is spent
on a place we hardly stay
STUCK

A mortgage is kind of sounding
like a timeshare at this point
REALITY

But the banks are nice
with their low interest rates
OFFERS

It used to be a couple generations under one roof to help
EACH-OTHER

This made sense as the kids got babysat by their
GRANDPARENTS

The houses were paid off quickly if not bought in cash from everyone
CHIPPING-IN

As they grew bigger they built another home or two or added an
ADDITION

That was back when the values were stronger than ever
BEFORE

Now families struggle apart and are in debt up to their
EYEBALLS

As the kids go to daycare and the grandparents are in elder
HOMES

Old and alone no purpose to live without any family to
VISIT

Talk about irony as we have been sold for many years
MARKETING

On what the banks and economy need versus our
FAMILIES

12 days ......
may not seem long

12 days ......
I’m still going strong

12 days ......
the longest I’ve ever went

12 days ......
since alcohol has been absent

12 days ......
working hard

12 days ......
choosing to discard

12 days ......
is just the beginning

12 days ......
the start to a pattern ending

Pounds of heartache
answered with
equal ounces of beer

Pounds of disappointment
answered with
equal ounces of liquor

Pounds of hurting
answered with
equal ounces of ****

Pounds of me ****** up
answered with
equal ounces of tears

Pounds of mistakes
answered with
equal ounces of grief

Pound for pound
I answer everything
equally leaving me

UNBALANCED

Teacher says: "spell dad"
student replies "g.o.n.e"
Teacher says: "spell mom"
student replies "w.h.o.r.e"
Teacher says: "spell love"
student replies "I dont know how"

My mind a never ending letter factory as my memory captures photos of the past and instantly associates the thoughts with words as it collects the letters simultaneously to create the words necessary and as quickly as my fingers can type them to write the story a poem is born

Each poem a direct reflection of a reflection of myself like a time machine taking you on a journey opening up a specific memory of my life in 3 dimensions as you get the images along with the emotions from the feelings I felt

So to say I write from personal experience is an understatement because I don’t write at all but rather type the images caught from a past I don’t always remember until a trigger within brings it up

And when that happens I just run with it , I’m just a “Rob”ot for the letter factory up above typing as quickly as I can just trying to keep up

That’s the reality of my poems as most of them require little to no time to create as I’m just the fingers behind the madness of the created words from lost images triggered from an unforgiving and never forgetting mind

BITTER TRUTH  / REALITY

If only I could turn off my mind but unfortunately it’s not a realistic possibility it’s always in overdrive on overtime

Before I would ignore it and be stressed out having a mess for a head with all the confused thoughts from misspelled words as a result of loose letters

It would just bottle up and my emotions would take over and create a ticking time bomb as my mouth would then clock in and the unknown words would spill out hurting others even loved ones

🤯 EXPLODE

So when I say poetry has saved me, I truly mean it as my words on paper sound a lot better than screaming them at others randomly from a factory explosion as a result of missing a healthy outlet : POETRY

Ashes to ashes
dust to dust
Trust to…….
lust to lust
I ****** UP

...............................................I
................­...............................R
................................­..P O W E R L E S S
...............................................D


...W
K I L L S
   L    O
   L O V E
          E

WILL KILLS LOVE
LOVE KILLS WILL

MY LOST LOVE
COST MY WILL

TIRED...
POWERLESS...

It’s 4:11 in the morning
and I’m not tired

I woke up from a deep sleep just thinking about you

My heart started racing as my mind tried to keep up

If only I could forget you but it’s more complicated than that

It’s 4:11 in the morning and I’m wide awake now

And all I can think about is all the mistakes I made

The games we played and how our love went astray GONE

But no matter the pain you have caused me, I just can’t forget you

Its 4:11 in the morning and I wonder where are you

I don’t know why since you left me and you’re no longer my problem

I guess regardless the culprit or victim I still miss you

Although it seems dumb as you have moved on

It’s 4:11 in the morning and I’m not yawning, I should be tired

But I’m not just sitting up thinking about your love

My body getting all worked up as my mind starts spinning all these thoughts

My heart pounding against my chest and I’m left knowing I didn’t try my best

It’s 4:11 in the morning and I want you but I know I can’t have you

We’re states away not by accident, the space was needed to prevent a relapse

And although I want you , I don’t need you

You we’re my one, I truly believed until you gave up so easily on you and me

It’s 4:11 in the morning and I’m done rewinding my feelings for you

As I know you are home sound asleep, not devoting a minute of lost sleep to thinking about me

