In case you did not know,
there is a wonderful forest where the toys go.
Inside they bounce and play.
And live out their day.

My favorite people live here
even though they are not.
I visit them often,
with or without ***.

Honey and balloons.
Carrots and OCD.
bouncing tigers and roos
and pigs with anxiety.

Owls with terrible spelling
and wonderfully awful advice.
These are the things that comfort me
When the world isn't so nice..

I am completely amazed by your grace and beauty tonight.

A biting cold gnawing at the bones

                                                          ­                                                    



                                                             ­                                          




                  ­                                                                 ­                             Freezing the marrow at the source

                      



                           



                              ­   I dare to be so bold to wear a T-shirt

                                                       ­                   


                                           ­ 




                                                            ­                         Body fluttering like a sparrow in the devil's hour

    


                                                             
­




                        There is nothing like brisk air to shake my mind from despair

                                      

    





                                                     ­                                      and rile my body

                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­          



                             



                  ­                              I will seek and find an excuse to leave my lair.

Allow me to project my insides
Beside your ear.
Certainly you can
Determine how the
Emptiness within my body
Forgoes the exuberance
Gathered on the surface.
Haphazardly phrased fragments
I speak
Just to be heard, even faintly.
Knowing my words
Level worlds,
Monopolize hearts,
Negate negativity,
Omitted from the explicit.
Perfectly formed fractures
Qualm me as they
Reverberate through my body
Slithering their way
Through Timothy's
Universe.
Viciously assaulting
Where they fit best.
Xenobiotic and almost parasitic
Yarns about a
Zealous life not yet lived

Usually people will say
happy birthday without
actually caring for the day
I am a lout


I had no idea the 26th was so important
Instead of perusing thoughts I laid dormant
Had I risen from fake wars in Afghanistan
I would have noticed it was the birthday of Lori Callahan!

I apologize for missing such a special date.
I hope it was one that no others can equate
For you deserve a day to yourself
and a special memory to put upon a shelf

Happy Birthday Lori! A friend so sweet.
Happy Birthday Lori! I hope someone massaged your feet.
Happy Birthday Lori! I hope you had a cake with candles.
Happy Birthday Lori! May this year be guided by angels.

Happy Birthday Lori Callahan!

Catapulted into a torrent.
Flung and spun
in an abhorrent pun

A flow of disease
oozes like melted ice-cream
over me in a breeze on a high beam.

It's disgusting
how you can sit with a smirk
and watch me combusting and ****.

Needless to say,
I just laughed at how karma cascades
cause the person you left me for that day gave you Aids.

Staring into a stream.
splashing
Side by side; it gets no better.

Eyes blur so pictures
walk across the page.
Side by side; it gets no better.

Roof is collapsing.
Floor is sinking .
Side by side; it gets no better.

It's a birthday.
It's an un-birthday.
Side by side; it gets no better.

Living together
while alone.
Side by side; it gets no better.

Underneath the sun.
Underneath the moon.
Side by side; it gets no better.

Many happy returns to your days.
Many happy returns to your nights
Side by side; they will get better.

There was a soft green glow
that read "4:00am".

It was a burning reminder.
He had no place to go.

That blinking colon
mirroring two zeros;

mirroring his pupils
blinking away 'til his life's end

Each second reflected his inability
to face reality with a semblance of tranquility

He was shaking.
Fearful of the sun rising.

The sunlight brought truth.
He didn't know who he was or what he was going to do.

I don't want you to be perfect, just be passionate.

Meticulous and loveless, she does her duty
with flawless execution in a calculated fashion.
Every task she has accomplished
is done with a robotic passion

The wires of her brain
are smoldered in place.
Insulated with old errors
she computes a quiet disgrace.

Malicious programs in a trojan horse
sent from a suspicious source with a familiar name.
She brought down her firewall to let him in
which is why she feels such shame.

I watch her as she marches;
no style, no finesse, no grace.
I want to give her a soft touch or an honest whisper.
But I'm prevented by the anti-virus in within my interface.

At
the end
of a busy
intersection
perpendicular
from where I was standing
I could see sun reflecting
off auburn hair and a green dress.
and the wind carried a scent of sweet
honey, vanilla lotion and Jasmine

Arizona Ice tea
Pixie sticks
Chocolate and nougat.
You always had something to sell me.

Bumped up a quarter from the price at the store
You were alone while others traveled in pairs.
I could hear you running up the stairs.
Somehow your soccer ball would always hit my door.

Seven is supposed to be a lucky number
Ebay, what you got for me today?
I would say.
50 cents for candy lumber!

Maybe if I played with you that day.
You could be sitting here typing.
No tears on your face for wiping.
Could be that bullet never went astray.

