He said I look pretty. That I'm his number one.
She told me that I'm lying and no one really cares about me.
He said I'm amazing and that I deserve
The world.
She told me I should leave the world, I almost did twice because of her.
He gave a me a pill and never felt better.
She gave me a knife and I never felt worse.
He made me feel unstoppable,
She stopped me in seconds.
He helped me get out of bed,
She chained me to it.
He gave me too many ideas but she didnt give me enough.
He was too good and it something felt off.
She was the devil running around my head.
He was my best friend but only vistited me once while.
She was my worst enemy but came too often.

Sometimes I feel unheard,
That my life doesn’t matter as much.
I look around the room and wonder if anyone feels the same.
I’m afraid to ask the question out loud, not wanting to get all the looks of Judgment
I go home and cry in my bed wondering if I made the right choice of making it to twenty three.
How can I keep on going with all this pain?
Why can’t I just say goodbye for one last time?
I tell myself that I can't leave her behind without a brother.

Everything made sense in the end.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong.
The yelling got louder; I could barely hear myself think.
I wondered why this was happening, but I got no answer.
No one wanted to explain it to me.
No one wanted to help.

I can't believe I let this happen again.
She wasn't there for me for a while but I picked up the phone the second she called.
I listen to all her issues trying to make her feel better.
I wonder why I am doing this as if she would do the same for me but I'm not sure anymore.
I can't believe I fell for her looks.
The pretty girl who everyone likes came over to me and everything started to spiral.
I did everything for her and I mean everything.
After it was all done then she dropped me as if I was nothing.
But once I was her everything and I wondered how that all changed so fast.
So of course when she called I had to pick up.
I had to be there for her.

If the world was ending would you be here next to me?
Would everything else just disappear and feel normal for another second?

I can be your Nick to your Charlie.
Your Jess to your Rory if you give me a chance.
I can give you everything you ever dreamed of.
Maybe I overthink about falling again,
Falling in love for someone that doesn't know who i am.
Waiting for the day that everything makes sense again as to why we aren't together.
Why do I spend every day waiting for the one text to tell me how you really feel.
Maybe that day won't ever come, and that's okay.

I can't get enough even if I try.
I always want to know more about her.
It's like having a friend that has secrets and all you're dying to know it.
I'm afraid one day she is going to say that I'm too much.
That I'm annoying her with all my messages.
I guess I never had someone like her in my life.
Someone that is there all the time and won't hesitate to fight your demons.
I hope she knows I would do the same

I found my other half,
The one that makes me fall deeper in love after every call.
It only takes a text to make me break apart in smiles.
They don’t know how hard I'm dying to meet them again.
It's a different type of love that makes your heart flutter.
Or your mind races, waiting for your phone to ring.
I found them again, and I'm not losing them this time.

I wonder why I kept the letters all this time.
Maybe I was hoping he would come back the more I read it.
That he would just appear out of nowhere.
But nowhere ever came; no one ever came.
I wonder why I kept the letters all this time
Maybe I was hoping it would help my tears go away.
It didn't; it never does.
He will never find me the same again.

I found my old letters.
The ones are saying goodbye, and I'm sorry for everything.
I found my old letters.
The ones that hold the darkest of secrets that no one is meant to see until I disappear.
I found my old letters.
That wishes to leave instead of staying.
I found my old letters.
Now, they are old words that I don't need.

I'm a believer in love
That it doesn't go away overnight.
Maybe it shows up one day without a reason,
Only to beg for it to stay longer.
Love has seen the world go around and around, waiting for the right people.
The type of people who aren't afraid of going the extra mile.
Who are crazy about one another in every Universe.

I didn't want my secret to come out.
The world doesn't understand me like you do.
The secrets hide under layers, wondering if anyone notices.
Notices the scars made out of hopelessness.
Would you leave me if you saw the truth under the lies?
The lying of saying I'm doing better but drowning in my tears.
I don't want my secret to come out because I can't lose you now.

I look down and around,
Only to see him smiling at me.
It's the type of smile that screams run, but I stayed.
Maybe he isn't so bad after all.
I gave him a chance, and in seconds, the betrayal happened.
He took me by the arm and watched me scream in pain until it was over.
Until there was nothing more he could take.

I hope you're doing ok.
I havent heard from you for a while but maybe it's meant to be this way.
In the sense that you moved on without me.
Without telling me that's how it's going to be.
I'm still waiting for a text that may never come.
A phone call that won't go threw.
I hope you're ok because it seemed like you don't want me Anymore and that's fine.
I'm better now.
Only if I could say that without crying

I need you back in my life.
The pleasure that makes everything worth it again.
Hurt me and I won't tell anyone.
I promise to keep it my little secret.
I need you back in my life even with everyone disagrees.
Take my secrets and spread the lies all over my name.
Burn the little things I still have left.
I need you to make me a player in my own life.

What if she leaves again?
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
My heart will tear into it, but maybe that's for the better.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be in the end.
What if she never wanted me?

Why do I crave you after a while?
I don't want you back in my life, but at the same time, I do.
The memories haunt my dreams of the past.
Of everything you did to me, did to my body.
Why do I want you back?
I guess I miss the pain and the love that no one else can give me.

