i am looking
at you
as you look
at her
and though
it's all temporary
it still
hurts me
to the bone

- i'm trying to forget

i miss the sunrises in the morning
and the stars at night
i miss the weather there
and the sights

i miss the *****
Caleb would always collect
the hammock we played on
and all that

i miss the sand in my toes
and the rolls of the shore
i miss the company i had
dolphin
octopus
stingray
lobster
shark
turtle
whale
they're like family now, that's a fact

i miss singing in the afternoon
that continued along at night
some sing-along we did
praising God, with all our might
i miss the laughters we shared over small talk conversations
and the random jokes we made
during sessions
i miss our late night girl talks!
though some of us cried
it was a blessing im sure
thats something i can't lie

i miss the prayers
with Ms Teo and Mdm Lily
the support of our lives
the officers who are oh so lovely

i miss the way we would walk just to get water
i miss even that,
because the little things matter

i miss all that
but one thing i know now
is that we grew stronger
the bond we have
i will not trade for another

maybe one day it'll come by again
til our hearts content
by our sides
singing along to Yesus Kekasih Jiwaku
i'll see you again next time
til then, heres my temporary goodbye.

maybe in the long run
i'll be able to find what's best for myself
to understand that self growth and self love
needs its own perfect time to find
the way it blooms, the way it says
"i am okay"
without hesitation
and in those little things
i do
for patience's sake,
i will be
okay.

the day i left,
i decided on many things.
that if our fingers intertwined
my lips will not let out a breath of home
that if you looked at me
and i, at you
i will not smile, grinning from ear to ear
that if you kissed me on the cheek
[right, which you always liked]
i'd flinch, not in fear
but in uncertainty
that if there was a gift on my doorstep
from whom it may concern - you
i will not hesitate to be in hesitation
to take, or to leave.

the day i left,
i decided that our fights
were mere words of unspoken bits
here and there
probably i had known i didn't need them
but maybe, somewhere in my future,
it'll tell me otherwise.

the day you left, perhaps,
there is regret
in my solitude,
you have given your whole heart to someone else.
you decided on things like
the sunset and rain
that reminded you of me
and now that maybe were both gone
the last thing on your mind
when the clock turns 6 in the evening
is her.

the day you left,
i woke up with no morning texts
no reminders of me to eat,
to get enough rest
to be okay
to remind what's left of me
you left completely.

the day we both leave,
at once,
i await.
til that day comes,
i know now,
you'll have my heart
- always.