How can people be so evil?
why?
A seven year old shouldn't know how to die.
I shouldn't be experiencing this emotional upheaval

She always knows
She always knows what to do
I'm glad she's just a friend
and doesn't know the crew

I never tell her my story
She reads every page herself
She never touches the exhibits
the essences of me
elegantly
arranged upon the shelves

She always knows
She always knows what to do
I'm glad shes just a friend
and never knew the crew

She paces in silence
Slight smirk under her eyes
As she wanders around my gallery
galaxies
analogies of abnormal realities
Seen from within the guise

She always knows
She always knows what to do
I'm glad she's just a friend
And will never know the crew

Every so often she pauses
Her footsteps resound
The curator looks up interested
and solicited
a reaction uninhibited
From a mind profound

She always knows
She always knows what to do
I'm glad she's just a friend
And doesn't want to know the crew

Her analysis is always unique
And as if she was the artist
The curator thinks, in retrospect
she is correct.
As she walks out the exit
Her path is marked by a trail of stardust.

She always knows
She always knows what to do
I'm glad she's just a friend
And is unknown to the crew

Yes, you're beautiful. No, I don't want a ****** relationship.

When your name leaves my lips
I'm reminded of your kiss .
Each letter caresses this tongue
as yours in moments of bliss.

She was in an
Orange dress with yellow accents.
Wishing I was the blacksmith
That forged her silhouette.
As I watch those stiletto steps
fence across the concrete.

Each strut piercing
the pavement like needles.
The way her hips are waving is lethal.
And that dress is almost see-through.
I want to stand beside her
and see her through the b-sides
that nobody wants to listen to.

Let us get drunk and watch Winnie the Pooh together.

A man came to my door late last night.
It was about 8pm if my guessing is right
He seemed shaken and overcome with fright
He stuttered and stammered as I turned on the porch light

Timothy he said
Timothy he begged
Please listen to me he pled
I must save you his tongue shed

Flabbergasted at the sight,
my thoughts abstracted despite
his quadratic explanation of my plight.
We connected like an arc light.

Hold on I demanded
Wait a second I commanded
He could tell by my look I was stranded
in the immensity of the situation so he spoke candid


*So your here to save my life? What do I say to something like that?

The days have blended into a poetic haze
of mismatched syllables, hanging participles
accented with a hint of discourage.
My purpose use to be therapeutic.

Each rhyme I wrote was a comma in my run-on sentences.
And for awhile, I could breathe. Each breath became less wheezy, uneven and strained.
After I gathered enough air, I dared to speak.
Me? How could I even have the audacity to think!?

To my disbelief, my words didn't fall on deaf ears.
The anxiety, shame, depression and fear woven
into every poem made me familiar in the minds of strangers.
These strangers made me feel human.

With quickness that's comparable to the slickness of a parable
I was ****** from a catapult into the essence of prose.
However, the latency between the beginning of my literary journey
and the discovery of my gift for poetry was afflicting my sensibility.

I succumbed to the bullying from hyperboles
and the taunting of iambic pentameter.
At times I was afraid to talk to neighbors
for fear of narrative structure overhearing.  

Now, I am wandering in a fog
though the hills of unpublished work,
echoed only by the crunch of "not good enough" beneath my feet.
This was therapeutic.  Now I use it to influence my movements.

Bottled up like salad dressing.
Top on, sticky side down.
Put a little pressure on the pressing.
Call it depressing when you take the finger from the noun.
Wrap it around
in a figure eight turn.
Discern or nerves will churn.
Pain is the name of the burn
sensation.
Loosen it at the day's cessation
and keep it on for the duration.
The continuation of blood circulation
is key to the prevention of amputation.
Whether physically or metaphorically,
keeping an injury wrapped in a challis
is the best thing to keep a healthy tally.

Dead skin soup
marination for the soul.
The longer it soaks, the more the skin droops.
More flavor for the porcelain bowl.
Seasoned with scrubs,  wash, and shampoo in the stoup.
Scrub hard, rise hot and watch the tainted drain down a black hole.

Concise
Device
Advice
Entice
A peculiar devise concise in
function. Often advice entice woe.

I'll love you ten times longer than you'll love me

Today is my birthday
I turned 22.
I will not be partying
I have things to do
Cold stone at 2
Class from 6-9

It may seem like a poor way to celebrate
Such a wonderful day
However happiness is in the moments remembered
So alcohol isn't in my plans today

Concentration is too limp
to penetrate my skull
My thoughts are like mold
slowly eating away at my sanity
There must be a way
There has to be a way
To protect my soul.

The spots represent galaxies.
An infinite world of possibilities.
Stars in space spaced by realities...
and gravity

The spots represent a journey
within a world, constantly turning.
A mind doing the same thing
without an object to cling.

The spots represent gaps in commitment.
circling around the truth: orbit.
A reach inches short of it
A love that remains dormant.

