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 Jul 2018 Torin
emily Sarker
In moments
I get scared to love u.
For I am a broken girl my love.
Have you not heard the tales about us?
We are the weakened and wounded souls that lash out in order to save ourselves.
We are the bleeding beauties that bleed when hurt.
We are the mentally ill that will not stop till you  yourself go insane.
We open out gates only to descend back behind our walls after we give u a taste of our love.
We offer love only to close up in fear of a broken heart.
We constantly feel hurt over the most minuscule things.
Love is something we want
but love is something we cannot accept.
My love,
We are like a ticking bomb
And love is the match that will set us off.
Run away from me my dear.
For I am a broken girl,
And we broken girls are dangerous.
falling in love too fast after years of being broken over and over I noticed I couldn't accept love because my past of heart breaks kept me too cautious of hurt to the point I became a toxic lover
 Jul 2018 Torin
emily Sarker
Leaning against the wall,
I slid down and sat there on the cold ground.
Quiet on the outside,
but in the inside
I was screaming.
With my Head on the cold dead ground
I pulled my legs in close to my body arms over my head.
I Curled up into a position that a human body merely wasn't made to find comfortable.
I lay still
So many emotions ran through my head.  
To handle these emotions seemed foreign to me,
For I did not know what emotions I was feeling.
Tears streamed down my face while I lay quiet and still.
Frustration of not knowing why I was crying or if this was what it felt like when sadness took over me was driving me insane.
Yet I lay still.
Not one scream
not one change in my face
not one limb flinched.
Weak and tired I cried the tears that my body could still produce.
Until I began to fall asleep
As tiredness and failure took over me
I gave into my mind and laid still as my mind cooled down and celebrated victory with a dream
I have never been able to understand or grasp what fully happens in an anxiety attack but this poem describes the last stages of  one where you give into your mind as everything gets slow and you eventually knock out from the inner war you fought against your mind. Anxiety attack are unknown  to the human mind
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