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kbww Sep 2018
Call me crazy.
No, really, call me crazy.
There is no but after that slaughtering word.
It just happens to be intermingled with me.

See, it’s not my fault I live with dark art
splattering my insides, pick-pocketing
my thoughts. And I’m sorry I can’t come
to that party, or bar, or your house.
I’m ******* at the moment, fist fighting
demons
you can’t see.
Or maybe,
you’d just rather not look.

I can compute tough equations, speak eloquently and with poise. Despite the noise. I am productive and kind,
always others before me.
But it’s never enough
because
someone
called me crazy,
and I believed it.
Despite the diagnoses,
believing you made me worse.
You infiltrated my soul, and I became
who you told me I was.

Words can be a curse.
So call me crazy.
It can’t break a heart
that’s been broken
for years.

~kb
kbww Sep 2018
And I saw the moon
as the sun still glowed.
I traced clouds with my fingers
until images showed.
Saw the veins of each tree
As they ran up its’ branches
Sprouting green feathered leaves
Taking their chances
Against the harsh summer sun
And the bitter winter air.
Longing furiously just to
Stay there.
What seems a frightful experience
For that tiny leaf
Shows the change we endure
As we build our beliefs.
We sprout from the ground
And grow reaching for the sun.
Show our best spectrum of colors
Until we start to come undone.
We can’t hang on any longer,
And like the leaves, we fall.
Thinking failure has hit us,
Think we’re losing it all.
But the tree doesn’t die
It keeps growing through cold.
And we fight til the sun
Gives us something to hold.
Life gives you growth,
Life gives you change.
If you can fight just a little
The new is less strange
And you’ve added a branch
To your tall shady tree
You’ve taken that chance
To grow beyond heartache,
pain, and change.
And become every color
Just newly arranged.

~kb
kbww Sep 2018
I think I’m falling for you
You made the perfect catch
Swallowed up in your arms
We instantly attach
You praise me with gifts
My heart shifts and I’m sure
That this pure love between us
Is what I’ve been waiting for
Your compliments and kisses
Shut inside my heart’s door
Then one day
out of the blue
Like unfixed glue my body slips through
The arms that hold me no more
Drop me hard to the floor
And I look up to find
eyes I’ve never seen before
Then quickly you change
Call the drop something strange
An accident and
It would never happen again
Months turn to weeks and the dropping
Continues
Showing every bruise I now use
Myself to pull me up
His arms have gone lax
And I’m too weak to stand
And I realize then
I’m controlled by a man
All the drops were to weaken
My body my heart
So a start with new love
I could never take part
So I sit in my cell of this hell
Here on earth
Because I let a man
Tell me my worth

~kb
kbww Sep 2018
I’ve stepped through the electric
Metal truth indicator
I’m clean, no obscene
Objects stuck to my being.
Walk through a black crowded scene
And make my way to the bar
One beer tipped hard no holds barred
No regard for my liver tonight
Tonight is reprieve healing scars
Travel once again through the energized
Black wearing teeth glaring
Yet blank distorted faces
I’m not here to make friends
I’m here to melt places people and things
To feel strings tie wings make me feel
Everything
The lights dim a black wave moves the room
I plant my feet close my eyes
Feel my body swoon
Then a tune floods stale air
Hits me deep lifts the room
Lifts my worries and fears
And the people around leave the ground
And I feel like I am alone with the sounds
Hits me straight in the gut
like a shot off round
And I feel my own feet glued to the ground

The only thing that’s ever
been clever enough to break my
Tough interior and inferior self
Is the feeling of music flooding my soul
The only thing that can ever fill that hole
Is the sounds of notes mingling sweetly
In a pleasant dance that swallows me whole

~kb
kbww Sep 2018
Feet hang lazily
As I finish my stitching
Canvas skin limp limbs

Burnt leaves for a brain
A heavy hinged hollow box
Becomes a fresh heart

I’ve sewn me a boy
One that cannot run away
One that wants to stay

I program his mind
To connect only with mine
Lock love in the box

Run hands down the threads
Awaken him from his sleep
Eyes open in fear

Graze hands down soft throat
Stir his chords let him speak free
Fill lungs with a kiss

It’s my ragdoll boy
My best friend and my lover
And I have his key

He just looks at me
“Don’t be scared you are my love”
I tell him gently

“What am I doing?
I’m not supposed to be here
I don’t even know you”

Desperate staring
He looks scared and so confused
I don’t understand

“I stitched you gently
You are my perfect man now
Together in love

You will be happy
I can show you everything
I will be your muse”

I filled up his mind
Put all my love in his heart
What did I do wrong?

“My love cannot be
Forced by you or your stitches
Or locked in a box

My mind is my own
I don’t want you to change it
I want to be me

You cannot just make
The perfect boy to love you
Life doesn’t work that way”

I shuddered with chill
My own stitched up heart races swells
Tingles to the tips

I split the seams open
Rip out the tattered heart box
Watch him hit the floor

My hands are tremors
Shaking over the keyhole
I open the box

Nothingness and hollow
Dirt hinges and fine cracks
Have emptied my love

I had filled the box
With all of my own soul’s love
So now I’m empty too

I will lay down now
Next to my tattered doll boy
Together in heartlessness

Within my soul’s death
A black truth that I cannot
Make someone love me

Mind scurries with thoughts
That I cannot love myself
And that’s the worst part.

~kb
kbww Sep 2018
Take me back to the beginning.
When the air was pure
and my head spinning.
A whirlwind of ideas,
honest goals and dreams.
A simple piece of paper
Becomes more than it seems.
A new light up yo-yo,
A fresh pack of Pez.
Red Rover, four square,
And Simon Says.
Red light, green light,
Time stood still.
Fully in the moment,
Capturing each thrill.

The days became shorter,
Time a constant state of living.
Red lights and green lights
Between tired eyes start dimming.
Air is black with soot
The pollution not only
From the cars and the buses
But from the sad sick and lonely.
Money suddenly a problem
When it didn’t exist before.
Princess castles
Have riches galore.
And at the end of the story,
Love had always prevailed.
Now a bright glowing screen
Excites loves’ tall tales.

And I stir here alone,
Head still spinning.
Counting the ways my goals dwindled,
How many new beginnings
Have altered that innocence
That used to seep through my pores.
The world closes in,
And I shut every door.

If I could just find that girl
That is hidden within.
Tell her to come out and play,
That the world needs her grin,
Her purest heart,
And unrelenting zest
For another new beginning,
Another path on this quest.
I could keep the doors shut
And live isolated.
It’s become comfortable here
Reminding myself I’m just jaded.


I’ve done that for too long.
Time to unlock all doors,
And hold on to hope
That I find her once more.
She can bust through the hinges
And sweep me away
To all the goals and the dreams
I’ve kept hidden away.
kbww Sep 2018
My love for you lasted 7 years, and more,
Though I can’t say the same on your side.
I saw a picture today
Hit my gut
Put a peach pit lump in my throat
Of you
With her.
Kissing passionately
Putting love on display
Even though you told me you hate PDA.
And then I realized what our “love” was for:
Even if I wasn’t who you wanted,
I helped you find who you do,
And now you can love her more.
And I’m grateful for that.
Truly, I am.
Your new love wouldn’t be so good
If you were never my man.
And as for my love?
Now I’m sure I can.
We were meant to be
Meant to teach each other
the wild love we wanted
But could never tether together.

~kb
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