Do you know the world spins
Through grimaces and grins
Yet it still spins
So like the world I adjure you to
Keep spinning
Keep grinning
Don't let anyone take your twirl
Be it man boy woman or girl
The thing is the world needs your twirl
They need it like air
Don't be small don't you dare

I should've listened
My intuition could see what my heart was missing
As my heart skipped beats
And headed towards love street
An internal warning sign dangerous curve blind drive and slippery when wet
So what happens always happens next
Emotions running high no evidence or fact checked
Now I'm sad
Thinking of all the good times we had
But if I must be honest there were bad
Times
And although right now I'm inclined
To believe it was all really good
I can remember that feeling of something being off and something not quite right
But love is a fight
Right?
So we fought moments filled with fraught
Love is worth the fight or so i was taught
I ignored my intuition cause who wants to be alone
And on their own
A rite of passage that indicates being grown
Living successfully with another human being
And marriage although ******* is freeing
To waltz through tulips
Again with the skips
Slips baecations and trips
To exotic lands
Or that's the plan
I cannot wait to find someone to grow old
And warm that side of the bed that can be so cold
But I am going to listen
And when my intuition
Exposes a condition
Of possible slipping
I won't argue or say it's tripping
I'll LISTEN

They say I'm depressed
And they seem right so far
All I know is I'm a blessed mess
And though I quote I'm too blessed to be stressed
But I'm stressed and I know I'm blessed
Leave it to the doctors and specialist they seem to know whats best
Distressed perplexed and confused
Down right sad dismal and blue
It took a while to admit I was beat
Defeated
Didn't watch what I ate
I wasn't great
Cared less about my fate
I mean I cared but it didnt dissapate
And it seemed it could withstand the weight
So I gave it another stiff arm
What would be the harm
It withstood my charm
My charisma
My pleads and my begs
But it wasnt until I was fed
Up and downright ******
More than a we gone to get through this
My energy was on ten
Determined to get a win
By any means
Strength and grit
Smile and wit
Bend down a bit
Cause I know how to pray
From a dismal blue to a dark hued gray
My depression didn't didnt
bend stray or go away
To my dismay and my demise
Other wise and next slide
I is tired
Boss
Calculated the cost
Removed the dross
Can't fake the funk or pretend
To floss
Coins to toss
Do I admit defeat
Outcome looks bleak
Do I cheat
Should I speak
Whose help to seek
Sat in a therapist chair
Felt like the enemys lair
Not a chess champ or even a player
Not here or there
A few more gray hairs
Not a win anywhere
So I changed therapist and asked for help
Took what was bottled up off the shelf
Put it all on display let it all hang out
Surrendered my clout
Pushed through the doubt
Got it all out
Cringed screamed and shout
Wanted to cry but the tears won't
come out
Shared a little
Grew strong where I was brittle
Stopped twiddling
Fiddling
Learned to listen
Put two and two of what I was missing
Didn't know the term
Unlearned what I learned
I was functionally depressed
Blessed and stressed
Perplexed out of context
Vexed
Distressed
Let's
Get the concept
Light bulb on
In character
More laughter
Silence the chatter
It simply doesnt matter
Moving towards what I'm after
Terms like radical acceptance and new normal
Informal
Out of the turmoil
Enemys plan foiled
Unbridled unspoiled
Cleaning the soiled
Exchanged my linens
Grinning and winning
Doing it different
To a Great extent
Choosing to vent
Saying thank you to those
Who lent
Ears times smiles and tears
Cheers and being kind
Helping me out of life's bind
Lost and found
Common ground
And on the pitchers mound
No longer down
Or out
Snatched back my clout
Upturned my pout
Fully working it out
And through it
Gets better by the bit
Me and depression have split
I'm ok and handling it
The divorce was hard
She still had my debit card
A few unauthorized charges
Interruptions
And barges
But I'm on top
Top flight
Fighting full of might
On the other side of my plight
In spite
Of all the hype
I choose to swipe
Left right up or down
Till I find my sound
And the brightness resounds
All the while my hope rebounds

Known for a significant battle in the civil war and where
Union soldiers won a decisive victory
I was ordered to attend a hearing
Although I had 17 plus years someone thought it necessary my career end nearing
It was a long run
it was tough it was fun
But my loud personality and telling others what I'm not going to do can't be undone
I squared my hunched shoulders
All I can remember is being a soldier
Ive been here for years
Through blood sweat and tears
I've lossed comrades
I've lossed friends
Saw careers end
Some were fair some were grave injustice
Unrighteously dismissed
Under the guise of the Quality Management Program
A complete sham
Robbing well deserving soldiers of retirement
Well I must digress
Back to the Vicksburg mess
I didn't deserve to be here
It wasn't about me failing to adhere
In order to be crystal clear
This was an attack launched in hate
Well isn't this great
My fate in limbo based on hate
I can be obstinate
Strong willed hell I could be determined
Give me a pulpit for my sermon
I need this to make sense
To uncover the resent
Resentment hurt feelings disillusionment
Brokenness depression
Stifled refused expression
They were determined to teach me a lesson
They had all the power
And they were in the right cause
our relationship had soured
Like expired milk
They were inclined to determine my guilt
Had to hide my wilt
I was broken heart mind almost the will
Maya Angelou still I climbed
Still I ryhmed
With reason
A tough season
But had to over compensate
To hide the limp in my gait
So I made the most noise
He still boisterous
Passioned and explosive
I did the most
Cause I couldn't face my life
First the wife
Now this
How much more could I take
Man I could be fake
I was strong and I pretended to be
Couldn't let anyone see
The depression
Alcohol was used as a weapon
I killed myself daily
Every burden they gave me
Blackouts pass outs
Knock outs
I drove
You know how it goes
Bars I've closed
I closed them every night
This was how chose to fight
I didn't care if it was right
Had to be up in the morning
Bright eyed happy and bushy tailed
I couldn't face the fact that maybe I failed
Failed myself failed the organization I loved
I felt shoved
Unloved
I was all alone
I had to handle this on my own
Cause it might not work out
Couldn't focus on was it fair
my enemies would just gossip and stare
They longed to see me break
I have the backbone of a snakeMy inner 8 year old gave me this great character trait
He was resilient resolved and resolute
Stronger enough to refute
And able to stand in strong rebukes
So we stood there together
The good the bad the better
He's not fair weather
I started this poem thinking I was alone
But he was here with me all along
So I presented my case to the board
I let it all hang out
I left nothing to chance
A song and dance
A dog and pony
And the nomination for the Tony
Did my best to not come across phony
They made the calls they asked the questions
I called objections
Relevance of the question
I'm offended at the suggestion
Question lacks foundation
Do you know what I'm facing
Lacks personal knowledge simply speculation.
Leading the witness
back by popular opinion
Retained
did I hear you correctly
Yeah they kept me
They saw through the lies
phony attempts and tries
Fake alibis
I didn't commit sharp
Which was the spark
That made me aware of the
dark
It was dark the whole time
I just paid it no mind
I'm legally blind
So Vicksburg
A place where union Soldiers
Won a decisive victory
But it also means to me
A place of great impact and import
Where I was able to be retained
And my enemies were thwarted
Thank you young Kerry
For showing up for yourself
And helping me put to words what I felt