I wish he knew how much my heartbeat,
Even if my part of me fears the worst.
Deep down, I’m scared that one day I will wake up, and he’ll be far gone, that I will be left as a fading memory.
One day all the love you could turn into nothing more than words.

Trust me,
The only words he said.
I node not sure how to respond.
All my words slowly disappeared without a trace.

I don't want to hide this feeling anymore.
Wishing to pause time to stay in this spot forever, Until I decided I was ready to make a new moment together.
I want to scream this out loud, let the world know I'm badly in love.
Or maybe I love the feeling of being loved.

I fear for the day the text stops coming in.
I hope you say goodbye this time or maybe it's a see you later.
Maybe it's a replay of the last time you thought I stopped caring.
Trust me, I will never stop caring for you.
No matter the days or months that go by.
I will never stop checking my phone, hoping to miss a message.
Even if it just says I need time away.
Then I shall wait until you're ready to return to the phone.

I told her I love you all over again.
She said I loved you then.
My heart broke,
Who knew adding one letter to a word could cause such pain.
I said my love won't fade,
She said mine already did.
I told her I love you,
She said my love turned to loved the day you left.

Did I go too far this time?
Maybe I loved her, and that was the issue.
They never tell you about loving someone that doesn't even notice that you are right in front of them.
I did everything for her to notice me.
I was the person she always wanted, and that's when I went too far.
I should have never tried to get her attention.
Now I'm back at the starting line.
No one noticed that I left; none ever cared that I disappeared.
Did I go too far this time?
That depends on what side of the story you read.

I loved him I really did,
I thought what he showed me was everything I ever needed.
Until I opened my eyes and was back in reality,
Begging for a text back, but it never came.
I made excuses for him thinking it would change when summer hit.
I loved him I really did,
Hoping one day, he would turn into my perfect man.
I wished I never went back to reality because now I’m heartbroken.
Now I want to start all over with someone new.
I loved him until I saw how much I really meant to him.
How could he love me when he acted this way?

Her body was used as charity.
They used her heart up until there was no more love to have.
The arms were used to as an extra hand to do the work no else dared to do.
Her mouth was only there to agree with those who hated hearing no.
They used the feet to walk all the miles everyone dreaded to even think about.
Her body was used as a overwork Machine that no dared to stop after it was finished with the Days work.
No one even thanked her all they did was tell what was next.

Did I ask him for too much?
Was loving me just that hard?
I ask myself wondering why he didn't give me a text every day.
Wondering if he ever cared about me because why wouldn't he let me go In the end.
I gave him everything I had because I thought he was worth it.
I still have all the memories but now the stories are changing.
Now I look back and notice all the things he never did for me.
Did I ask for too much or was I not worth it?

This is my final goodbye
Keep all the messed up memories and the fake I love yous.
The pretending to know me only to leave me days later.
My heart had a lock on it that only opened for you.
Now it's locked up once more.
I thought I was too much,
I thought it was my fault.
I learned true love doesn't end like this.

My life feels like a game,
Right now, I'm losing.
Wondering how many more tries I have.
Will this be my legacy?
The words all spilling out,
With no eyes to see it.
My life feels like a losing game
No matter how hard I try,
I can't leave this behind.
How do I get out of this alive?

Love me,
Hi, it's me again just checking in.
Wondering if you ever think of me or wish it ended differently.
Maybe it was never love but a fantasy that played in my head.
Did you ever think that we would end up together?
I thought the person in my mind was the one for me.
Missing all the red flags to stay with you.
When you made me feel unwanted I told myself you were just busy.
Oh, how wrong I was in the end.

I'm bipolar.
I can't sit still when I'm at my highs or focus on the little things.
I want to do it all and spend the money that I don't have.
I can be your best friend or your worst Enemy.
I go from extreme lows to never feel better in months.
From fighting to stay alive to feeling as if I could never die.

I watch you love her from the sidelines.
Waiting for my chance to come over and stop it all.
Nothing ever comes out of my mouth in time.
She leans over to kiss him while I'm trying not to cry.
She doesn't know how much I'm dying standing here.
I pick up a piece of paper hoping this will be my last time begging for someone
To notice me.
The visions in my head get stronger and my heart gets smaller.
The fear grows while the strength not to listen becomes more hopeless.

