Why do I die so much?
Its distorted constellations
Dissonant sounds
The joke was always funny
But I forgot to laugh
I never had to learn how to die
I just did everything for you

My favorite song is a sad one

Why do I die so much?
Its my joy diluted
My eyes dialated
I watch poison course my veins
But I couldn't feel high
I want to live forever
But I keep giving my life for you

My favorite song is a sad one

I've got my feet
They are real to me
Able to take me where I want to go
The mountaintop the beach
To you
And away

Because my words are trees
Being chopped for firewood
They keep you warm
They make you hot
And I'm sorry

I've got these calves
They itch with anticipation
But my toes stay still
With fear I can't be
To you
Away

Because these words aren't what you want to hear
They scare you away
They make you fear
Then make you feel
And i'm sorry

I remember when every shadow I saw was her
A blurry eyed vision
A colorless shape without edges
An energy I could feel
Always present
I remember how her hands would touch me
Softly leaving their mark
She wrote her name on a wall
In black marker
Then she carved it in stone
I remember when she loved me as I love her
Her ephemeral love
Her phantasmal touch
Her promise
To always be there in my darkness
I remember when she was behind me and in front of me

I cannot forget

I remember when she loved me
As a ghost can only love a tortured soul
As the spirit loves the flesh
My flesh torn by her fingernails
Her calling my name
I remember how she left me

I cannot forget

My ghost
Fell into the shadows
And disappeared
Gone
I don't know where she is
But I know
My ghost with love so sweet
If she's not haunting me
She haunts another

I am a wall you carve your name into
A stencil in time and motioning hands
Beckon me forward
Call me as though my ears were formed to know your voice
And music could not exist without your skin
I am a ship in open ocean
Battered and bruised by belligerent waves
Carry me under
I am in current meant to wash your star-lit shore
And your island is my earth

My star cannot shine
Unless your eyes can see
My seas are your words
My gold is your dirt
My sun is your hope
My heart is yours

My gold is your dirt
I am the son of the soil
And you the seed
May these roots of sycamore grow
And reach your vision
I am a star only if your universe allows

I am an empty desire and an early death
An unmarked grave
In a battle ground
An unknown soldier spilling blood to win your war
I could never give my life
I never was alive

Except for you

My gold is your dirt
The land your feet will walk on
I will worship the sidewalk
And love a ghost of memory
Never forgetting a shade of blue
I place nothing above you

My hands create the stars in the night
Building brilliance from the dust in the sky
It's only light
It's only seen if you care to look

My hands caress the skin of your thigh
My fingers know your name as my dreams of your eyes
It's only love
It can only be felt if you let me touch

My hands are waging war with the forces of sin
And every particle and every place we begin
It's only hope
It can only be whatever you want

My hands are giving feeling in the chest of a soul
This planting seeds that only grow and unfold
It's only me
It's only your heart and the way that it beats

All my heroes
               Are dead
Most of them
               Were killed

And I envy them

It must be nice to believe in something so much
To be so influential
And so revered

Someone wants to ****** you

In the evening at the festival,
During morning in the vestibule,
I keep it with me,
My little jewel,

Then,
If winter cold and cracking is the air,
I wouldn't care,
Naked and bare
There's no above,
And cold below

You can take away my destiny, still,
But can't take away what I believe,
Always beside me,
Never to leave,

When,
Springtime flowers, birds singing in the air
The more I care,
The more life there,
Once peace and love,
Are all I know

Still, I am stuck in disparate cycles
Being led astray by false disciples,
Still keeping it close,
My little hope

I bring a flashlight
Into outer space
The ether in between
Galaxies
I bring a candle
Into a cave
And not see the paintings
Of ancient memory

Heaven help a soul who falls in love

I bring a lamp
Into the void
And cannot find an outlet
I'm left in abysmal darkness
I'll bring a torch
Into the woods
But it never could protect me
From the wolves

Heaven help a soul who falls in love

In my moment of weakness
I look to the stars
I count my any blessing
And I find its many blessings

