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..
Theia Oct 2019
..
saved all of my tears
until they burned
and i became nothing
...
Theia Feb 2019
...
dot
dot
dot

did i make it awkward
or did you?

-me
--always me
Theia Aug 2019
don't you see?
me?
are you listening

i cannot be me
until you recognize

all.the.things
in life
are calling

am i out of line?

why haven't you knocked

on
my
door

here's the key
i'll leave it out
underneath the dirt

wind blows it all away

passion is my middle name
you must have none

are you that scared

of what i cannot see

must i live these years
identically

repetition
breaks my heart

i had the notion
that you were not the same

can you feel this rhythm

it leaves my hands
and ventures out
into the unknown

catch it while you can

life and time are allies

sometimes they love the thorns
Recently found some poems I wrote at age 22.
Theia Aug 2019
Stacks of pencils
Lined the shores
But no one could write with them

They used all their words
And cut off their tongues

How will they tell me

Chop it all off I said
Strand by strand
Each pain goes away
And comes back
It never works, **** I always thought it did

You once tried to kiss me
In your living room
I cut off your head
And that chance didn’t i

I burned that bridge
And now I want to cross it!

Come find the string
That holds us together
I never saw it
I even tried to gnaw it off

I bet if you pull it
We might end up in the same place
Sing some songs for me
Put your voice in my ears

Tell me what you really feel
Because I know you’re lying
Theia Jun 2019
2 empty glasses
left on the table
remnants
of a moment
not too far past
Theia Feb 2020
3 years ago
i cried on a bathroom floor

(that was the first time i cheated on you)

my freedom
scared me
but

now
it sustains me
404
Theia Jun 2019
404
am i real
without my voice?
Theia Aug 2019
Trees flying by
disappear only after a moment

Leaving you and everything else we had
beyond my horizon

all hope i had
turned into the reality
of paths
of life
living

circumstance..
all i believe in
how our paths are true
how we go in the right direction for ourselves
this is what took you away from me
not hate or jealousy
but the divergence of two paths

at this moment
i can only try to understand
how things work the way they should
because i can't believe that now

i had imagined what we would be
upon your arrival
things to come
things we'd do
just me being with you
but now everything is blank
i can't see my future
i'm returning home to uncertainty

yes, i'll be fine
i can breathe
but all the things you could have fed to my heart
go with you now
as you wind your way down breezy roads
sun shining
smiling

it's like trying to stop a waterfall
you can't
it just flows
I try to stop
try to block you
but i can't
it just flows

i'm weary
i'm torn apart

this past day
reminded me
how good i had it with you
how wonderful it feels to be with you
and how much i'm going to miss it all
and it's not fair
i had no time
i was unprepared
but you're not coming back
and part of me isn't coming back either
Theia May 2019
emergency
the abyss
we finally faced it
and i
stumbled back
unable to contemplate
that next
tumbling
step
Theia Mar 2020
i want
your actions
to fulfill
my dreams
Theia Mar 3
the bottom
dropped out

but
in
the best way
possible

like
when
the dam
breaks

the goodness
is flowing
into
my
open
arms
Theia Jun 2019
all the way up
and
all the way back down
again
and again
Theia Mar 2020
i'm cheating
on you
you're cheating
on me

what
a
coincidence

did we just
agree?
all
Theia Feb 2019
all
kissing you was easy
bliss
a firework
the realization

"this is just the beginning"
nothing will ever be the same

lingering, savoring
"what happens now?"

--------everything
----------anything
Theia Jun 2019
can you just
pour into me
the things i need
effortlessly
without hesitation
give me
all of you
Theia Apr 2019
am i
tumbling
into another life?
Theia Aug 2019
our love
makes me a liar
Theia Dec 2019
today may be a better day
but
it’s still a day
without you
Theia Dec 2019
we have to preserve this
at any cost
i will live a million
pretend fake painful lives
to live one
real one
with you
Theia Dec 2019
this burning
wonder
does it bother you?

push you
like it pushes me?

do you even wonder?
how i am?

do you care?

are you still there?

