i earned
my
independence

i will
protect this
at all costs

so when
you threaten this

freedom

you
no longer
exist
to
me

dot
dot
dot

did i make it awkward
or did you?

-me
--always me

convincing you
to love me
also
convincing myself
that
I deserve it

can you just
pour into me
the things i need
effortlessly
without hesitation
give me
all of you

fire
that consumes me
will
birth
new me
later

i have to be careful
so you don't think
i'm too broken

when you went away
to join the war
i made a bracelet for you

(rose quartz
labradorite
and jet)

and when you returned,
you gave it back

much to my dismay

but now
the bracelet
is on my wrist
everyday

to remind me
about
what you gave away

these days
i'm driving a little faster
with a little less fear

some days
i might be a bit
reckless

i realized
the other day
that
i can no longer feel
my
fire heart

most days
i don't see
anything

today
i give up
on trying
to make you mine

and
all that’s left
is the ashes

the void,
you

missing from my day

all of my distractions
have run away

a sad calm
albeit a reprieve

i just hope
you didn't really leave

kissing you was easy
bliss
a firework
the realization

"this is just the beginning"
nothing will ever be the same

lingering, savoring
"what happens now?"

--------everything
----------anything

i guess you’re gone now
but you didn’t say goodbye
i guess i’ll move on now
but will always wonder why

you are divine
my savior
i cherish you

love
love
LOVE
you

the moon pulls
our love's tide

today
your sea
flowed into me

you dug
a little deeper

your essence
became me

the sadness
of your soul
still
haunts me

maintaining the facade
at any cost
to allow
the free flow
beneath

i'm shedding
bad skin
learning to be
this new me

if this is your love
then
i don't want it

i am a work of art
imperfect
in motion

my canvas changes with time
people leave marks
experiences in many hues

everyone sees me
only you understand

pull me into you
cover me
in your touches
smooth me out
make me purr

your words
weaving
sweet daydreams

fill me with
hope

until

the words
remain
just that.

my legs are kicking wildly
pushing me away
trying to get out from under
your oppression
your wringing of my soul

i know i went willingly
in the beginning
but now i have to stop it
before it's too late

2 empty glasses
left on the table
remnants
of a moment
not too far past

this year was ours
mine and yours

i am forever changed
i am new
i am ready

i know a love
like no other

i'm never
looking back

how do i say
i miss you
before
i have you

being content
never lasts long
when
you're faking it

this burning
wonder
does it bother you?

push you
like it pushes me?

do you even wonder?
how i am?

do you care?

are you still there?

...?

today
my peaceful river
reached a waterfall
i tumbled down
deep, deep
to the bottom

my sorrow
like the roaring noise
water's strength
water's howl

tomorrow
my river flows
wraps my mending heart
puts back in me
some hope

here
not here

with you
without you

joy
sorrow

can we be two things
at once?

so, wait a minute.

are you leading me?
or am i leading you?

getting to know you in pieces
little glimpses
through your windows

these savored moments
the seeds
of the future

this dream life
is starting to blend in
with my real life

i've slowly become trapped
i'm no longer me
grasping in the dark
for the latch that,
when opened,
will set me free

our love
makes me a liar

i'm a secret
hiding in plain sight

you probably feel me
or hear me sneaking at night

i can give you a hint
if you really want to know

but most of the time
it's better to let me go

you're like..
the opposite of love
in human form

awake
asleep

i dream in both

escaping my reality

day
& night

saved all of my tears
until they burned
and i became nothing

love is time
and time
is precious

destined
for
wheel spinning
and
second guessing
what i said
and
awkwardly
ghosting
everyone

you enjoyed me
when i was the fantasy
a memory
of a person long gone

i tried too hard
to be real
to you

so now
you're gone

am i real
without my voice?

compromise
has a price
that i have
overpaid

you know how
there are
both
no words
and
infinite words
for
us

i grew you
in my
heart
but
i had to
let you
go

what's the rush, baby?
i was here before
i will
be here always

i know
i could be brave
and evolve
and walk
confidently
over this hill
and on to the horizon

but
instead
i see in your eyes
the reminder
that you didn’t want me
and i just
fall
into this deepness
drowning
in
sad reality
an ache
of being unwanted
of dwelling
on
this

i know
i could
just
…
walk away

but
i
dont

my feelings
are not a secret
so
they shouldn't be
a surprise

my body
rejects my sadness
hardens me instead