Another night fighting the demons
Not the monsters under the bed or in the cupboard
But the demons in my head

This battle has been long
It has been 10 years of fighting
And still not getting any better
Slowly these demons are winning

A few more scars on my body
I don't feel any better about it
These nights are getting longer and longer
Taking a bit of me everytime

These demons are getting stronger as I am getting weaker
Wondering how long this battle will go on
I am losing hope in this journey of recovery
Every time I feel like I'm getting better I self destruct

Why is it that I am wanting to be recovered
When all I do is self destruct
I am crying out for help but no one seems to hear me
These demons in my mind are controlling my every action

You say you're fine
But you lie all the time
I'm fine is just another lie
What you truly mean is you need help

You go about your daily life
Hoping someone catches your lie
Every step you take gets harder each time
No one knows that you're struggling to stay alive

The phrase that you use over and over
Is just a way to get through the day
Until you get home and no one is there
You start to cry and wonder why no one caught you saying a lie

Do you have people who care about you
How long have known them for
Have they said that they will stick by you
Do they or do they leave

They say that they understand your condition
They say that they won't leave even if you push them away
You're giving them an out
Because you know if they leave when you need them the most

Do you think you are a good person
Have you been there for them when they needed you
Di they reapat back by being there for you
Or do they say you are too much to handle

Do you believe the things they said
Or do you believe that they are wrong
Were they in a bad mood
Or was this a thing tbat was going to happen eventually

Why is it that there is a stigma around mental health
Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not real
Everyone gets some form of mental health in their life
Not everyone understands why.

First coming into hospital
I was concerned about not having anyone
Or being the youngest patient
It was scary because it was a new thing

The first few weeks weren't the best
Being told that I would be sent over to the public
Not knowing any of the nurses
I felt so alone

Weeks go by and I am still getting used to how everything goes
What the intentions of the nurses were
Or if the other patients would understand me
If I would meet someone my age

Now that I have been in here for two months
And the talks I have had with the nuses
Has inspired me to get better
Recovery is a long path

Life is
Recovering from mental illnesses is harder
You never know what day you will have
If it's a good day or a bad day

You just have to go with the flow
It's hard but in order to recover you have to learn to net let things get to you
Letting go of the past when there are still issues that need to be sorted out
Doesn't help

I'm not going to lie I am nervous about recovery
I don't know if I am going to recover fully
But what I do know is that I don't want to be this way forever
I want to be able to travel

Life is a mystery
Life is unknown
The beauty of life is that it is a journey

First slice
You feel pain
Second slice
You don't feel numb
Third slice
You continue slicing
Keep slicing until the numbness has gone
You think that this is the only thing you can do
After multiple slices
You start to regret what you have done
You see the new scars that you have created
Blood soaks through your clothing
Red on your hands and down your legs
Next morning
The day before is present on your body
You gave into the urges but didn't cut deep enough to die
The voices aren't as pleased as what they would be
But you pleased them enough to quiet them down

Stuck in hospital
No one coming to visit
All you have are other patients
They don't understand what goes on in your mind

Psychiatrists don't listen
They say the same old things
Discharge you when you're not ready
All they care about is the money they receive or don't receive

Problems aren't being sorted out that needs to be
Only focusing on one thing that is a side effect of the major thing
Nurses can't do anything besides push you
They don't understand

It feels like no one is listening to your cry for help
No one cares if you go home and hurt yourself
No one cares what happens after discharge
Why should you care if no one else does

Tick Tock
Time goes slow when you're in hospital
Tick Tock
What you think was two minutes was actually one
Tick Tock
You feel like your losing your mind and that's what they want
That's what your mental health wants you to feel like
It's punishing you for going to hospital
Tick Tock
Every second you're in hospital, your mental health is thinking of punishments
Tick Tock
Careful what you say because it determines how severe your punishment is
Tick Tock
Beware of the traps they set, the psychos that is
Tick Tock
No one cares because you are not suicidal
They let you go to let you suffer