...?
Theia Nov 2019
today
i give up
on trying
to make you mine

and
all that’s left
is the ashes
Theia Aug 2019
i think
you're just someone
who tolerates me

but

i'm not sure
there is anyone else
who would
Theia Feb 2020
you think
your irreverence
makes you authentic

actually
it makes you
stupid
Theia Jan 2020
my
imperfection
& impatience

i expect
will drive you away

just trying
to speed it up
Theia Oct 2019
a year ago
i found you
smiling, looking for me

we found ourselves
close

big room
feels small with you

your hand
on me

walked out of there
we

a year ago
i found you
Theia Jul 2019
every ball
i've tossed in the air
is on its way
back down
Theia Nov 2020
your face
against mine
heart races
faster than my mind

beautiful you

an easy kiss
a hard goodbye
Theia Jun 2019
belief
makes it
real
Theia Jul 2020
i hope
you're alive
and happy
and better
without
me
Theia Aug 2019
this sadness
grew today

the wringing
the tension

a black hole
reducing me
to nothing
Theia Dec 2019
can't you just
stop
being in denial

open your **** eyes
and help me
say the words
i haven't been able to

but i guess
what could i expect
from the person
who thinks
they still love me?
Theia Jul 2019
my blooms
never reach the sun
because
you crush each one
Theia Aug 2019
my body is scared
of something
my mind
doesn't yet know
Theia Feb 2019
here
not here

with you
without you

joy
sorrow

can we be two things
at once?
Theia Sep 2020
i don't think i can do this.

deep breaths.

he's making it hard not to hate him
he doesn't even see me
he is a stranger now
his eyes are dead

deep breaths.

he makes me
scream
cry
hate

he is turning me
against myself

deep breaths.

i can get through
i can resist
i can keep aiming high

i can achieve
my happiness

deep breaths.
Theia Jan 2020
i know that
i just broke your heart
and i'll admit
that mine broke all over again
even though
it seems to have been breaking
over
and over
for the last 12 years.

i will say
that
each time
it got a little easier.

i saw your tears
heard your voice
with desperation
you
trying to grasp
the end.

for your first time.
and for that
i am sorry
Theia Apr 2019
i'm slowly building
enough courage
to take
the first step
Theia Nov 2020
if
you're not
going to jump
into the fire
with me

if
you don't feel
this burning

if
it doesn't eat you up

if
i'm not enough


then
please
go
away
Theia Dec 2020
once they came
the flowing tears
covered all of me

they would not stop

mourning

burying you
Theia Jan 2020
fragmented
but free

a fresh step
up a lonely hill

yea, it's scary
but
i'm free
bye
Theia Aug 2020
bye
how many times
are you
going to leave

without
saying
goodbye?
Theia May 24
i did try
and
unfortunately
you're not
the guy
so
bye.
Theia Jun 2019
the rhythm
of peaceful breathing
this calm
this solace
we cultivated
together
Theia Aug 2019
can i stop
pretending
to be happy
now?
Theia Oct 2019
no matter
what i do
can't stop
loving you
Theia Jul 2019
i have to be careful
so you don't think
i'm too broken
Theia Oct 2019
so much easier
to catch something
than to let it go

(letting go is inevitable)

the weight
of my mind
feels heavy
these days

i really did think
for once
my hope would turn into
reality

real things
don't last

nothing.
lasts.
Theia Apr 2019
i'm getting closer
to being OK
with keeping our love
in my pocket
Theia Feb 2019
you thought i was going to work
but i went north instead

driving fast around the curves
until the road's end

i have to get to the top
to the highest point

it's the farthest i can get from you
and the closest to the sky

maybe the wind will just
******* away
Theia Jun 2019
being content
never lasts long
when
you're faking it
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