Gifted by god
To be tested

Still I know
It's a blessing I'm alive

Abstract and surreal
Still
Something you can see
With your own
However many eyes

Patters emerge

And these steps lead to
Where
This beak is just a tail
My face
In a mirror ball

And misunderstood

Still it is art
In its highest form

My night is done
It is only going to be dreams
And rising suns

No more fear of darkness
No more falling in
No more self destruction
No more

My night is through
It is only going to be morning
And feelings true

No more disbelief
No more lies I hear
No more eternal darkness
No more

My night is gone
And the nightmares I have known
Lose all meaning

No more demons chasing
No more jaws of hell
No more Satan's whisper
No more

My night is over
And I'll only fall asleep
To dream

Straining my train of thought
Arranging the stains in a peculiar way
Gaining a new painting
With a same old frame
A new meaning with the old
Blood and gold
Good and bold
Deranged to the point I believe my pain
Is something that I need

She loves even my darkness
My painted past

My perfect meter
Is a haiku when I want
To write a haiku

Iambic pentameter that I write
So often goes unnoticed by you all

Dachtyl meter
Trochee meter
Even lord Byron's
Anapest meter

And then there is meter I invent
Sent to my soul
From the stars
But always very rhythmic
Read it aloud
You'll hear my voice
Through my words.

My queen is made of flesh and bone
She walks through dreams in our nightmarish home
My queen has heart
My queen has soul
My queen has pain
She has my love

I could never dream
Without her
Just a lonely king
An empty empire

My queen could be anywhere lost in this world
But still carry me with her
My queen has skin
My queen has feet
My queen has hands
She touches me

Her truth much more
Than a thought to me
She's my home
My reality

My queen cries
And I cry with her
Still when she smiles
I know

My shotgun smile
Laugh away the edge
You know I love you
And you love the way we're intertwining
I love the way way the blood spills

My shotgun smile
A sun dial and music
Always time that's true
And your time is all that is me
I'm happy as can be

My shotgun smile
Loaded with dreams
Sweetest schatzi
I'm aiming for your heart
The place we start

My shotgun smile
You intruder
You know I love you
The way you break and enter
I know your face

I speak a dead language to a shadow
Spreading a disease like honor among thieves
I use my hands to open doors
Disguised as another man that's out of reach
I'm out of time to read the stars

My sister
I don't ask for understanding
Only this

That you would hear my song

I'm digging up fossils that time forgot
Like the leader of a band of rogues
Searching for answers buried in the past
And should be left alone
Picking at a wound so it can never heal

My sister
There are spirits on my side
That only want

That you would hear my song

My soul is litter on a highway
I hold my eyes closed with my hands because I don't want you to see
Oh, how it was useful before
Now merely disgarded debris
Garbage that is still in love with you

My words that sound so sweet
I whisper delicate meaning because I lack the strength to scream
Oh, how I used to sing before
Now I'm only crying into clouds
Raindrops that burn and blow sideways

My heart is a broken sun
Rising still in my body and crossing the sky in your mind
Oh, how it used to give you warmth
Now the winters coming
And the sun is a cruel reminder

My love is a pile of ashes
Fragmented and distorted as a garden with no flowers
Oh, how it used to hold such scent
It used to live inside you
And as a phoenix it will live again

My disease makes me feel happy
When I'm alone I feel alive
I'm drinking bitter poison
And loving the taste

My sickness makes me healthy
When I hurt I feel the hope
Of a better day that's coming
Something to look forward to

And as I'm floating through the void
That even light can't reach
I'm thankful
I have my space

My sweet angel battles with demons
Its always heaven and hell in a way eternal
A war which will keep on raging
A story that's never ending

My sweet angel found a way to save me
While one of her hands held a sword
And she was swinging it into darkness
She held me with the other

My sweet angel sang a song with my voice
Spoke words with my thoughts
Held a meaning
In her heart
I would do most anything
To hold my sweet angel in my arms
That she feels my heart beat
And knows its because of her

My sweet angel sees nightmares in her sleep
Because she dreams so sweet
That a tongue cannot taste
Without going insane

My sweet angel is the only one to save me
I'm the only one to show her
That she is the love
I always need

My sweet angel became my only saint
My only every belief
My trust in fate
My guardian
I would do most anything
Offer up my life
To grant her strength
That she must keep fighting

Its always heaven and hell
In a way eternal
Its all her light in darkness
She becomes my faith

My sweet angel
Im going to love you forever

Its all I ever want to hear
What you say
And suddenly
(As if brought to me by lightning)
I believe

These eyes that look at me
Remind me of Aphrodite
These hands that reach for me
Could be none other than Helens

