The world is still,
its colours depleted,
vague and waiting,
hoping
for that first light
to break the horizon,
for that first warmth
to settle
on the grass.

I close my eyes,
and open my mind
and let
that first deep breath
wash over me.
Its invitation
is like no other.
I'm reborn,
ready to try again,
to take that first step
one more time,
confident
that this time
I'll succeed.

My favourite constellation is Orion.
I like it first and foremost
because on a cold clear winter night
it is easy to find in the sky.  
The four corner stars are very bright.

Once you find it
and your eyes adjust to the darkness,
you can discern his belt,
the three dimmer stars across the middle.

If you keep looking
and the night is just right,
you can see his dagger hanging off his belt:
even dimmer stars in a column.

And on very special nights,
far from cities and stress
you can actually see the Great Orion Nebula -
a cloud of interstellar gases
where stars are actually born.

With each thought we share,
each story, picture and sound,
we see a little more of each other.  
I am certain if we keep looking,
on a very special night,
far from our daily lives,
we will discover the universe together.

I don't believe in the devil
but I hear his voice every night
whispering in my ear,
"Do it,
win or lose,
just do it."

My grip on the bed sheets
is all that keeps me safe.

Were you bullied as a kid?

I'm asked that often.
I'm not really sure why.

I know my dad was.
I know my best friend was
along with many others,
but I myself was never directly bullied.

Instead
I watched in silence
as others were attacked.
Empathy would surge through my veins
but never with enough courage to help.
I internalized what I saw
shared in the shame and tears,
all the while doing my best to blend in
so as not to be the next target.

I succeeded.
I was never bullied by another.

Over the years though
I became
my own worst enemy.
Using the cruel words of others
I have bullied myself to the edge.
Relentless in its criticism,
ruthless with its words
the bully within
has cut me down
again and again
draining me of my worth
and self compassion.

I just want it to stop.

I just want the bully to go away.