And it’s sad now, I think how ? Could I be so weak and the only answer is .... I really ******* loved you

But not no more , I’m only human so I got to remind myself
of the pain you caused me

it’s 4:11 in the morning and now I’m reminded of all the drama

Like 2020 spending Christmas all alone , I left my past in Indiana

I made a life with you in Vermont and as Covid took over I lost my job

That’s when the tension took us both , but I couldn’t rely on the woman I loved , LOST

its 4:11 in the morning and my thoughts are calming my heartbroken nerves

As the feelings remind me that it was you that discarded me

Like a piece of trash to the sidewalk, or meat to the wolves instead of battling beside me

You threw salt in our loves wounds and for that you’ll regret it one day

it’s 4:11 in the morning and I’m going back to bed now


I realized so quickly , you’re not worth the lost sleep that the few good parts of you I remember are nothing compared to the parts that left me

You gave up so quickly without any fight left to try to overcome the differences we shared

I just needed a companion to support me but you couldn’t even be a good friend

It’s 4:11 in the morning and I’m going back to bed , feeling a lot better than I ever did , just thinking about you

I'm never 100'/,
blame my brain
it's a bad battery

You crane 
Pole and
Rush a
Chin a
Your up
Us a 
Come on 
Denom in at ors
Let ors 
Con son ants 
An duh
Vow else 

So it seems 
we all bleed 
We all fear
we all exist

We ALL are 
Letters in the same 
Alpha bets

Infuse
with abuse
but not
just any type
Lets go verbal
as in just words
because I’m to scarred
to be hit anymore
or fall victim to others hands
EVER AGAIN
Maybe some basic
NAME-CALLING
some yelling and shouting
and the occasional low blow
beneath the belt
backstab
BUT PLEASE
NO VIOLENCE !!
PHYSICAL
Or better yet
make some threats
tell me I’m no GOOD
If verbal abuse isn’t
GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU
and you still are hell bent
on breaking me down
I would prefer
Mental over Physical
because once again
I just can’t take being hit
as well as I can
the emotional disrespect
My past gave me plenty of
practice at being very
ACCEPTING
of it
Mental Health AWARENESS

Abuse a noose
a rope tied tight
that once removed
still has a tight hold
Old scars still freshly
BOLD not by others
nor by view but rather
the story behind what they
HIDE: THE TRUTH
A dark secret to most
a dark story you HOST
a love lost
your MENTAL HEALTH
the COST
Feelings of being
UNWORTHY
Feelings of being
UNDESERVING
attracting
BAD ENERGIES
like a MAGNET
but until
YOU REALIZE
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT
GET HELP AND MOVE-ON
OR you will always be the VICTIM
to the ABUSE , the NOOSE
around YOUR NECK

Physically weak
Mentally unstable
Socially disturbed
Emotionally battered
Economically drained
Psychologically f**ked
Damaged goods I remain
Thank God, I love who I am
Because I feel no one else can

A   C
  C     E
             P
   👁👁     T   👁👁

Ups and Downs
Rock bottom
Finally at eyesight
With my true self
REFLECTION
"They say, the truth
will set you free"
But I think
The truth can
Hurt far more
Than it helps
A    C                                       N
   C     E                                O
​​​​             P                          -
                T                    E
WHO YOU ARE        V
And try to             O
                         M

You deserve better
I know it’s hard to believe
their flaws aren’t your fault

Insecurities, 
are born from outside sources 
Dont let them come in!