Its all i ever want to hold
Skin porcelain
Antique beauty
(Created with precision grace)
And I believe in perfection

These lips that speak to me
Demeters during spring
This woman's spirit
Might be Diana's on the hunt

Its all I ever want to be
An image
A dream
(Two thousand years in the making)
Something to believe

I've got my feet
They are real to me
Able to take me where I want to go
The mountain the beach
To you
Away

Because my words
Are trees being chopped
For firewood
They keep you warm
They make you hot
And I'm sorry

I've got these calves
They itch with anticipation
But my toes stay still
With fear I can't be
To you
Away

Because these words
Aren't what you want to hear
They scare you away
They make you feel
They make you fear
And I'm sorry

It's my great strength
I need restraint
Before the power that I wield
Becomes a weapon
A fire
That consumes us all
Im clad in pure white
With simple grace

May my words be glorious
Victorious
Infintisimal
May they be a glitch in the matrix
Seen before
Done before
When it's the first time you hear

May they be the wings of angels
The hands of devils
The non committal
The ever lasting truth
And always
Let all of my words speak to you
In a way you never knew
Let them show deeper meaning
Profundity of feeling

May my words be shouted from a pulpit
Or whispered from a pit
May they be everything
Both fools gold
And wiseman's lesson
An image you see in your mind
The beauty of mankind
And the torture that comes from living
A painting in black and white
With no canvas
And space and shape
Are only sound
Of my words read aloud

May my words be the footfalls
Of a sanguine traveler
A despondent wanderer
Let my words find their home
That they may win or lose
Or be whatever you choose
Let them find you

May my words reach you

I cannot accept
Nor deny
I cannot feel
This broken lie
Its time and time
And crime and crime
Faulty wiring
No more light

Its you
And you don't have a name

I can't let go
Nor hold on
I can't believe
I can renounce
Its touch and touch
So much so much
I beg and plead
I'm asking please

Please don't have a name

Armistice is over
Killing fields full of flowers
I let you build your army
Rock steady, drop bombs
And now its time for me to bring the end

Cheap defenses and lazy art
Heavy cannons in my arms
I can never be the one to blame
Now I am aiming
Even if I cannot say a name
Nameless as you are

I would love to
April rain and may flowers
Just to be a part of something
Something so intrinsic in nature
But my own nature
Is to fight against
A forest is on fire
And I'm a helicopter to drop a million gallons of water

Man can see
And create
And change
The fated course of what should be

But should we

Stem cells, and bioengineering
Tarot cards to see the future
And genetically modified food
All beginning the end
And human nature
Dictates that we know best
When we don't
And we won't

Let the waves wash over me
Let the days come to me
Let my fate play out for me
I would love to

But I don't known that I can

I don't know,
Well, I really don't
Is it comforting
That nature is addicted to the same chemicals that we are
Or is it disturbing?

I can have a map
I don't know where I am
I can have a compass
But which direction am I going?

Can I really know?
Only if I make it
Where I want to be
Its just a wait and see

Its only one step a time

Haiku's are failed art
While trying to match a scheme
You forget your heart

What do I have to give?
A rat in a trap
Chasing the cheese
After eating the poison
Slowly and slowly
And lower and lower
My heart beat descends
Until it stops

I only wanted
And it was too much

What can I give?
Not jewels and fortune
Not recognition and fame
Not anything really

Only my love

And it was never enough

The unexamined life
Is the same as a life not lived I'm the first place

I haven't been
In a long time
I have a dream
That now escapes me
Nothing
New
Nothing as all it ever was

Happy
I haven't been
In a long time
I had a dream
And everything I do
Is meant to take that dream
From memory

I've grown
By dying
I've grown to like the taste of poison
On my lips

I haven't been
Happy
In a long time
To the point
I start to doubt
That I ever really was

I've died
As a consequence of finding
That that's the only thing
Life really has to offer

I'm still alive

Only barely

But tomorrow does bring a new day

New mamas got her sundress on
Stars in her hair
Sun in her eyes
New mamas got her sundress on
And I know
It won't be long
Because new mamas got her sundress on
And it's making me know
What I want

When I wake
Its you I want to see
When I am
Its you I want to be
When I dream
A light gleams far away in your eyes
When all I see
Are new moons rising

I put on a new pair of shoes
In a familiar way
Tongue and soul
Untied shoe-laces
And walked to the nearest mystic
The mere thought of my dearest divinations
Being bought
Surrealist encantations
I took a familiar step
And look down again
To remind why its all the same
Yet somehow different.

