You're the life and soul of the party
You fill my mind with inspiration
You give my poetry a purpose
Filling my senses with a euphoric sensation

You're a carefree bird flying in solitude
I fell into the trap and became your prey
Unable to set free, you gripped firmly
But you didn't know, I wanted to stay

You caught my attention at the first glimpse
I became yours at that very moment
You were oblivious to my desires
But I gave you my life in bestowment

I was captured by your looks and charm
But you opened up and taught me real beauty
I didn't know the meaning of true love
Then I understood, loving you is my God given duty

I love the way the rain falls
To the ear that listens carefully
Every drop is a musical beat 
As it falls making a fine tuned melody

I love the way the lightning strikes
Bringing with it a loud thunder
For the one with an aching heart
It's like being torn asunder

I love the way the wind caresses my hair
As I sit deep in my thoughts
For the one that is unsettled
It gushes past with a cosmic force

I love the way your heart beats
When I'm standing so close
I can smell your fragrance
Invigorating my senses like a primrose

This is so hard
What am I becoming
I tried for so long
The pain is numbing

I can no longer hide
I have to accept the truth
I have fought long enough
Nothing left to prove

Theres skeletons in my closet
That just won't leave
I'm being ****** in
No chance of relief

Why is this happening
I thought I was strong
My weakness is overpowering
Is this where I belong

I have succumb to the whims
This must be my destiny
No more fighting
This liberation fills me with ecstacy

To say I'm struggling
Is an understatement
Everyday is a battle
But the key is patience

I hope one day
Everything will work out
I'm trying to get there
There's so much self doubt

Life isn't black & white
They didn't teach us this
My minds wandering
I'm falling into the abyss

My heads in one place
My heart in another
Confusion has taken over
I feel smothered

I feel my inner demons
Have started to resurface
Thought I put them to bed
But they're making me nervous

Do I stay true to myself
Or keep others happy
This pain is getting stronger
I'm losing my sanity!

I’m afraid of my own thoughts
Million dark ways to end it all
Every decision is a constant battle
My mind has lost control

Small talk won’t solve our problems
Apologies won’t fix broken hearts
Pretentious smiles in the meantime
Until the next time it all starts

I seemed to have numbed the pain
But my soul feels lost
How long can I carry on
And at what cost?

My life is in your hands now
Every moment I wonder
Can you love me the way you promised
If not, I’d rather be 6 feet under.

I sacrificed my whole life for you but you only saw the part I kept for myself.
I poured my soul to you but you only saw the last drop I couldn’t squeeze out.
I gave you the world but you only saw what I couldn’t give you.
I gave and I gave but it was never enough. You’ve taken every ounce of energy I had and now I have nothing left to offer. My life, my world and my soul are so empty I don’t know if it’s worth living anymore.

I never use to be an addict, I never smoked excessively or drank heavily, it was always casual relationships. But then I met you, you were like a drug to me, I couldn’t keep away, I wanted you, no, I needed you. You were like an addiction. I couldn’t live without your musky scent in my bedsheets, or the sound of your infectious laugh, or seeing your beautiful features on your perfect face, or feeling your chest pressed against mine as our hearts connected. I became dependent on you, without your presence every second was like torture, I needed my fix. What have you done to me? Is it possible to die from a heartbreak because I cannot live like this anymore.

You’re my ray of sunshine on the good days
Like a dark cloud when things are going sideways
I look forward to seeing you when I’m struggling
Then I wish I hadn’t when your temper starts bubbling
I love your good qualities like how you take care of me
But I resent the times your personality changes when we don’t agree
You don’t deserve a poem, but I’m writing this anyway
One day, I hope to be free, look for an opportunity to fade-away.

Your words cut deep in my heart, barely any time to heal before the next even deeper cut enters. And now that it is torn, you ask me why and how it happened?
You’ve never laid a finger on me, you’ve never cheated on me, but you still broke me with your words. Physical pain heals within time, mental pain remains forever... this is me now, broken forever.

“She looks fine”
How many times have I heard this
Said with so much pride
They do say ignorance is bliss

“She looks fine”
My mind in constant battle
My heart aching
My personality ******* in shackles

“She looks fine”
No tears left to cry
No energy left to fight
Putting on fake smiles just to get by

“She looks fine”
Moving on, trying to forget
Taking control
No more regret

“She looks fine”
Reminiscing about the past
The pain came flooding back
Who knew that moment would be her last...

“She looked fine”

I’m strong but feel weak
I’m independent but feel suffocated
I’m calm but feel the aggression
Hello depression

I’m confident but have self doubt
I’m passionate but have nothing to give
I’m ambitious but unable to make progression
Hello depression

I’m a lover but feel broken  
I’m considerate but feel empty
I like to express but lost all communication
Hello depression

I’m a soul seeker but feel lost
I’m a free spirit but feel trapped
I’m a risk taker but lack motivation
Hello depression

You will never understand
The pain your words caused
It’s not alway physical
But mentally I’m distraught

Each word like a dagger
To my wounded heart
Wondering when it’ll end
As we’ve drifted so far apart

As I stand here alone
On the end of this bridge
Gathering my thoughts
Wondering what the future will bring?

This is the point of no return
I’ve done all that I can
No more suffering
Is this God’s plan?

I took a step back
Thought of the pain
I’ll be leaving behind
What will my loved ones gain?

My eyes are swollen
My throat dry
Yes, I’ve been crying
But do you know why?

I feel like I’m falling
I just want to fly
Yes, I’m confused
But do you know why?