The spots represent a mistake made
in the hustle & bustle of laundry day.
Washing whites, I made the bleach spray.
To my dismay

My favorite moments
are spent in darkness.
Seconds spent sightless
wrapped in a woman's embrace
Eyes closed, breath held and lips pressed
against an opposing pair.
The hair of my mustache
brushed past and tickled
the top half of her thought's brim.
She giggled and bit a little
letting me nibble the bottom
as her tongue dribbled to the middle.
She became my phantom limb,
rolling and waving on my whim
and I, hers. As if I were sutures,
she quivered like this moment closed
wounds left by others. But I'm no doctor
and she's no lover. We couldn't even see
what we were doing to each other.

Names are funny.

Have you ever wondered what your name would be if your parents didn't name you?

I'm one of the lucky few
that know.

If my parents didn't name me,
my name would be
Timothy.

You see, apparently,
when two people love each other,
Mommy cheats on Donny
with daddy and all three
demonize the baby.

Unfortunately,
abortion isn't an option.
Poor Donny believes
his little Johnson
made a tiny Willie
but really
it's Mike's Rick.
The trick wasn't revealed
until
Donny signed the birth certificate.

Obviously, Karen's husband abandoned their family.
Mike ripped his love from her and gave it to Dominique.

Karen,
twice-scorned,
mid-divorce,
postpartum,
decides a shelter isn't suitable for a nameless infant.

At this point, it's a little too late for abortion.
Nowhere to go,
knowing she can't stay,
Adoption became the practical option.


The noxious auction caused a nauseous reaction to her conscious. Karen picked the option, least pompus, with the most promise. An intuitively honest Christian was brought to her room so she could sign the synopsis.


As she's reviewing the terms of this blood oath, she glances at both of the parents cradling her second baby boy. They turn and ask


"What is his name?"

"I don't know. I thought he was going to be a she so I had the name Sade."


"That's ok, we have a perfect name in mind. Timothy."

Take the strings off the viola because
That's where the music is.
Take the nails from the floor boards because
That is where the pain is.
Remove the support beams because
That is where the strength is.
The uselessness
Of these objects
Is determined
By where they are placed.
The fire.
The warmth.
The burning reflected from
Your face
Is incomparable to the destruction that has taken place.

She made breakfast
of sausage, toast and eggs,
sunny-side up.
With a smile that reflected
my shattered perception,
I scarfed the food down.
It was a pitiful apology.
The toast was burnt;
the sausage cold and
the eggs were runny.
It was a meal put together
by someone that knew
they could do no wrong.
I ate every crumb in a false show of good faith.
You see, breakfast comes every morning
with or without our participation.
The tears on my heart, however,
are only made with her designation

I am experiencing a problem with my poetry
I do not know what my next step will be
Wobbly

Stumbling

over syllables and web pages
I am shaking and vibrating
Spot light is blinding
on life's stages
I keep forgetting my lines
So I speak of shoe laces
in leveled metaphors
and the look of their flesh cases was ageless
Yet, I can't stand their faces

Not on this or that knee

It is anxiety
I thought it was mild but its becoming severely
annoying. Faults and fractures
flake my stature
like bark from a tree

Just start running

Evading
Something I do not want to face
Slave trading, soul maiming
while their raiding
I am hidden in the shading
of planets in space
We're all black in this place
No superiority nor disgrace
Just aiding
the next broken person
so they can have a chance in the race.

He's five years older than me.
He stepped up and became a man
when our father didn't want to be.
When mom was too high and drunk to see
and I was too young to make money
realistically, he
was in the street
making sure we all could eat.

It's a bad place to be at 14.
A brother too young to chase his dreams.
A mother so focused on pleasure,
she doesn't understand the effects of her schemes.

He just wants to escape the Stockton scene
where gunshots ring out like wet towels.
People shouting out sets like wolf howls.
Where the sword is mightier than the pen
and defending yourself just puts you in the pen.
Somehow this boy became three men.
One for me, a man to this day I mirror to be.
One for my father, showing him how to be a daddy.
One for himself because a real man lets nobody determine his wealth.

I have the utmost respect for my brother.
We're not friends on Facebook, Twitter or Tumblr.
We know, without saying, what we mean to each other.
Any day I could call him and ask for a favor.
We can have a whole conversation without the need to speak.
He's even the reason why I'm such a geek.
Nobody can be more of a man than my brother, Dominique.

Silhouettes of perfection
mirrored in the moon's reflection
As they dance across the plain.

Sheets of grass are crisp with dew
From the condensation
caused by the concentration
of their gaze.

Blind to the life they draw
they are stopped only by thunderous applause
from the voyeurs of their strain

Horns shattering the silence of an intimate exchange.
Excited by the very motion of the living.
The color of their exsistance change.
Any misgiving and the other will find where fury preys.

12
6+6
7+5
8+4
9+3
10+2
11+1
12

Seems simple enough.
Reality was like a *****
film. Beaten and touched
by the sins of a woman corrupt.