What if it was my sister?
My best friend?
The day you died, my heart turned up aside down.
I couldn't think of you for two years without crying.
There were many days I had to stop myself from visiting.
What if it was me?
Would people finally care that one of us was gone?
I told my self when it snowed, it was you saying hi to stop myself from breaking down.
What about all the memories?
The stories that we had together.
No one will meet you again.
I wish it could have been me, not you.
I wish it were all a bad dream.
I wish I didn't miss you.
I wish I could have gone with you.

I’m drowning in my thoughts,
Hoping one day I can finally be with you

Around and around we go again.
Feeling too low to even breathe.
Begging for the day that forever will Finley end?
Hoping my pain won't be here tomorrow.
Around and around we go again.
I scream in my mind thinking someone will hear my cries.
No one comes because it's all in my head
Around and around we go again.

I lost it all.
My heart was torn from the dark cloud.
My mind, twisted the most until everything was gone again.
Begging to stay,  but each day gets harder.
I lost it all.
The happiness that my body needs to survive.
I lost the smile but kept the pain.
One day this will be a story but right now I'm living in a dream.
Not sure if I will make it to the end.

Give me a reason for staying.
Give me a reason to love you anymore.
I'm tired of not getting anything in return and waiting by the phone for a single text that never comes.
I wait and wait for someone to care about me but everyone passes by.
No one stops to say hello.
No one even says goodbye after breaking me.
Give me a reason to love anymore.
I can't do this anymore,
Please I'm tired.
I'm tired of missing someone that I can't have.

Hi! Isn't today a great day!
Hi.. please dont see behind my fake smile.
I have these ideas that I can't wait to do.
Don’t give in, try to hold a little longer.
I’m going to take over the world soon, I just know it.
Well I see next week?
No need for sleep,there is so much to do.
I slept 15 hours and I just want to go back to bed.
Will this last forever?
Will this last forever?

I wish I could hold my breath long enough not to feel anything.
Just enough to be able to breathe at the end of the day.
At the moments when my mind can finally slow down.
I wonder if this is how normal people feel.
The type of people who don't have to fight themselves to stay here.
The type of people who cry when they are sad and laugh at the funny.
The people that make the coldest hearts warm at the end of the night.
I wonder If one day I will be that type of person or if this is the best it will never be.

Sometimes I can't breathe.
Somedays I feel myself getting dragged underwater.
The other part of me watches and laughs.
I try to make it back to the surface but I can't hold on to anything.
Sometimes I can't breathe under all these thoughts.
Some days I feel too heavy to fight.
At some point, I stopped caring.

Let me go.
It's time for me to leave.
Please don't look back on us.
It wasn't meant to be after all the "I love you" and " we will be together forever"
Let me go.
Don't waste tears on me, I'm not worth it.
Try to remember the memories that I didn't ruin.
Let me go.
Leave flowers when you pass by.
Don't hold on to the pass for too long.
It's not worth the space in your memories
Let me go,
I promise it's time.

This wasn't goodbye,
This was a constant reminder that it was in control.
That it can pull me back anytime, anywhere.
I asked to be set free but instead, I cry my mind blank.
Waiting to go numb.
This wasn't goodbye,
Only the reminder that the will always follow me.

I didn't think it would be so easy to release you from my memories.
All it took was deleting a photo and everything else disappeared.

He made me love him from the start.
It was a mistake I thought I would only say hi Instead he took over my life.
No matter how hard I tried to quit I would always be back in his arms.
I stayed away for over a year but I couldn't resist.
I gave him my heart and he uses it as a weapon.

I watch you love her from the sidelines.
Waiting for my chance to come over and stop it all.
Nothing ever comes out of my mouth in time.
She leans over to kiss him while I'm trying not to cry.
She doesn't know how much I'm dying standing here.
I pick up a piece of paper hoping this will be my last time begging for someone
To notice me.
The visions in my head get stronger and my heart gets smaller.
The fear grows while the strength not to listen becomes more hopeless.

Maybe In another world, she would be in my arms.
Her head would be on my chest while We talk about our future together.
In another world, she'd live in the same city as me.
I may love others but she will Be my first real love.
The one I will tell stories about to my friends.
I watch her get hurt by other guys while I am still across the world watching through a screen.
Maybe in another world, she would be my person.
She is my protonic soulmate in my eyes

Hello, can you hear me?
Why is the screen always turning on and off?
Why does it disappear without notice,
She is trying to stay above the water but it's getting higher.
Nothing can help her besides playing along.
Hello, can you finally see me?
She is trying hard to remember but everything is black.
Her hours become seconds and seconds feel like minutes.
Will her mind ever stop playing tricks?

I'm bipolar.
I can't sit still when I'm at my highs or focus on the little things.
I want to do it all and spend the money that I don't have.
I can be your best friend or your worst Enemy.
I go from extreme lows to never feel better in months.
From fighting to stay alive to feeling as if I could never die.

The lost love,
Hidden between secret friend's ships.
Holding on to the memories before it turns into long-lost tales.
Before her heart is gone forever, Always remember my love will never fade.
In the end, my heart was made for you.