My brain Medusa
no snakes
just chains
holding me back
latching on and forming bonds with other vices
chemistry kicks in and I’m the host to a really bad experiment
LAB-RAT
As other insecurities are drawn in with permanent marker
INK
Morals get lost amidst the combination of bottled up frustration as every thought a result from combustion, anger erupted as words come out with formed conclusions like an involuntary movement
BRAINWASHED
A life spawned from a web of lies, all a result from lack of control over my own thoughts the cost is not just that of my own blood but also the loved ones that I formed into victims
GET HELP
Mental Health Awareness

A Rubiks Cube 
traveling 1100 mph
​​​colliding against 
A deck of cards
laying face up 
fully exposed

A humans soul 
many sides
very colorful 
A humans soul 
many suits
very unpredictable 

A Rubiks Cube
traveling 1100 mph
colliding against 
A deck of cards 
laying face down 
fully hidden 

A humans soul 
many faces
very dark 
A humans soul 
many numbers 
very predictable

Notice
better than
"Know"tice
don't assume

I'm going through a selfish stage
but this is my change

I don't mean to be rude
but I finally feel important

I know what I need to do
so I just need to focus

I apologize to those that
I have made feel unnoticed

It's not on purpose so
please don't take it personal

I'll overcome this phase
and be way stronger

I'll become someone better
and be way more supportive

I'm going through a selfish stage,
you deserve better

My ultimate goal is
to become that for you

I don't mean to be rude
but I finally feel worthy

Here’s a lifelong tip
always be yourself in life
it’s all you can be

A flame of passion
unaware of its power
Burning with no awareness
pouring mugs of gasoline
ALCOHOL
Waiting for the reprucussions
still yet to come
INEVITABLE
A flame of passion
unaware of its harm
Burning with no intentions
pouring mugs of gasoline
ALCOHOL
Waiting for the reprucussions
still yet to come
FORTUNATELY
A flame of passion
unaware of others
Burning with no answers
pouring mugs of gasoline
ALCOHOL
Waiting for the questions
still yet to come
Thank God

a world of infinite trees
                all forced to coexist
          each with their own history
branching out from different soils
          procreating more from stemmed roots
a ring inside a ring and so on and so forth
          hundreds of years before and hundreds more to come
                   each new tree resembling the past but also unique in identity
          millions of millions all within the same world living
some more grounded than others naturally
          others with loose roots fall easily
many are dead before born
          it's the unfortunate truth
              all forced to coexist
            a world of infinite trees

I need more friends and compassion like I need another *******, all these problems and scars were created by others but I'm forced to wear them, all the offenders are missing, kissing more victims with the same lips that *******. The riots ended when I surrendered myself to solitary confinement, the silence killed all others minds so for once I COULD HEAR MINE! I hated what I heard but with every word I acknowledged the pain, strain and mental drain it had inflicted on me! The rest is history the mystery solved from words not spoken, from opinions not shared, from no prescriptions but from HAVING A ******* HEART AND KNOWING RIGHT FROM WRONG! Face your demons before you let them out, don't fear what you can't see, believe in becoming someone you can be proud of!

Dear Alcohol,

You were there for every fall, since the day I turned 21
You have always been some1
I truly could count on
When others let me down
Or truly just didn’t care
You were just a call away
No matter the time or day
Wether a bad memory from
my childhood past
Or an argument with my
current or last love
Whenever they didn’t
see eye to eye with me
You always had my back
Helping me to dilute the pain
Of suppressed feelings of
thinking I was unwanted
You have matched ounce for ounce every single tear over the years, I have ever poured out
You have never judged nor have you ever turned your back
You accept me for me regardless my past
So for that reason you have always been in season
You have been a crutch I’ve felt I needed throughout this journey called life
This breaks my heart to say this
but I only want what is best for myself, call me selfish but I can’t keep remaining your
ACQUAINTANCE
The truth is you’re just not any GOOD FOR ME , but that doesn’t mean I hate you
Nor do I blame you
For I am an adult and have always had a choice
It turns out all the relief you have provided, I now see as I get older is only a temporarily band-aid and I want the relief that will last a LIFETIME
Not just a quick fix that in time leaves me more broken
So for this reason I realize
that it is you that MUST GO
This isn’t just an idea that I’ll change my mind on
Nor is this a part-time feeling
but rather a quick, precise and firm decision to cut you totally
OFF, We can’t even visit
even if just for a minute because we both know that’ll lead to hours and within a day or night I’ll relapse back to the stage of an unhealthy version of myself , I hope you can forgive me but if not
I totally understand and realize you are entitled to your opinion but I know in my heart
I MUST MOVE ON !

