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If only I knew
It would be like this
Late nights
Reading ‘til my eyes grow weary
Dinner, bath, story, bed
Read some more

I should’ve been done
Had that degree
Got that job
Nope, plans changed
Found you first
Then we had her

If I knew
Honestly, I’d leave it all the same
All the chaos
The goodnight kisses
Even the bickering
Cuz without you, I’d have nothing
No motivation
Barely even a dream
When things are bad
When you find out I’m selfish
When I make mistakes
Will you want me?

Is it okay
If it’s everyday
Still want me?

Good days are few
Anger is constant
Bitter
Self absorbed
That okay too?

After all
Unconditional means
Those conditions too
MAMA
a sweet voice calls
running to me
as if I haven’t seen her in days
it’s only been minutes

I love you
she cries
tiny arms wrapped around my neck
squeezing with all her might

I love you
so much
again, again
I LOVE YOU

everyday
sometimes every five minutes
I know I’m loved
by at least one
just enough
never too much

sweet sweet love
three year old love
It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of motherhood, but on the hard days I want to remember how big she loves.
I lost sight
Longer than a moment
I forgot who we were before
I couldn’t see who we used to be
Before we got here

No peace
No laughter
Just silence
And anger

I lost hope
How can we get back?
Back to who we used to be..

I’m still lost
But lost in you
I know who you are
I know who you were
And you still love me.

I’m lost.
Trying
Remembering
Laughing
With you, lost

Loving you, still ❤️
in the reflection
is a woman
nothing special
late twenties
two eyes, mouth, nose, two ears
just the same as you
only not the same

these two brown eyes
dull, empty have seen
life, death
good days, bad
love, hate
beauty, pain

this smile as bright as the sun
hiding true feelings
so well, it’s believable
happy, even
absent in solitude

but you, what do you see
do you see what’s in the reflection
or do you see the things I’ve seen
the things I’ve hidden

I’m not sure if I’ll ever see what you see
though, if you let me, I’d like to try

— The End —