I remember crying so much that I thought eventually I’d just run out.
I remember sitting in a hospital bed waiting for doctors to tell me what my heart already knew.
I remember having to show up to an ultrasound appointment because they thought it would “still be good for me”.
I remember people telling me I should get a dog.
I remember nights feeling so alone I couldn’t stand to be awake.
I remember days I slept away just so I didn’t have to feel anything.
I remember the drawer I kept my tests in.
And I remember the day the word disappeared from the tiny screen.
I remember the overwhelming jealousy of hearing other’s pregnancy announcements.
And I remember how every ad that ran across my screen was for a baby item I would never need.
I remember every name I wrote down in the notes on my phone.
I remember not wanting to buy anything until I was absolutely sure it was happening.
And I remember the day I knew it wasn’t.
Through all of this pain,
I hope, somehow, you felt my love.
until we meet again.
Today would have been my due date but some things just aren’t meant to be. I know miscarriages are pretty taboo in our society so I wanted to bring it to the surface, for the sake of myself and 25% of other expecting women. To anyone that has suffered a miscarriage, I am so sorry you had to feel anything like this. Truly the worst pain and the most alone I have ever felt throughout these past few months. Just remember, everyone is fighting battles and moving mountains you may know nothing about, so please be kind💕