Sincerely ,
Robert  J Grove

Be optimistic, the bottle is half full. I cannot stay positive! I know I will finish it all and when it's gone so are my morals and values too! The glass isn't half full, my troubles are halfway here! That's the real life answer!

Before and after
The fake laughter
Never noticed
Surrounded by doubt
She sees that within him
She knows his past
She knows what she wants
She lives in the moment
She saw through the fear
Energies collide
Passion never questioned
But what we want
Isn't always in our time
Lost in those moments
Lost in her eyes
I would gladly
Give the rest of my life
To relive those 60 seconds
Knowing my last moment
I spent breathing
Was looking into
Her knowing eyes
Away from judgement
Before and after
The fake laughter
Before the inevitable pain

I don’t miss the darkness
that held my subconscious and mental health captive however the writes about those battles and fights were fierce

I don’t miss the pain from my last heartbreak as it’s been almost a year  and I finally feel over it however the writes about those battles and fights were heartbreaking

I don’t miss the blood and tears from my childhood years as those battles and fights are far gone now thank god however those writes were the most raw and intense poems I could ever write and now it’s all behind me

So that leaves me with a little less fierce, a little less heartbreaking, a little less raw and intense writes but I guess there’s a certain happiness that comes with the more missing

Drugs, alcohol, rock and roll music, partying and ***
Mixed emotions victim of adolescence
Mental, physical, ****** abuse a familiar acquaintance
What do I know ?
I was just the sponge in the oven absorbing every single one of those demons
Before I could speak, I knew how to communicate
Before I could comprehend, i knew how to listen
It involved no words.....
JUST FEELINGS

Biden my nails in frustration, sick to my stomach at the recent news.
If only we had a leader Putin his foot down, we could've avoided the noose.

I’m in the front seat
I can’t say
it doesn’t feel great
I wish I remained
in the backseat
still with her and me

We remain away
but together we remain
always in spirit

I’m on fire
STOP, DROP & ROLL

I’m hurting
SIT, KNEEL & CRY

My heart is broken
NO CURE FOR THAT

My body feels weak
SIT, LAY & RELAX

None of this matters,  SHE’S
GONE, DONE & MOVED-ON

MISSING
AMBER ALERT

A spiraling staircase leads below to worlds unknown


One sign resides at the top before the first step drops

———————
l   CAUTION    l
l  enter at own  l
|       RISK        |
———————
            |
            |
            |  ­                           ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\|

What thoughts race through a curious mind as you look down

As far as your eyes can see long and it keeps going

Other bystanders keep passing by never even taking a look

Until finally you decide to get close and commit to one step

WAIT! someone screams in fear for you causing you to back up

What, wait, huh , what do you mean you mutter confused

The gentleman says “ you must not be from around here “

If you were then you would know that this stairway is a trap

You reply back “ what do you mean, I don’t understand “

Just trust me kid it’s not worth your time , you must move on

Go! Get and never ever be tempted again to consider

For what lies below none of us know for one mere fact

Not one soul has ever lived to tell of what is down below

As you turn to look back down at the endless stairs that spiral

You look back at the strange man and he’s no where in sight

Your body gets chills as your mind’s thoughts cross paths

You are drawn back to that sign but this time it is totally bare

———————
l                       |
l                       l
|                       |
———————
            |
            |
            |              ­               ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\

You start to get creeped out wondering, how this could be ?

But yet that dark black spiral staircase leading down remains

You put your hand on the top of the rail ¥ as you grasp it firmly

You lift your right foot to plant down on the first drop...

Don’t ! Someone screams as you retract your foot back

What do you think you’re doing ? Cant you read the sign !