Too poor to play.
Mom was getting high,
so I joined a play
to stay away
from the fists and verbal abuse of the day.
No lunch money.
Mom was getting high,
So I left for school at 6 A
M. Yes Ma'am, I was dropped off I would lie
everyday.
No, Sir, It's ok I already ate" I would lie
everyday
Tim, wanna come over and play?
*No I have to go home and get slapped and and screamed at when my mom isn't screaming some strange man's name...I mean...I have homework to do."

Straight F's. Never attempted a page.
Too busy learning what goes well with sage
And how to calm my rage
The singe of my skin let my emotions disengage.

Every time the levees were going to break
Just crawl into my hiding place
Heat up a paper clip
and all that was inside would slake.

10 years later I am covered in scars
Hundreds, head to toe, all over my fleshy bars.

They are much more difficult to see.
However they are still embarrassing
Thus the long sleeves and I always wear jeans
irregardless of how hot or discomforting.

One day I want new scars, head to toe
tattoos to tell a new story.
of how I escaped the blues
I never really did but it sounds nice.

To have questions is a blessing
To have no answers is a curse
like a song without music
or a verse
No beat to bob your head
just silence in your headphones
louder than a gospel chorus
Breathing won't cool your porridge
per se
Looming thoughts are howls in the forest
Not day
And your a long way
from home
Hello, Hi, Shalom
barely phase the surface as you roam
inside your mind's cage.
Can't turn the page
cause the book is glued together.
Like feathers
Confidence falls from the sky
as you drip-dry
fresh from a sea of doubts.
You can build a house
with hay
but hey, bricks can be thrown
when the wolves are at bay.

Infatuated
with a woman I won't meet.
She took her own life.

I would talk to you, but I have nothing new to say
We spend the hours of our day
together

In spare time we joke and play
Chat about yellow, blue and grey
weather

I meditate while you pray
Our minds connected so they can't stray
tether.

Even though it sounds cliche
Your smile makes me float away
feather

You can see it in my eyes' dilation.
In the way I lick and bite my lips,
wrap and clench my fists
between sheets of frustration.

Something in the way your hairs twist
insists the soul of an artist.
I swear it was made by a florist
and sprinkled with stardust.

And the quasars your eyes are
Shine brighter than light fractured
through the stones your fond of.
I'm jealous of everyone who's experienced your gaze before me.

The physical features of your body
are just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak,
Of why I find you enticing. Your mind is so entrancing
it could make the Titanic re-sink.

There is beauty beneath your hair,
Behind your eyes, in the center of your mind and the crust of your skin.
A universe of beauty you hold within. As I witness something that rare
I tell myself...No, force myself to believe this is just infatuation.

You and I are cut from the same stone
Diamond
We can see the full spectrum but red doesn't show our anger.
Bull.
It is the motion that incites our movement.
Equilibrium
We can only rest when we know our limitations.

Its my daughter's first birthday. I  haven't seen her yet.

Amidst the silence of an apartment
judgment screams like a stadium broadcast.
The footsteps and chatter coming from the walls
reverberate through all six sides.

Six separate families.
Six separate worlds.
Six separate galaxies.

With one man in the center,
hoping one of those footsteps is for him.
Praying one of those laughs will be familiar.
As he lays on the floor of his home, a small
piece of his hope is chipped as the sounds
fade away into the silence of the night.

Once again he is engulfed by the blackness
he finds so soothing. This is where the footsteps
are for him. This is where the laughter is familiar.
Because they are his own.

64 squares and 32 pieces
white and black or black and white
pending your thesis
whether your black or white
they all have the same features

8 pawns, simple creatures
8 x 2 is 16
infantry disguised as peasants
trying to get above the 7th
to the 8th and replace
their meager form for something more severe

2 rooks, sitting on the edge
2 crooks robbing everything perpendicular
to the perimeter provided the king
doesn't falter in his pledge


When the night rolls through,
the knights roll through.
Puffing green goo, these squares or cubes
will move an L make a 7 and ***** you.

The bishop will say a blessing
as he stumbles across the board.
Moving forward diagonally,
these drunken priests drink towards
a leader hung with dressings

The queen? That greedy broad
thinks everyone is a pawn.
constantly placing her place
in the face of those trying to take her place.

The king orchestrates the beat
carefully placing his feet before god.
His feat is living, no great givings,
giving up the wrong square will make his crown your treat

Fly through my window, my sugar-lump, to find molasses candy

Looking at her in the rear-view
mirror; the hero never looks back
at the explosion; the destruction
of ***** because, honestly, everyone
wants to ***** and ***** and *****.

Her edifice crumbled to the ground
like so many great empires. She thought
her romance was Rome; I put roam in romance
and like Nero, I played music while her cities
burned.