Cold mornings like this I wish I  could roll over your head on my shoulder
I wish I was warm again
feeling these sheets and your skin
and I wish you were the coffee that burned my lips because
I'm cold again
The branches are empty
and so are my hands

I have this bad habit
When I wake up all
I can think about is
You.

I want to say you were good for nothing
But that's a lie
You were good at keeping me alive
I bottled everything up inside
You were my release
You sparked the fire,
that delivered a cascade of emotion,
from a boy who didn't speak
But that's not,
What you were good at.
You left
And now.
I have something to do again,
Fill the bottle once more

I've never craved anything as much as I crave you.

The last I love you was a waste of breath
that I'm sure I'll be missing as I lie
down on my deathbed
yearning for
one
more
second.

Remember the way the leaves used to crumble between the spokes of our tires?
The exciting monotony of that broken pavement
The stories, the races,
and now,
Just the few paces
That separate us.
For our world is the same,
Yet so different from those years ago
Where life let our happiness flow.

No one else has ever felt this,
And at the same time, I know everyone has.
I'm so far away from home and it's lonely.
But tonight as we drove home,
You fell asleep on me and I couldn't help but
Think of how much I love your hands.
Is that weird?
Your hands are so familiar,
They have a piece of home in them,
And when I hold them.
The loneliness goes away.

A sea green glimmer in the pitch black of repeating breaths and unheard goodbyes.
Something about them I hope I never forget
Stitching up the seams of every broken thing.
The vivid music of silence and mirroring love.

I remember the warm nights
The silent drives
The laughs
But not the cries
I wasn't there
You wouldn't let me
Too scared
You had to protect me
So let me,
Take your hand again.
We'll drive somewhere new
You can tell me of.
Let's not focus on the date,
And time ticking away.
Until the storms return,
We'll pray during our infamous
Hydroplane.
That our breaks don't fail us.
If they do, I'll crash with you.

Have you ever met someone that makes you want to create art? Just create. Write music. Create a film. Someone so beautiful you can't hold it in and the only way to express it is through painting the perfect masterpiece? But the perfect masterpiece is her, the ultimate piece of art. Not just any art, the awe inspiring combination of sounds and colors that hit you at your core, inspiring the never ending cycle of creating inadequate art to reflect your perception of her perfection only to fail to articulate any ounce of her beauty.

I'm miles away from home
The air is colder
The people unfamiliar
But for some reason
I feel a sense of purpose
I think I'm closer to finding
You

Some days you will find yourself
lost out at sea,
You will need a lighthouse to
guide you back to shore,
And I've found mine in you.

Do they miss me like I miss them?
Am I a voice inside their head?
Or am I just another kid no one gets?

The rain drops fall on my skin,
yet I don't feel drenched.
I hear it, I know it's there
Kind of how I feel,
when you whisper I love you.
I hear the words but nothing
follows
We've done exactly
what I've feared.
E i g h t  l e t t e r s,
have become a routine,
The clouds break over head
Downpour,
But I'm numb

You're the sunlight splintering
through the overcast
Behind my eyes.

If you really would like to know my name is Amsterdam.
I've been floating here for awhile,
Somewhere along the way the person
Holding me together let go.
But For the most part
I guess you could call me, happy.
The thing I've noticed with people,
They always find a problem with everything,
You can't just sit back and see that the fog behind her eyes are the very thing that makes her perfect.
Life just isn't told that way.
I know someone out there has to agree.
Someone out there has to be something like me.
I'll just float along watching you from here, wishing I could fix your problems,  show you the way the rain smells is maybe all you need to smile again.
So I'll stay here until I find where I belong.
Until I find someone to hold me into place again.

I struggle to find words that portray the feelings I have for you.
There's more to love than words.
Out of these elaborate languages we've somehow constructed
nothing can grasp the complexity for how you make me feel.

Your name ripples across the puddle inside
of my mind everytime
You step inside.

I have this feeling
I think I lost something.
Or never had it at all.
Did it slip pass me as I daydreamed of tomorrow?
I need someone
A person who knows,
What happiness is.
Rid me of this confusion
Take me on a long drive.
Somewhere new,
Somewhere you knew,
And teach me
How to live.

I have this dream of a,
blood orange sky rippling
Down through the cracked window pane,
Of this crumbling house.
The faint sigh of faded beauty
Resonates among these chipped walls.
We walk there down
the boulevard from when we were happy.
Yet all I can feel is the fleeting feeling, I felt when
your lipstick stained
my cheek for the
final time.

The familiar taste of nicotine
In your breath
Excites me
Maybe because I'm
Taking one step
closer to cessation
Every Time our lips meet,
But you're the bad
habit that haunts me in my sleep.

She paused from our kiss
Took a breath.
And I opened my eyes.
I saw her,
Taking it all in as she held my face
She quivered.
I smiled,
That's when I knew
She was enough.