The woman in a dress-suit finishes yelling  at you

You reply back what do you mean ma'am I’m confused

She firmly reaches out her arm and points her finger at it

———————
l         NO.        l
l  Trespassing  |  
|                       |
———————
            |
            |
            |              ­               ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\|

You plead with her you never read that or those words

But rather it stated something different before

She laughed hysterically and scary loud with her head back

And when she came back to eye level with yours .......


You couldn’t believe what you saw ..... it’s your ex-girlfriend

What in the hell? you ask as her hands turn to claws

The gentleman’s voice from before yells “ I told you so “

Run, Run, Run! He pleads but where? as you’re  cornered

The staircase the only place left to go as her eyes turn red

Thorns appear from her hair as her heels explode off

You feel stuck in place, truly lost not knowing what to do

She takes her claw and points one last time at that sign

You look in fear and cannot believe what you read

———————
l GET OUT OF l
l   MY HEAD     l
| NOW, NOW   |
———————
            |
            |
            |              ­               ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\|

Life suffers
it’s upon us all

Death lingers
it’s upon us all

Born to both
raised until we fall

Down, down, down
hopefully not to far

But rather raised again
from the ground

Regardless the soul
it must live on

Upon us all

A big ugly rug lays on top of the old wood floors covering up the ancient dust from many years before

On that rug lays an old mutt dog with shaggy fur all knotted up from playing outside all day in the woods named Buster

He lays in the same exact spot every single day and night so much his fur and dirt outlines his domain where he stays inside

Just a foot behind that fur outlined spot where the old mutt dog lays on top of that big ugly rug that covers the ancient dust upon the old wood floors sits an old man on an outdated plaid reclining chair named Bob

Bob at the start of everyday and the end of every night enjoys sitting on his outdated plaid reclining chair with his feet up just behind his old mutt dog with shaggy fur all knotted up named Buster who is laying on his fur covered spot on the big ugly rug that covers the ancient dust upon the old wood floors
smoking his old wood pipe filled with Indian tobacco

That was until after many years of this exact same thing the old man Bob had to put his old wood pipe filled with Indian tobacco down from his old black lungs coming down with cancer

And shortly after that big ugly rug that covered the ancient dust upon the old wood floors where the old man named Bob sat on his old plaid reclining chair no longer had an old mutt dog with shaggy fur knotted named Buster sitting in front of him because he had to be put down and all that was there was an outline spot of fur for a reminder of a **** good dog and an old wooden pipe with no Indian tobacco

Watered down confidence
Triple shot of emotions
Love pours out
just as quickly as it is
washed down ....draft
Uncertain my true place in life
amidst a big menu
Somedays I’m wanted
other days I’m hated
Some people take me straight
others want just a part of me
I seem to adapt like it’s easy
but deep down inside
I want them to want me
for who I am, the good, bad and
UGLY
This isn’t a pitcher perfect
comparison but I hope you can see the parallels
My glass isn’t always half full
after many years of past pain
Some raise me high and decide
to celebrate making a cheers
Some rely on me to just be their medicine to dilute their fears
I can be average and truly mediocre however not opposed to dressing up , white linen cloths cover the tables, big fancy light fixtures and romantic music .... special occasion
However it seems most want me in the darker form, true hole in the wall, dim lighted , sticky bar amidst others that can make them feel better rather than change
Maybe one day I’ll be beside her and she will see my true value and TOGETHER we will enjoy each others company
TOGETHER, we will both respect one another
TOGETHER, we will not treat each-other like an item and for once we will be doing the ordering TOGETHER, of a life we both desire, TOGETHER
My future love

I let go
she still hasn't
come back

Time still
wont tell,
will it ever ?

Pursuit to happiness
[]===[]ROAD BLOCK[]===[]
[]       []          I             []      []
                      I
​​                      I
STOPPED

Live, hurt, cry
not love and
LAUGH

irony

Tick-tock, Ticked-off
Angry
But who?

