Shaking hands struggling to
get him to his feet.
My heart pings painfully,
following the pull.
“May I help you?”
He agrees.
Reminded of my former days,
Grasping his soft, warm hand.
“I just need to get my feet under me.”
My heels slip on the ferry’s tile,
two others are urged to assist.
Wishing him well into the elevator,
my mind feels heavy until we dock.
Wondering who he used to be, and
how something so harsh can overtake a human

Through the clouds, above the fog,
the greatest mountain to witness.
Around and around, this enclosed pod,
it starts to rain - it would.
A few lonely tears kiss my cheeks,
I’m proud, and brave, and alone.

I recall sitting at that wooden table,
The grain memorized by my fingertips.
I took a bite of a fruit once ripe,
Yet no longer and I began to gag.
For decades, I’d slander this slender snack,
Giving anything but a chance;
Yet today, somewhere new,
Surrounded by berries,
It happened to be my favorite part.

An eye for a lie
He went blind

You launch your car through tunnels
with flashing rows of lights.
The bulbs maintain their static,
but the speed overwhelms your eyes.

She burnt a disk of songs for you,
the consideration makes you freeze.
Is this beginning of the end,
or are you being teased?

You follow in sprint, stars lighting the beach,
and engulf her in your hug.
She cranes her neck, and kisses deep -
**** me it felt like love.

You start your chain of lying here,
both aside her and to your kin.
Soon she’d learn
she’d never conquer
trusting you again.

My brain knows more
Than my body does
Which is unfavorable and makes me ignorant
To what feelings and emotions go together
But I somehow always wake up in time
To make it where I need to be
On very few hours of sleep
And that productivity
(The illusion of such, rather)
Keeps most afloat
As we drown

Someday mine might think of me
when times are good, not low.
I worry and wonder all the time,
for who or what, I'm no longer sure.
It feels as if I'm filled to the brim,
with all for others I wish for myself,
but I was never trained to self sustain,
or cause a ruckus while I wait.
Celebrating big and small, I bring flowers to the brunch.
I'll remain pretty, and patient,
generous and kind,
and wait for someone who has the capacity
for mine.

Unfathomable,
Committing to wed, before one is able to drive.
Reliant on each other,
complete disarray
if tragedy suddenly arrives.
And it will, you see,
your claim to fame being all you can ***** about.
Both parents have passed by 50,
before self care you'd choose to shout.
Though I can't say much,
I suppose as a single,
with admittedly much to lose.
I just find it sad
when two will settle
not knowing what's out there to choose.

I search for you in places that I know you’ll never be.
Assured the last thing you would want to find unprompted? Me.
Though I know that’s false, and love has ways of making far seem close,
And the beauty in the vastness makes me think of you the most.
Guaranteed your time is filled with goals both big and small.
I’m proud of you, although I’m sure that means the least of all.
Perception is a fickle thing, mine never sold to trust.
But the memories are palpable,
And on those? I’d bank or bust.

I’ve seen so many places,
Faces, held the far and wide.
Mass amounts of *******,
You’d never believe what I took in stride.
Though another lie, as you taught me to take things and show strong -
If only I’d determined what was right and could be wrong.
Yet here I sit, stationary at last, the hardest challenge to date.
Dissecting the most convoluted,
Acceptance no easy feat.

So I’ll allow myself the guilty pleasure
Of looking for your head,
In crowded rooms and maybe sometimes laying in my bed.

A **** in my ribs,
It burns in an electric feel
unlike love.
Who kicked me in the chest?
The consistent prodding is nothing but
the opposite of what you advocate for.
How are you so blind?
How blindsided could one really be?
Not very.
Yet the wind has been taken from my sails,
and the humidity creeps in
to choke me.

This mushy couch,
I’m clammy and warm -
Crying about the wrong dad being taken
When suddenly
The therapist turns,
A knock is heard,
Many - rather.
A ladder appears
And a dude with a belt
Far too big for his stature.
He climbs and cleans
And makes me laugh,
And my asthmatic therapist
Takes us on a walk instead.
Uphill! It is humid
We both pant and sweat
I haven’t ditched the juul
The way the rug was pulled
Back we go
To the mushy couch
With the clammy pillow

And you chose me
All of me
As I am
And I tried my best
To stay asleep
And soak it in
But the alarm always goes off
At an inopportune time

You pull me in
And grab my face

You plant a kiss
It tastes like pennies

For many hours,
Two or three,
Pages flipped by too dry fingers.
Lick the thumb,
Flip and balance on my chest,
Neck angled oddly.
Training and straining
My scarred retinas
Begging for some timely fatigue

Is nothing tangible,
But to be enjoyed
And dissected,
Experienced by some
You’d love,
And hate,
But nonetheless
Through loving me
They’ll know parts of you -
Which is beautiful,
And sad,
Like a muddied Monet
With gorgeous ponds and
Lillies,
Yet the water is ice cold
Waiting endlessly for the plunge.

i struggle to not use
i in every poem
i write and at some point
i feel like it throws the perspective off. but
i also think maybe it feels right to
you, reader.
i'd love some insight, or something else to think about, but
i also think if
i don't let some steam out, the campbell's can that is
my brain will start to overheat like the hershey's
i used to leave in the center console of
my honda accord, but it wouldn't take long to solidify if
i shoved them in the air vents bc for some reason
i had a ton of fun sized bars? and if
i think hard enough,
i believe my first bf stole a giant bag of halloween candy and
i, the bonnie to my clyde, ate that **** for months. now all
i have are some stale tootsie pops, but luckily
i didn't get any trick-or-treaters this year.

hot red flames
pour down my cheeks;
my chest hurts,
you are here.

you can't be seen -
nor felt or heard,
but somewhere you
see me.

shows of affection,
scenes aiming towards my rocky foundation;
like that puny pebble to the giant.
i fall.

if squeezed hard enough,
eyes clenched until there's stars,
it's felt that you are proud,
or would be,
wherever you are.