Hello, can you hear me?
Why is the screen always turning on and off?
Why does it disappear without notice,
She is trying to stay above the water but it's getting higher.
Nothing can help her besides playing along.
Hello, can you finally see me?
She is trying hard to remember but everything is black.
Her hours become seconds and seconds feel like minutes.
Will her mind ever stop playing tricks?

Maybe In another world, she would be in my arms.
Her head would be on my chest while We talk about our future together.
In another world, she'd live in the same city as me.
I may love others but she will Be my first real love.
The one I will tell stories about to my friends.
I watch her get hurt by other guys while I am still across the world watching through a screen.
Maybe in another world, she would be my person.
She is my protonic soulmate in my eyes

I wish I could hold my breath long enough not to feel anything.
Just enough to be able to breathe at the end of the day.
At the moments when my mind can finally slow down.
I wonder if this is how normal people feel.
The type of people who don't have to fight themselves to stay here.
The type of people who cry when they are sad and laugh at the funny.
The people that make the coldest hearts warm at the end of the night.
I wonder If one day I will be that type of person or if this is the best it will never be.

I didn't think it would be so easy to release you from my memories.
All it took was deleting a photo and everything else disappeared.

Hi! Isn't today a great day!
Hi.. please dont see behind my fake smile.
I have these ideas that I can't wait to do.
Don’t give in, try to hold a little longer.
I’m going to take over the world soon, I just know it.
Well I see next week?
No need for sleep,there is so much to do.
I slept 15 hours and I just want to go back to bed.
Will this last forever?
Will this last forever?

I wish he could see himself through her younger eyes.
How broken his little girl was from the words he used as bullets.
Hoping to be invisible in his eyes,
Then he couldn't hurt her with his twistest phases.
All she wanted was her father's approval.
When she came out, the bond was broken.

I don't care if she hates me
If that's what makes her happy.
I hurt her too many times to expect love in return.
If I could change the past, I would,
I never meant to hurt her.
I stay awake, thinking about how this could have been different.

He's his worst enemy.
The devil on his back.
Crying himself to sleep,
Just to be able to breathe.
Wonder if the good will ever come.

He can barely stay still long enough to sleep.
Living moment to moment trying not
To ruin everything in site.
Forgetting the pain that's around the corner.
Only begging to survive a week later.
He's trying his best to make it to next year

I still get nervous like the first time when I saw the word read on my messages.
Wondering if this would be first of many times you wouldnt care what I say.
Won't want to know more and wonder when I will move on.
I'm sorry because I want to tell you all about my life.
About little details that probably make you think about something else.
The more you get to know me the easier it will be to understand.
That I get attached too fast and get send too many text to get your attention.
The attention you don't want me to have.

I waited and waited for someone to notice me.
None cared until I gave more up everything .

If the world was ending would you be here next to me?
Would everything else just disappear and feel normal for another second?

He never loved anyone like his first love.
Plays girls not to be broken again,
Which means hurting everyone to save himself.
Tells girls he likes them then Throws it all away after a hook up.
He see's nothing wrong with what he's doing not understand how many girls hearts are hurting each night.
His smile hides the truth,
The tears that happen the next day revalue what was missing.
Here comes the new girl that won't know what's coming her way

The day he almost died.
The pill bottles look too pleasing to be alone.
He decide to hold them one more time.
Wondering if it’s worth lasting until tomorrow.
He put them down as the pills screamed to be picked up again.
Next year it happened again.
This time the voices came from a dangerous blade.
He was so close but too afraid of leaving everyone alone.
So he stayed another night.

I wish I could control it.
Not wanting to cry over the little things hoping it will go away.
When will it stop telling me things on repeat.
I tried to listen to the good in life but it's hard when the darkness is screaming in your ears.
Not wanting to burden anyone with my issues but trying to tell the truth at the same time.
Everyone telling me it will be ok and we aren't leaving.
How can I believe all the words when my mind wants to say the opposite.
Do I believe them or my broken mind.
Maybe I don't want to believe it's broken.
Maybe one day my pills will stop this all.
Or maybe I can stop it all.

I think I found the one,
The one that makes my heart jump up and down.
Not wanting the moment to end.
I think she likes me too.
She told me I was pretty but it could be all inside my head.
She smiled at me for a few seconds.
I think I found someone new,
She laughed at my jokes and made sure I knew.
Made sure I was paying attention to it.
I think i made her up.
Now she is gone,
No more smiles or laughing.
I told her I liked her too and she looked confused.
She said she was being friendly and didn’t mean anything else.
I think the end finally came.

