i used to stare at the ceiling all night
the darkness never bothered me
after all,
he was my only friend

when i slid razor blades against my
hips
wrists
throat

he was the only one who saw
and he kept my every secret

some people say he is a monster
a deceiver, and a liar

but I disagree

darkness covered me
he smothered my cries in an inescapable embrace

when i woke up on the floor
gasping
the belt around my neck
snapped in half

i knew he must have cut it
after all,

he was the only one there

..and we breathe
begin to oxidise
tears that run to rust
dry on the eyes that see
a boom and then a bust
but
nothing untoward that comes towards me
only Destiny and she's no angel.

People come and go
some I know
some I've known
and now outgrown
childish ways
'not so much
'the good old days'
seen in an alcoholic haze
but
just a phase.

Places
pass or I pass places
faces
wanted posters
more rides on
the roller coasters

what happened to the
brand new?
an engine heading to a fire
two cops sat in the
black Maria and the telephone
boxes that really work

redundancy is the new brand new
and someone knew but it was not me.

the answers we seek
in history, has been taught
time and time again