You were never the kind
Of person
Who could
Get comfortable, who could settle down.
I felt the uprooting.
You set fire to this house
You let the smoke rise,
Before you warned me of danger.
Only when you were safe,
Could I be warned.
By then it was too late.
I had already suffocated.

It's the time of year again
I can see my breath fade my friend
The way your perfume
Stirred in my bedroom
You stood next to me last year
Why am I still here
I followed you into that dark abyss
Why'd you leave me with a poison kiss

My skin and bones are healed
But can I say the same for my mind?

The clouds disperse in my head
When you're laying in my bed
when we roam
in the same home
Im not scared
For me you have repaired.

I think happiness is when you find someone walking the same speed as you.

I want to tell you
The words that's come to mind
When you smile the way you do.
But I'm not the kind
Of guy.
That makes the first move.
So I guess this is goodbye,

You're the cure to this melancholy nostalgia that has followed me through life.
Nothing is as bad as I remember and everything does get better.
We can face this together.

I walked through a rose bush simply to find you the perfect rose
I reached the other side
Only
To find I was bleeding and alone

I'm tired but I can't sleep
I'm hungry but I can't eat
But you
You keep coming back for me
Or is it just what I think
Nothing more than a blink
And you're gone.
Is this the disease?
Or the attention I need?
They say a chemical imbalance
I plead
It's not that but more
But Words cannot explore
The lack
Of what
I'm feeling.

i take another sip of lies you fed me like the salinity filling my lungs
But your lies they taste good
Like the whispers in my ears
All the doubts and the fears
It felt like years
I still think about it
A constant cycle of empty promises
Like saltwater in my lungs
But I keep coming back for more
Replenish and regret
I try to forget
You, brunette
Oxygen debt
Deficient of you I need more
Like saltwater in my lungs

In the world we live in it's more acceptable to believe in the Devil than it is to believe in God.

(How do I get out of my mind)

I hope you're happy
And I mean that.
It seems to me my hair is now longer
My pants are no longer darker
And you live a little farther.
Now happy is not black and white
Happy was spelled with a Y
Back in junior high.
Today it's spelled with a joint
A bottle of jack, Oh, I forgot the exclamation point.
In the end it seems okay.
It's been ten years, for some four, for some less.
Nothing can break us, nevertheless.
It wasn't like the movies and it wasn't like the books.
Some got lost,
and we don't exchange looks.
But I won't forget the windows down,
The music loud.
I hope it meant to you what it meant to me,
And I hope you're happy.

I feel like,
By the time I'm finished preparing for my future
I'll be too old to remember
The things I enjoy.

I wrote notes in my favorite book for you
But you moved away, one day in June
You waited for me to say goodbye
I could only recall that this was both happy and sad but maybe that’s fine?
I drove to see you and oh how you’ve missed home
The solace in your eye the monochrome gaze
They’ve all changed
Our friends, your home, the difference in the cold
The cover was torn my from favorite book
I still read those lines and think of you
oh how I’ve told you so many times that I’ve loved you

I grew up knowing what my future held
My dreams crushed by aspirations
I didn't care.
But why
It seems
On the eleventh hour
Do I forget everything.
I don't know what I want anymore.
Please if it's one thing
Don't follow the crowd.
That's it.
Now I walk in a room full of forgotten friends
What happened in these past years?
Just
Don't let
Life slip through
My fingers.

Thoughts hang suspended in the air
Like wires of unrepair
And how im nothing more than a mourning prayer.
Everything is still inside of there
I don't care,
I tightened and set the snare.

Whose umbrella will you be standing under when the skies come crashing down

We're like, the cautious,
Wind that, blows promise.
Light in, the window,
Touching, Breathe slow.
You and, me now,
Far away, from sound.
Don't let, it go,
Dripping, like snow.
We're like, the cautious,
Waves that, break conscience.

I hate clichés as much as you do
But I love you so much it hurts
And I don't know if you know that I do
Or if I whisper it to you as you sleep
To calm this anxious insomniac
You chose to share a bed with.
Don't leave, just stay and keep me warm
That's all I ask, and I can get through the day.

Grass stains
Ash trays
Empty lives
Empty days
Don't think twice
About the second choice

Will we ever leave this page of hypothetical love?

Slow breaths on my neck
Have never felt so familiar
A hallway of mirrors
I’ve seen her before
like relapsing on the floor
I wanted to write your something lovely
but I’m so scared of this lack of apathy

From afar you're the kerosene burning
Fixation and suffocation
Filling the room from the floor up
I breathe in the smoke
But don't choke.

In
Bits
And
Pieces,
You
Make
Me
                                        Feel.
Even
If
It's
Carelessly.

You're the perfect thunderstorm.

I prefer you over sleep
Your dark brown eyes engulf me
Keep talking
Drowned out my enemy's
I prefer sad faces
Over bright smiles
I'm attracted to broken people
So why can't I love myself?
Drape your black hair over my pillow again
Make these thoughts go away
I prefer you over sleep
I prefer music over nicotine

Falling in love with you
Is like opening the
First page of my favorite book
Again.