SL - Hello Poetry

SL Mar 2019

Labels, what are they?
You are not defined by the labels of mental health
You are not defined by doctors, or psychiatrist
You are yourself, you are more then a label
YOU ARE A HUMAN!!
Who really cares what labels you have
They are not you
You are yourself, you're the one working
You are the one who is hanging out with friends and family
Not your labels

I am writing a book this poem will be in it. However, it is true you are not your labels what so ever. You are yourself, you are beautiful.

#labelsarenotyou #youareyou #mentalhealthpoem

SL Feb 2019

What is wrong with me?

Heart is racing
Dizziness when standing
Tired all the time
What is wrong with me
Back in hospital after 12 days discharge
Medically unstable but medical team won't take me
Mental health can't take me until I'm medically stable
The same questions get asked
Like are you using this to lose weight
No everything is just out of control and this is the only thing left
I haven't self harmed I've just been restricting and purging
What is wrong with me??

I don't know why I keep ending up this bad. It could because I have no support for family and I have one friend. Psychologist isn't helping I don't even have a psychiatrist. I need help

#ednos #hospitalife

SL Dec 2018

Eating Disorder

What do you think about ed
That they're only for skinny people
Do you congratulate the people who have lost a bunch of weight
Or are you concerned

Does this person look beautiful or do they look sick
How long have they been hiding it
How did they hide it
You saw them eat and drink

They must have done something to not gain weight
Purge, exercise for hours on end or do they starve themselves
They think that they are in control
In reality their life is out of control

It doesn't matter what you say to them
They have been hurt for quite a while now
No one could ever have helped
Except for not commenting on how they look, how they need to lose weight.

Learn from this experience
Don't judge someone because it could just start an Eating Disorder

I'm in hospital and my eating disorder has struck again. I am being threatened with Mental Health and NG tubing. Sorry if this is triggering for some of you but know that I am always able to help

#eatingdisorder #hospital

SL Dec 2018

Life in Hospital

When you're tired and in hospital
It feels like everyone is against you
The demons come back stronger
You can't do anything but listen
All you can do is what they say
No medications are right
You're eating but there's no finish line in sight
I can't do anything right
All I'm doing is the wrong thing
Why is it that no one understands
I don't do things consciously
Half the time I don't know what is happening
I can't wait until I get enough meds to overdose
Then I can be left alone

I've been in hospital for the past two weeks and have been put on papers which restrict me from going out. My eating disorder has taken control of me.

#hospitalsucks #ngtubesucks

SL Oct 2018

Am I A Robot

Doing what I'm told
19 and having no life besides appointments
It was one or two a week
Now it's like five or six

No freedom to do what I want to do
Doing what others tell me
Break up with me, go to hospital
All that I can do is hurt myself

Constantly feeling like I'm just a robot slave
Not allowed to take a break from this appointment life
Knowing what is right and doing it
Are two completely different things

I'm a teenager, I should be able to be a rebel
But can't because the consequences are severe
It's gotten to the point that I don't care
Where I'm beginning to think about cancelling all my appointments

Time to end this feeling of being a robot
Time to be a teenager without mental issues
Time to party again
Time to be me

Throughout the past year and a bit I have had an appointment every single week. This is my last year of being called a teenager I only have a few months left and I feel like I have no opinion on anything.

#mentalissues #appointmentlife #teenagementalhealth

SL Sep 2018

Goodbye

Saying goodbye is hard
Especially when the person is good
Helping you when you thought you weren't worthy
Why does it happen?
To let these people go from your recovery
When you have people constantly leaving
Makes you wonder what is wrong
It's your recovery so you should decide who is on
Not let the people who rarely see you
All you can do is say thank you
Thank you for your support
Thank you for caring
Thank you for listening

I have to say goodbye to two of the professionals who I get along so well with. My last appointments are with them this week.

#goodbye #thankyou

SL Jul 2018

Demons

Another night fighting the demons
Not the monsters under the bed or in the cupboard
But the demons in my head

This battle has been long
It has been 10 years of fighting
And still not getting any better
Slowly these demons are winning

A few more scars on my body
I don't feel any better about it
These nights are getting longer and longer
Taking a bit of me everytime

These demons are getting stronger as I am getting weaker
Wondering how long this battle will go on
I am losing hope in this journey of recovery
Every time I feel like I'm getting better I self destruct

Why is it that I am wanting to be recovered
When all I do is self destruct
I am crying out for help but no one seems to hear me
These demons in my mind are controlling my every action

#mentalhealth