The adrenaline when facing the gun
Feels a lot better than pride lost
Walking away,
But realizing discomfort in safety
Benefits longer than awaiting the
Unsure -
Rather the less likely,
Putting a target on my back heavier
Than I was ever destined to bear.
Wishing the shooter well
Knowing someday I’ll be held by one
With pillow arms
And a softer heart.

A message sent
At a crafted time.
Manipulative, maybe…
Best luck be mine -
Not you, likely never
Truth stained in the sand,
But one last time
Let me shake your hand

Banter
The weather
Sports, and your beer.
Non alcoholic? Why are you here?
“Tonight’s the night”
No, sir, time for bed.
Closer to my mom,
Mr. Salt and Pepper head.
The ‘tenders as inmates
Some lager with lime,
Expressing cheeks clenched
The duration of time.
“The ladies are splitting rations,”
They giggle and pour.
The crowds coming in
Time to head for the door

How did I
Make it home
And what’s the throb
Within my neck
From my brain or hips
Misaligned pings
Pain telling me something
Yet I can’t translate

Meet in the middle
Swirling each other
Two birds earning their wings.
The light somehow always beaming behind
Silhouettes now etched to memory.
Core.

Fingertips trailing my back
From one wrist, across the arms, down the elbow,
I lean in.
Rather than stop, or a crowd pleasing dip
You’ve waltzed away from the two step.
When did the time signature change?

Your left, and mine, we pass and part
Leading, you are no longer
Transition to a solo performance.

Leaving the floor, we exhale focused breath.
Shoulders still back,
Heads high - not subconscious.
Left, right, intertwined;
Now learning that even the steps backward,
Apart,
Are all beauty within the dance.

Eternally longing for knowledge.
A jolly laugh at my Christmas list
For a book with more pages.
**** and Jane, it is.

May one who understands
Identical puzzles will seldom link,
And gaps to be filled is the beauty.
A lapse is an opportunity,
Not to rejuvenate but construct new

Expensive wood and brass
Traded for ego
A cry to be seen superior
But alas,
Claiming businessmen support
You’re a *******

your heart was
heavy, yet held
mine, and my arms
were weak, but
the sponge never
filled and when
I wring it out
there’s shades of you
Everywhere

your passenger seat sits empty
thoughtless tears fill the page
scribbling as shading
messy derives definition.
where the wind has taken
two longing souls we may never know
but longing for that eggnog grin,
flannel wrapped yellow rose
two toned raincoat and not
pinky gold
opal, no, maybe emerald.
you’ve remained the most
beautiful, you’ll not
understand, but
hopefully at last
you see.

I feel you.
Broad branches,
Tough bark.
Potentially a sculpture,
Or page,
Or foundation.
You were always beautiful

Never as verbose,
Frankly couldn’t get close
But lord knows one’d yearn to try.

Tree bark wrinkles,
Decorating the curves;
Leaves vained and beginning to dry.

Throwing feet down a path;
Faux catches in photograph,
Pondered properly, one’d silently cry.

Your namesake echos;
You’d never accept nor believe,
But lord knows I’d yearn to try.

I’ll reach to you
When the clock is right,
Which is twice a day
In this instance per lifetime.

I’ve swung and missed
Could’ve sworn you cared
I hope by February
It’s something else in the air

An unforeseen fact
You’re in love with an archer
Fourfold
What luck!

Is bubbly,
Beautiful,
More lore than the louvre.

Yet her eyes are sad,
And the tales she tells
Makes me think
About my therapist.

If you think of me
What you think

Caramel latte,
***** chai,
Smiley wrinkles that outline your eye.
I’m happy for you,
And the same me to I,
For all that we longed for, we never could buy.

Switch blade tongue **** my *******

Why do I recite
Conversations every night
Waiting to be told
What's wrong or right

You used to hold me dear
Whisper nothings in my ear
Where did it all skew so…

All’s well that ends well
All’s well that end swell
Ol’s well that ins dwell
Ol swelt hat..
Ends?
Well
ol’s felt hat ends
Before his nose,
He lies

He licks,
And licks,
And licks,
Until he’s bald.

Never picked it up,
I saw you called.

Newfound band resistance -
Will is walled.

Okay Mrs. VP

By the water,
Ants on my legs;
I’ll let them use me as a bridge.
They have yet to bite,
Sting or bother,
As much as the flash
When I saw you beside me,
Hair blocking my view from the boat ramp.
That fluffy, flannel hat.

Reading through squints.
The pages reflecting the sun back,
Many reminders I will soon make my own.
The hills dotted with families,
Lovers,
Loners.
Don extends his hand and teaches me,
About his kids, grand girls and losses.
The water cracks against the rocks.
I’ll think of him as I hear symphonic cries,
Reminiscing my youth,
Forgetting you again, fondly this time.
We deserve the chance,
And I hope we end up like Don

the faculties haven't had a meeting in months
communication across the board is abysmal at best
this is not the teamwork once sold

tired metaphors preaching togetherness
all forgetting autocracy

Who put a magnet on the pendulum?
Newton’s cradle halts.
Imagine the string metal ***** suspended in space,
You and I are what’s in between,
And what’s not at all;
As well as everything.

Scratching
Scraping
Pings and pangs
Throbbing
Pressure
Squeaky inhale
Hard exhale
Stuffy
Sticky
This is supposed to be like this

I got close to you once
Uncanny resemblance I didn’t realize
Until now
That loss was not so much

Roses and snakes
I think his was sharks
Forgetting until this moment
About that pomegranate juice