Yeah
Sure
The ocean is deep
But we're trapped on a terrestrial realm
Its not as deep as you think
Because my love is a rocket ship
And space goes deeper
Than most can imagine
Nebula's and newborn stars
Black holes

New worlds my love will reach

And if I've felt pain
It's only because I have hope
Like a newly blooming flower
Fragrant, and beautiful color
On a planet no ones ever seen before

New worlds my love will reach

Its not a new write
Its new expression
From an old soul

Just let it go
I'm in too deep
Forget about her
I'm too in love
Move the **** on
I'm stuck where I stand

And I don't know what to do next

When each second of holding
Is holding too long
I change myself to the perfect night
For what's already gone
You would laugh it off and say
Its already done
But I hear the haunting remnants
Of the saddest song
How can I be strong?
How can I be strong?
The subtle dissarray
And what my life's become
When each bitter drop of black
Night that lingers on
And keeps the stars from meaning
And keeps me from the dawn
How can I be strong?
How can I be strong?
This creeping loss of feeling
And what my life's become

My wish on the stars becomes my home
Wings and legs and hands driven
Home is the place where my heart is
A taste of honey on my tongue I won't too soon forget
My wish on the stars happens only in darkness
When the sun that gives me life hides behind horizons
Darkness of the type when moons are waning
I fall into her
Into her night

My hopes are a season changing to spring
Growth and love and peace becoming
Spring when the flowers blooming
Become the sweetest nectar on my lips
To taste the salt of her skin is my sole ambition
My hopes grow stronger through my pain
When these bitter days and suns that set
Steal away the pristine light of life at dusk
I fall into her
Into her night

This is night
The cold velvet blanket
That wraps around the world
And covers our eyes
The loss of light
The ephemeral tragedy
That descends on the young and old
And terrifies

There are monsters in the shadows
And ghost in empty rooms
And witches, and werewolves
And vampires on main street

This is night
Under a new Scorpio moon
As autumn now is falling
And the feeling of dread and doom
The death of today
When wicked men will roam
This is night
And I feel at home

While winds crack though the tree limbs
The owls, the creatures stirring
And the ghost, and the strangers
Who lurk with sinister intentions

This is night
And I love it

I wish I could change the world
And that seed I'm planting now
Is a rose
In all its symmetrical beauty

I dream I could
But what I know
Reality can be a gift
Or it can be a nightmare

Does this body now become a cloud
And drift over horizons
Looking for new mornings
While raining all the world he knew?
Does the sunset hold some meaning
Teaching painful lessons
About how even beautiful days
Ends in dark and dysmal night?
Do my eyes look upwards for the sky
Do my hands dig deeper in the dirt
Do I accept that most of the questions I ask
Will never be answered?

I have to take this shot straight
Straight to the heart
And hope
I don't get drunk

He will wander through his life
A traveler with no destination
Mean man meanly occupied
Lacking vision to establish aspiration

A stranger in a strange land
Inviting and awaiting calamity
Means to an end and nothing more
Lacking the strength of character to uphold his virtue

Vacillating will of a traveler
Obsessed with what is trivial
Meaningless things meaning more
And all his ideals meaning less

He will wander through this life
A traveler with no destination

There is no day without night
Dark without light
Joy without pain
There is no love without hate
There is no love
Only bitter memories

There is no up without down
Silence and sound
Truth and whatever you said to me
There is no love anymore
There is no love
There never was

But I cant help but still believe

They say the day is fading away
All we see is all we know
They think were sinking on the brink

There's nothing new
Nothing to prove
Two thousand years
Does our pain now turn to joy?

There is no more
Genius
There is no hope
For changes

King and kingdom
Fall apart while I still see straight
I know that bones are all the same
Only memory
Never name
Our inaccurate history
Our most hated fate

Becomes mine
Becomes me
Our whole lives spent on becoming
I once was king

I once held
Until my hands grew weak

Source and sorcery
I held noble aim of heart
Uncorrupted
Uncharted
Unknown
I was once king
If only in my mind
If only in my dreams