i'm looking
at this empty chair
with my heart's wish
and true desire
to see you there

today may be a better day
but
it’s still a day
without you

i earned
my
independence

i will
protect this
at all costs

so when
you threaten this

freedom

you
no longer
exist
to
me

when you went away
to join the war
i made a bracelet for you

(rose quartz
labradorite
and jet)

and when you returned,
you gave it back

much to my dismay

but now
the bracelet
is on my wrist
everyday

to remind me
about
what you gave away

no word
no phrase

can conquer
the depth

of this

dot
dot
dot

did i make it awkward
or did you?

-me
--always me

fire
that consumes me
will
birth
new me
later

can you just
pour into me
the things i need
effortlessly
without hesitation
give me
all of you

convincing you
to love me
also
convincing myself
that
I deserve it

i have to be careful
so you don't think
i'm too broken

these days
i'm driving a little faster
with a little less fear

some days
i might be a bit
reckless

i realized
the other day
that
i can no longer feel
my
fire heart

most days
i don't see
anything

you are divine
my savior
i cherish you

love
love
LOVE
you

today
i give up
on trying
to make you mine

and
all that’s left
is the ashes

the void,
you

missing from my day

all of my distractions
have run away

a sad calm
albeit a reprieve

i just hope
you didn't really leave

kissing you was easy
bliss
a firework
the realization

"this is just the beginning"
nothing will ever be the same

lingering, savoring
"what happens now?"

--------everything
----------anything

the sadness
of your soul
still
haunts me

i guess you’re gone now
but you didn’t say goodbye
i guess i’ll move on now
but will always wonder why

the moon pulls
our love's tide

today
your sea
flowed into me

you dug
a little deeper

your essence
became me

maintaining the facade
at any cost
to allow
the free flow
beneath

i'm shedding
bad skin
learning to be
this new me

2 empty glasses
left on the table
remnants
of a moment
not too far past

if this is your love
then
i don't want it

pull me into you
cover me
in your touches
smooth me out
make me purr

your words
weaving
sweet daydreams

fill me with
hope

until

the words
remain
just that.

i am a work of art
imperfect
in motion

my canvas changes with time
people leave marks
experiences in many hues

everyone sees me
only you understand

this burning
wonder
does it bother you?

push you
like it pushes me?

do you even wonder?
how i am?

do you care?

are you still there?

...?

this year was ours
mine and yours

i am forever changed
i am new
i am ready

i know a love
like no other

i'm never
looking back

stroking your ego
is the work
of a weak woman

i'm a secret
hiding in plain sight

you probably feel me
or hear me sneaking at night

i can give you a hint
if you really want to know

but most of the time
it's better to let me go

my legs are kicking wildly
pushing me away
trying to get out from under
your oppression
your wringing of my soul

i know i went willingly
in the beginning
but now i have to stop it
before it's too late

how do i say
i miss you
before
i have you

I just
Wish
You wanted it as
Badly
As I do
And why didn’t you just
Come here
And
Tell me
And
I’m
Melting
Into myself
The
Self destruction
Of this
Burning

i've slowly become trapped
i'm no longer me
grasping in the dark
for the latch that,
when opened,
will set me free

here
not here

with you
without you

joy
sorrow

can we be two things
at once?

getting to know you in pieces
little glimpses
through your windows

these savored moments
the seeds
of the future

being content
never lasts long
when
you're faking it

today
my peaceful river
reached a waterfall
i tumbled down
deep, deep
to the bottom

my sorrow
like the roaring noise
water's strength
water's howl

tomorrow
my river flows
wraps my mending heart
puts back in me
some hope

so, wait a minute.

are you leading me?
or am i leading you?

our love
makes me a liar

this dream life
is starting to blend in
with my real life

you're like..
the opposite of love
in human form

awake
asleep

i dream in both

escaping my reality

day
& night

and if
i admit it
am i
weak
because
i need
you?

this
is not
logical

i know

but
this is
my fear

i loathe
pity
and weakness

(you know this)

they threaten my peace
they counter my core

you are both

you are nothing

you are the me
that i fear

compromise
has a price
that i have
overpaid

saved all of my tears
until they burned
and i became nothing

love is time
and time
is precious

you enjoyed me
when i was the fantasy
a memory
of a person long gone

i tried too hard
to be real
to you

so now
you're gone

destined
for
wheel spinning
and
second guessing
what i said
and
awkwardly
ghosting
everyone