feels like
my head
keeps slipping down
beneath the water

swallowed
by the void

your words
weaving
sweet daydreams

fill me with
hope

until

the words
remain
just that.

my heart,
now full
of hate,
needs somewhere
to release

because
even though
you
****
i don’t want
to hate you

and
i can’t
keep it
inside

like
i used to

those drops of water
sliding across the glass
feel like
the tears
i won't let myself cry

in your mind
how long
does this
go on?

can you tell me why
this life is worth living
without you?

the fire
for me
in your heart
died quietly

tell me,
love

where did it go?
and
why
don’t you know?

we always meet
in the same spot
in my dreams

i'm looking
at this empty chair
with my heart's wish
and true desire
to see you there

and then
the day came, when
your name

didn’t
cross my mind

you enjoyed me
when i was the fantasy
a memory
of a person long gone

i tried too hard
to be real
to you

so now
you're gone

my body
rejects my sadness
hardens me instead

the most
authentic
path
answers to
no one
other than
the one

what is
the point

this question

haunts me
every day

why should i
bother

does my suffering
matter

and
the answer
determines
the future

with so little
time left

and so many
stones left to turn

this journey
seems
to extend

beyond
my understanding

along
an infinite road

beneath
countless moons

loves
hates
deaths
fates

infinite stars
light my sky

hiding your darkness
hiding mine

what does this mean
for me and you
when i
still can’t tell the truth?

the unafraid
are people like
me
who can see past
what others see

my soulmates
here
i find
those who tire
of the grind

the status quo
is what we
tried
but
spirits inside
won't be
denied

for moments
or even seconds
we crave
the times
we deny the world
of a slave

the void,
you

missing from my day

all of my distractions
have run away

a sad calm
albeit a reprieve

i just hope
you didn't really leave

how did i put
any trust
in you?

and
why did i let you
influence
what
i do?

your words
and
actions
were not
equally
true

so
.
goodbye
to
you


p. s.

(i hope
the void
brings someone
new)

each time i find the strength
to release this stress
it comes back to grip me
even tighter

this year was ours
mine and yours

i am forever changed
i am new
i am ready

i know a love
like no other

i'm never
looking back

it’s funny,
how much time
you think
you have

love is time
and time
is precious

forever
keeps getting shorter
while i
keep getting older

time
will
run
out

timing is
never wrong

just have to
figure out
why
it's right

i'm tired
of feeling guilt
for what comes naturally

there's no void
or self pity
no yearns
or regrets

tired of daydreams
dissolving
in the face of reality

today
my long-term wondering
becomes a short-term demand

today i feel you
this magic love
resonates like bass
deep in my chest
presses gently on my heart
a reminder
we are here
we are alive
we are love

today
felt so far away
from where i stood
then

but now
here i am

woke up
in a sea of calm
yesterday's gloom is gone

warm sunlight
pulls me out
from hiding

for a moment
i can forget
my aching heart

getting here
took
forever

but now
things are moving
too
fast

i know

all
of the pain
i caused

the choices
i stole
from you

i
feel it
now
with you

your cries
of pain,
heartbreak
are almost
too much
to bear

and now i know
how
i wronged you
and
now

it’s too late

i’m sorry
but it’s too late

i felt you
last night

your touch
calmed
me

toxic blood
toxic breath
toxic you
toxic death

O divine lover
heart liberator
with magic in your eyes
and the purest of hearts

i don't deserve you

but i love you

i've slowly become trapped
i'm no longer me
grasping in the dark
for the latch that,
when opened,
will set me free

all
of your
self fulfilling prophesies
(that i once defended you from)
drowning in fear
insecurity
weakness
and ultimately
your soul’s darkness

are
coming
true

and
it’s a
relief

to let you
be
what i see

and
for everyone else
to
know

you are
those things
not because of who you are
but
what you allowed yourself
to become

today
i feel the freshness of truth
on my lips
waiting to spill out

i can't remember
which lies
are for who
maybe
i should just start
speaking the truth

from beneath the layers
of my buried past
you emerged
suddenly

old love, regifted

fire
that consumes me
will
birth
new me
later

i know
i could be brave
and evolve
and walk
confidently
over this hill
and on to the horizon

but
instead
i see in your eyes
the reminder
that you didn’t want me
and i just
fall
into this deepness
drowning
in
sad reality
an ache
of being unwanted
of dwelling
on
this

i know
i could
just
…
walk away

but
i
dont

when
i am still
for too long
the sadness
is louder
so
i have to
keep
moving

how many

.times.

can you learn the same lesson?

sad truths
waiting
in plain sight

finally
sink in

you make me rage

because

it's just not

right

you are divine
my savior
i cherish you

love
love
LOVE
you