MySeLf

From lost love
I knew I shouldve
held on

Her touch unfamiliar
her scent forgotten
her voice I remember

**** I still
miss her
HOPE

A night of dancing
At a Mexican bar
Amidst co-workers
And our friends
Everyone having
A hella good time
Dancing on chairs
Forming circles
All taking turns
In the middle
While others
Cheer us on
One last drink
A light conversation
Next thing we knew
We were in a car
Drop top Mazda Miata
Under a star filled sky
The moon demanded
Attention, just like her eyes
Prior to our destination
A late night pit stop
As she pulled over
In that vacant parking lot
My head was already moving
Before she put the car in park
A perfect kiss
under a moonlit sky
Her lips locked into mine
Followed by a perfect drive
Under the dark nights sky
The cool breeze brushed
Against our warm skin
Cooling us both down
From the passion

A meal among friends

A meal among family

A meal among strangers

Food the universal language

NEVER TAKE A MEAL FOR GRANTED

NEVER TAKE PEOPLE FOR GRANTED

EVERYONE DESERVES TO EAT

You have the right to
Remain silent anything
You say or do will .......

She knew I hated cigarettes, right down to her nicotine breath, she really wanted to get back, she made threats I would never love again, my heart in her hand, she split it in two right down the middle, now each side placed on her two nightstands, both covered in ashes from her put out cigarettes, not just of hers but her many lovers too, my heart now her ashtrays

I prayed for a woman to save this soul
I was given a woman to save this soul
I took for granted a woman that saved this soul
I prayed for another woman to fix my broken heart
I was given a woman to fix my broken heart
Hopefully I won't **** this up again

Would love exist
without loss?
Would pain exist
without love?
For all we know
the answer is "NO"
I always loved her
but never as much
as I do now
NOW THAT SHE'S GONE
For all we know
the answer is "NO"
I always felt pain
but never as much
as I do now
NOW THAT SHE'S GONE
Would love exist
without loss?
Would pain exist
without love?

It's 3:40 in the morning 
and the sky is
still pitch black
from the night before 
I awoke from dreaming 
still wishfully thinking 
she was in my arms 
It's 3:40 in the morning 
and my heart is
still pitch black 
from our faded love 
I awoke from dreaming 
still wishfully thinking 
she was in my arms
It's 3:40 in the morning 
and her presence is
still pitch black 
from when she left 
I awoke from dreaming 
to this nightmare 
realizing forever she is gone 
It's 3:40 in the morning 
and I'm forever lonely
soul pitch black 
since she left home 
I wanna sleep now 
wishfully dreaming of her

Dont forget the trip we had that night in Fargo North Dakota
Best friends like family slowly became enemies  among us
We vowed then to live more purely and never give into temptations
Or that time we switched seats and escaped a life sentence
Your sister Rosalie calling you with a cupholder filled with quarters
Don't forget the golf course and a beer being slapped by a God from your hands
But the truth is we are the one and only in our own lives
Through him, with him and in him the love will remain
You have two Gods now that rely on you for the worthiness to deserve forgiveness
I love and miss you bro and just wanted to text you a friendly reminder

Mediocrity consumes us all, if we aren't the worst then we never feel the need to be the best. 

Many variables put this theory to the test, not all fall victim to every aspect of it.

Strengths and weaknesses confess who we are but will you accept the truth?

To stop growing is to stop learning, to stop learning is to accept DEATH!

Place yourself
within temptation
seems like
a risky situation
Continously
I find myself
amidst bad ingredients
but the difference now
from him and
WHO I AM NOW
I dont give in
or let others dictate
MY DECISIONS
free

Decisions amidst your mind

DRINK                            THINK
FIGHT          MIND.        WRITE
REGRET.                    FORGET

Choices within your heart

LOVE.                               HATE
BEAUTY.      HEART          PAIN
FORGIVER.                  BITTER

What will you decide?  

                     ?

GOOD.       SOUL.           BAD

                      ?

It’s
contagious  
outrageous
an illness
with
no fulfillment
if you will
And
all it takes you
to make you
into a victim
Is just one drop
pressed to your lips
mixed with
the scent
of it
will make you
go weak
relapse
ALCOHOL
But not anymore
as that door
has been closed
regardless the calls
from the deep-end
I refuse to give-in
when I can
REMAIN in
Shallow Waters
never willing to
take you
B A C
0.0 ‘/. Chances
pun intended