I won't be mad that you left.
I knew this day would come even thought you told me it wouldn't.
I believed almost every word that came out of your mouth.
That I would be your number one.
That no one could take my place.
Look how wrong I was because I'm crying at my keyboard wonder where I went wrong.
In the back of my mind this is a nightmare that should have came sooner.
I'm afraid to open my eyes knowing this is real life.
Knowing that I lost my other half to someone else.
I'm not mad that you are leaving.
I'm mad that I Believed you would stay.

What if parents just loved for us.
If the listen to our broken cry's.
Imagine If we weren't alone anymore and had a someone who wanted us.
Not another struggle for them to through in our face.
I wonder if I will ever be good enough for them.
One tells me how much she loves me and other only sees me as a cheap sitter.
Throwing daggers at me whenever they get a chance.
I don't understand what I did for him to stop treating me as someone who they care about.
Maybe this is there way of caring but it hurts.
I don't want to deal with this anymore.

I didn't want my secret to come out.
The world doesn't understand me like you do.
The secrets hide under layers, wondering if anyone notices.
Notices the scars made out of hopelessness.
Would you leave me if you saw the truth under the lies?
The lying of saying I'm doing better but drowning in my tears.
I don't want my secret to come out because I can't lose you now.

Why do I crave you after a while?
I don't want you back in my life, but at the same time, I do.
The memories haunt my dreams of the past.
Of everything you did to me, did to my body.
Why do I want you back?
I guess I miss the pain and the love that no one else can give me.

Help me
The noises are getting too loud to escape.
Each is telling me to do a crime that I don’t want to comment on.
I swear I’m not a bad person.
Who will Believe the me?
It’s not as bad as it sounds.
I’m only sick, not dangerous.

I fear the day you date.
No girl will trust me.
I wouldn’t trust me.
I was texting every day with no response, not afraid of regret.
It’s ok I get it,
Pick her.
I will wait.

Leave me for a girl.
Our friendship can wait,
I'm too broken to leave.
Promise me It's worth all this pain.
Go, it’s ok.

I want to stop fighting and start living.
I think I found my source of hope.
I saw her smile from across the keyboard.
The little light in her eyes are giving the hope I need.
Please let this be true.

I write words that can’t find a way out
I leave a message for those that can’t hear me.
I write a part of me that doesn’t want to come out.
My pen has a light for when my heart doesn’t.
Poetry saved me once, and I need it too again.

I’m broken like a kicked indoors.
No dents are left, but the pain stays
I want to heal,
I don’t know-how.

I liked you.
I never wanted it to end like this.
Please come back and tell me I’m worth something to you.

Tell me the truth
Do you find me cute?
I find the way you write beautifully.
Your poems are like magic to my eyes.
This all started with a simple hey.

What if this isn’t worth it.
I should just leave and not come back.
She doesn’t notice me anyway.
I’m just playing in her game.
The smile was fake.

How do you like someone like me?
Too scared to tell the truth, afraid of getting yelled at.
I was hoping that you won't leave me after learning the truth about me.
I like you just too scared to get rejected again.

The light grows brighter,
When the darkness starts to fade.
Hold on for another day,
I will hold you tight until the sun rises.

The scars are starting to heal.
The memories are still with me.
I wish everything would go away.
I don’t want to feel pain anymore.

She was broken but hiding it.
Her smile was brighter than the sun,
But her thoughts were darker than the moon.
She was seconds away from going,
The thought of love made her stay.

The voice was sugar to my ears.
It taught me strength when he didn't want to.
It was there for me when she wouldn't be.
I learned hope from it,
When hopeless were all, I knew.

I like you.
My body is hurting from holding this secret.
Every text message feels like a bullet to my heart.
I see the way you look at other boys, not realizing I notice.
Should I move on Or wait my life away?

Stop this, please!
I can't keep falling for you,
You're the poison apple that tastes too good to be bad for me.
please leave me like the rest,
I'm not used to people staying this long

The words replay in my head.
Making me sick every time I hear your voice.
I wasted my time on her while she just pushed me down.
She laughed when I cried, thinking I wouldn’t find anyone better.
When I got stronger, she blamed it all on me.
I thought she was right for too long.