I’m hurting on the inside
Smiles on the outside
Yes, I’m in pain
But do you know why?

Blood dripping down
Whilst I’m high
Yes, I’m self harming
But do you know why?

End all my suffering
Here I lie
Yes, I’m 6 feet under
But do you know why?

Don’t gift me flowers because they will one day die...
Don’t gift me perfume because the scent will fade...
Don’t gift me clothes because they will soon go out of fashion...
Gift me your precious time because that’s when memories that last forever are made.

I see you everyday
I wonder if u notice
I try to catch a glimpse
Don’t wanna make it obvious

Try to make conversation
At the first opportunity
Things get in the way
You seem quite busy

But I still throw in a smile
In the hope u smile back
Or even just a hi
Give me a reason to stop

Can’t seem to
Get you outta my head
Frightened to think
What lies ahead

Never understood these feelings
Butterflies in my stomach
Then it hit me
Dayyum, is this love or summat

But how could this be
I’ve lost all control
On the other hand
You have touched my soul

Don’t have the courage
To tell you how I’m feeling
My anxiety kicking in
Random thoughts occurring

Dunno if I’m brave enough
I’m scared of rejection
I wanna profess to u
My love and affection

Negativity all around me
Thought of you keeps me going
Every moment every minute
My love for you keeps growing

This is killing me now
You probably don’t have a clue
I hope you’re reading this baby
Cuz I’m madly in love with you

~ Zeenat Kaji

Why is loving you
Such a chore
All I wanna do
Is give you more

You distance yourself
From my presence
This is supposed to be love
Not a prison sentence

The more I offer
The further you drift
I’m a fighter
Won’t ever quit

I made a promise
To love you forever
My heart still beats
For you, my lover

I want you always
In this world and the next
A moment without you
Is a moment of regret

The day I stop loving you
Will be the start of my demise
My lost soul pondering  
If we’ll ever meet in paradise

~ Zeenat Kaji

“I love you”
Just three little words
That can change someone’s world
It’s not always easy to say though
For some it’s the most difficult
Three little words they will ever say
Because they don’t know if they’ll ever hear it back
And that’s the worst kind of heartbreak

~ Zeenat Kaji

You claim to love her
But every rub is an irritation
Are you really in love
Cuz it feels like suffocation

You’re clinging on to
A love that’s vulnerable
Excuses at the ready for
Prolonging the inevitable

Self respect disappears
Much like the passion
That once existed
Not even an ounce of compassion

Unable to set her free
Losing all hope
A loveless life
You cannot cope

If I promise to let you go
Would you ever take another look
Your face once filled with laughter
From you, this is what I took

I have come to my senses
We cannot move forward
Me hanging onto a habit
If only love was straightforward

I wish things were different
Ifs and buts are just words now
It was over a long time ago
I broke the most important vow

~ Zeenat Kaji

You know depression is creeping in when...
Small things pick at you,
Everything starts to bother you.
Sadness begins to form,
Misery becomes the norm.
Smiles quickly disappear,
Anger moves up a gear.
Loneliness is preferred,
Thoughts become blurred.
Hasty judgements often occur,
Negativity you cannot deter.
Finally, it all becomes clear,
Death you no longer fear.

~ Zeenat Kaji

If suicide allowed me to be in your arms for just a moment I would be dead already.
The thing you don't know is that every minute I'm away from you, I die just that little bit more. Eventually your absence will be the cause of my silence, an empty shell wandering, thinking was it even real?

~ Zeenat Kaji

I’m an addict,
You’re my addiction.
You’re my wine with every meal,
My drug before bed.
A moment without you,
And I’ve got the shakes.
You’re my poison,
But I need you.
Is love the real addiction,
Or is it just you?
But then I realised, without YOU,
I might as well be dead.

~ Zeenat Kaji

When you keep yourself to yourself, they think you’re a loner.
When you open up, they shut you down.
When you try to occupy yourself, they say you have no time for anyone else.
When you accept depression, they think you’re making a fuss over nothing.
When you cry out for help, they think you’re acting out.
When you feel suicidal, they think you’re attention seeking.
When you’re gone, they wished they had done more.

~ Zeenat Kaji

It only starts with an innocent smile
Quickly turning into long conversations
Before you know it, the whispering starts,
And you're stuck in a rut.
You know what's right from wrong
But you still want to please your whims and desires.
You have to realise one thing,
It's never the heart, it's always the demons.

Today is the beginning
The day I finally become your wife
On this day I make you a promise
You'll always be number one in my life

Only a year ago we met
And I gained a best friend
Today, we become much more
Soulmates till the very end

I will take care of you
And will never leave your side
No matter what Allah tests us with
Together, every storm we shall ride

I can't think of anyone else
With whom I'd want to grow old
My love, my life, my husband
You are everything, my world!

You didn't just steal my heart, you touched my soul like the sun kisses the sea at sunset.
If I had known that one day my soul would be crushed into nothingness I still wouldn't change every minute I spent with you.
Some people love you and leave you but you loved me like no other, my heart will forever occupy you love until it's final beat.

You walked into my life as a stranger
Like the cool breeze kissing the leaves
Our souls met through those gazing eyes
The inner beauty is what the heart perceives

Your kindness outshines all
With joy you bring smiles to a sad face
Like the full moon perfects the night sky
Your affection is something I must embrace

You came like the wind
And left like a hurricane
You Broke me into a thousand pieces
My heart can't bear this pain

Crazy thoughts running through my mind
What did I do so wrong
My life has become an empty shell
Your heart is where I wish to belong