I loved a boy,
I thought he loved me too.
He was the man of my dreams until I woke up to see it was someone else.
I loved a boy,
He never truly felt the same.
I thought maybe it was all in my head until I opened my eyes.
He was in love with a girl,
That is a thing I will never be.

Wake me from this dream,
I've been here too long.
Things are starting to seem too real.
I scream but no one hears a word,
Everyone tells me I'm awake.
Wake me up from this lost land I call home.
Please don't leave me here forever.
I'm not ready to stay.

He asked the world for a sign.
His hands came up but the earth pushed him down.
They laughed at his weakness.
He asked for a sign to stay,
They gave me nothing hoping he will finally leave everyone alone.
He tried one last time asking but no one noticed his screams or pain.
He asked the world for a sign to stay.
Finally, the world decided to help him fight for another moment.

He's his worst enemy.
The devil on his back.
Crying himself to sleep,
Just to be able to breathe.
Wonder if the good will ever come.

He can barely stay still long enough to sleep.
Living moment to moment trying not
To ruin everything in site.
Forgetting the pain that's around the corner.
Only begging to survive a week later.
He's trying his best to make it to next year

All I want is answers,
Answers to why you left me alone.
Not even a text letting me know why it happen.
I may of sent the text but your the one that ended this a long time ago.

I really can't sit still,
Falling over the simplest hellos.
Wondering if the phone will ever ring.
I need a new start,
A way out of this mess that I started.
Hoping I will wake up and see what's really in front of me.
This isn't who we are meant to be with.
It's a stranger disguising as our lover.
I really can't understand why I fall over the simplest hellos.

They said it was a simple mistake.
Hiding the Scaring words behind a steel door.
Wishing one day the secrets will be let free.
Hoping they see the damage that was left behind by their broken love.

Love me,
Hi, it's me again just checking in.
Wondering if you ever think of me or wish it ended differently.
Maybe it was never love but a fantasy that played in my head.
Did you ever think that we would end up together?
I thought the person in my mind was the one for me.
Missing all the red flags to stay with you.
When you made me feel unwanted I told myself you were just busy.
Oh, how wrong I was in the end.

This is my final goodbye
Keep all the messed up memories and the fake I love yous.
The pretending to know me only to leave me days later.
My heart had a lock on it that only opened for you.
Now it's locked up once more.
I thought I was too much,
I thought it was my fault.
I learned true love doesn't end like this.

Hiiiiii💜💜💜💜
(Read one hour ago)
How are you doing I miss you!!
(Read two hours ago)
I love you!!!!! I hope you having fun at work💚
(Read a day ago)
Hi
(Read 40 minutes ago)
Ok im over it
(Sent)
I have been here waiting for you.
I gave you more than I was prepared for but I never complained.
I waited and waited for you to treat me the same.
You never tried to make it work.
When I sent the last text I didn't hear for you for dayssss.
I know you saw my text because it told me you did.
Why don't you care for me?
Why don't you try and save this because I'm done.
I can't put all this effort in and get nothing back.
I'm dying over here trying to make this work.
I don't even now what this is anymore.
I'm not going to give you the easy way out,
But im done trying to make this work.
Text me when you are ready to fight for me.
Im worth a **** good fight.
(Read 10:00pm)

I thought I was finally happy until I opened my eyes and realized I was only In a daydream.

My life feels like a game,
Right now, I'm losing.
Wondering how many more tries I have.
Will this be my legacy?
The words all spilling out,
With no eyes to see it.
My life feels like a losing game
No matter how hard I try,
I can't leave this behind.
How do I get out of this alive?

What happens to forever?
I always saw you in my future, but that's what I get for dreaming too big.
I thought we would end up together in the end.
Now I'm watching on the sideline as you live out the moments without me next to you.
I know I'm the one that called us off,
Thinking you would fight for us.
If you showed me anything, I would have stayed.
My love didn't run out,
Only the patience I had begging for attention.
I would have stayed in your arms if you had given me something.
I would drop everything to be back with you.
That shows all I wanted was the bare minimum.
You couldn't even give me that.

Please stay!
I need you.
Will anyone hear my screams?
Maybe the tears drown out the noise.
Please stay one more night,
I fear the darkness that will follow.
I'm scared of the person I have seen in the mirror.
Please stay,
I beg someone to wake me up from this nightmare

He hated living,
Making everyone suffer in his Presents.
She couldn't have more joy to give,
Barely needing sleep to survive.
He planned to leave this earth every other month.
She only wanted adventures,
Willing to risk anything for fun.
He hardly could leave his house,
Hoping this day, he wouldn't have to fight to stay alive.
He wanted to be her; she feared everything about him.

Her body was used as charity.
They used her heart up until there was no more love to have.
The arms were used to as an extra hand to do the work no else dared to do.
Her mouth was only there to agree with those who hated hearing no.
They used the feet to walk all the miles everyone dreaded to even think about.
Her body was used as a overwork Machine that no dared to stop after it was finished with the Days work.
No one even thanked her all they did was tell what was next.