The weight of all I’ve been carrying is crushing me
stones I’ve put on my own chest
mortared into place with the dross
of lies and failures and regret
pebbles in my shoes
sand in my lungs

Is my struggle my strength?

When I put those stones down
when I go barefoot and no longer wheeze
will I be strong enough to face what comes next?

Or will my no longer blockaded quarry heart wither in the light?

When a white flag is covered in blood,
it looks like a call to arms.

Maybe no one in your life rallies for you,
but do you rally for you?

So bleed on that white flag;
call yourself to arms.

I get sadder than my usual sad
I get nervous-er than my usual nervous
I tremble like… a sad nervous person

When I’m anxious, the poetry abandons me
Just like I want to abandon me
My feet stick but my head floats

U p & a w a y
See, there she goes, that girl
Her head always in the ****** clouds

We are waiting for Godot.

I am Godot, there is no Godot,
We are all Godot, Godot is each of the players,
Godot is the box of the stage,
Is the audience, the usher, the curtain.

Does Godot have a white beard?
Does Godot own sheep and goats, have a hayloft?
What are you going to ask Godot?
Oh, if the boys are his sons or changelings?

We are waiting for Godot.

anger grief resignation hopelessness dread
i choke on feelings stew
clumsy i lift the ladle
i shove another mouthful in
here hungry monster choke faster

I don't cover my laptop camera
Let them see this fishbowl life
At least someone could be seeing

Are you in there? Are you entertained?
Are you a ghost in the machine?
Maybe you're FBI or NSA?

Help, I've taken myself hostage
I need a negotiator  or a ******
Look just please look **** you look

They used to burn people like me alive, stone them, drown them, leave them for the bears.
But you don't need to worry.
I burned my flesh to ash long ago, buried those bones under a cairn with no marker, my lungs have been screaming since I was born and now the water is a relief; I am the bear, mauling itself.
Would anyone like a bearskin rug?
Here, I won't be needing this anymore.
Take it.
Take it.
Please