SL - Hello Poetry

SL Apr 2019

Why??

Why did you do this
Why didn't you ring me
Why was I not there
You know I would have helped
You took my heart
You were there for me as I was there for you
So what was different this time
I would do anything for you
Now that you are gone
I can't recover
I wish that you were still alive
But you're not
So I have to go on by myself

I just had a close friend **** them self. Please don't do anything like that. It has a ripple effect on everyone around you.

#mentalhealth #suicide #askforhelp #selfharm

SL Mar 2019

A Cry For Help

A cry for help is what you do once in a blue moon
This thing that you say that you need help but it never comes true
You keep on fighting with the voices and the demons
They control your every move
But you know what you have to do the night you cried for help
You have to hurt yourself in order for the demons to be happy
You have to do everything they say to you have to not eat for a week
You have to not do this for a week
You have to work out every day
You have to whatever the demon tells you to do
Because if you don't then you die
It keeps going on all day and all night
When you cry in your room cutting your arms and cutting your legs
The blade that you hold is the demons voices and the demons actions
The next day comes and you're thinking about crying for help
Instead you just say what the person asking how are you with a lie
They don't care no one cares about you
You go back to square one of telling no one that you are struggling
You put your boundaries back up
You tell what they want to hear
Truly you just want help and need help but that is not given

I asked to be admitted yesterday and my gp did everything but send me up to hospital. That night the demons took over and I was cutting when I was sleeping and I needed seven stitches because of it

#needinghelp #wantinghelp #mentalhealth #selfharming #demonsareeverywhere

SL Mar 2019

Labels, What are they?

Labels, what are they?
You are not defined by the labels of mental health
You are not defined by doctors, or psychiatrist
You are yourself, you are more then a label
YOU ARE A HUMAN!!
Who really cares what labels you have
They are not you
You are yourself, you're the one working
You are the one who is hanging out with friends and family
Not your labels

I am writing a book this poem will be in it. However, it is true you are not your labels what so ever. You are yourself, you are beautiful.

#labelsarenotyou #youareyou #mentalhealthpoem

SL Feb 2019

What is wrong with me?

Heart is racing
Dizziness when standing
Tired all the time
What is wrong with me
Back in hospital after 12 days discharge
Medically unstable but medical team won't take me
Mental health can't take me until I'm medically stable
The same questions get asked
Like are you using this to lose weight
No everything is just out of control and this is the only thing left
I haven't self harmed I've just been restricting and purging
What is wrong with me??

I don't know why I keep ending up this bad. It could because I have no support for family and I have one friend. Psychologist isn't helping I don't even have a psychiatrist. I need help

#ednos #hospitalife

SL Dec 2018

Eating Disorder

What do you think about ed
That they're only for skinny people
Do you congratulate the people who have lost a bunch of weight
Or are you concerned

Does this person look beautiful or do they look sick
How long have they been hiding it
How did they hide it
You saw them eat and drink

They must have done something to not gain weight
Purge, exercise for hours on end or do they starve themselves
They think that they are in control
In reality their life is out of control

It doesn't matter what you say to them
They have been hurt for quite a while now
No one could ever have helped
Except for not commenting on how they look, how they need to lose weight.

Learn from this experience
Don't judge someone because it could just start an Eating Disorder

I'm in hospital and my eating disorder has struck again. I am being threatened with Mental Health and NG tubing. Sorry if this is triggering for some of you but know that I am always able to help

#eatingdisorder #hospital

SL Dec 2018

Life in Hospital

When you're tired and in hospital
It feels like everyone is against you
The demons come back stronger
You can't do anything but listen
All you can do is what they say
No medications are right
You're eating but there's no finish line in sight
I can't do anything right
All I'm doing is the wrong thing
Why is it that no one understands
I don't do things consciously
Half the time I don't know what is happening
I can't wait until I get enough meds to overdose
Then I can be left alone

I've been in hospital for the past two weeks and have been put on papers which restrict me from going out. My eating disorder has taken control of me.

#hospitalsucks #ngtubesucks

SL Oct 2018

Am I A Robot

Doing what I'm told
19 and having no life besides appointments
It was one or two a week
Now it's like five or six

No freedom to do what I want to do
Doing what others tell me
Break up with me, go to hospital
All that I can do is hurt myself

Constantly feeling like I'm just a robot slave
Not allowed to take a break from this appointment life
Knowing what is right and doing it
Are two completely different things

I'm a teenager, I should be able to be a rebel
But can't because the consequences are severe
It's gotten to the point that I don't care
Where I'm beginning to think about cancelling all my appointments

Time to end this feeling of being a robot
Time to be a teenager without mental issues
Time to party again
Time to be me

Throughout the past year and a bit I have had an appointment every single week. This is my last year of being called a teenager I only have a few months left and I feel like I have no opinion on anything.

#mentalissues #appointmentlife #teenagementalhealth