on your last day
the sun was shining
and big white clouds ran across the sky

someone held you tight
and told you, "i love you"
admired you
and cherished you

on your last day
all of your love poured out

you inspired
and you soared
you lived
and you died

your love remains
always

i'm getting closer
to being OK
with keeping our love
in my pocket

and one day
she will realize

her magic

and then
her power
will be

limitless

you push me
to the heights
lift me
from the depths

am i
tumbling
into another life?

forever
keeps getting shorter
while i
keep getting older

time
will
run
out

at what point
do i stop believing
your words
and instead
accept
your actions
as the truth?

the fire
for me
in your heart
died quietly

tell me,
love

where did it go?
and
why
don’t you know?

somehow
all of a sudden
every dream
is about you

a lone hand
outstretched
pulling me back up
from my darkness
the only one
who could

and then
the day came, when
your name

didn’t
cross my mind

the
tiny flame
that stayed
inside
me
for you
is burning me
alive

we lived a thousand lives
together
in my dreams
and not one
came true

my blooms
never reach the sun
because
you crush each one

he said,
what if we have
feelings
that
cannot be described in words?

all of a sudden
i'm walking into a clearing
where my path appears to end

sometimes
i seem to
know where i am going

then
without warning
i don't

unfortunately
this vision
of my future

doesn't include you

this smile
is a lie

a year ago
i found you
smiling, looking for me

we found ourselves
close

big room
feels small with you

your hand
on me

walked out of there
we

a year ago
i found you

no matter
what i do
can't stop
loving you

since i’ve loved you
i’ve only
loved
you

you can't be my craving
you have to be my constant
not something i am always
grasping for
reaching for more

you have to be
always inside
peacefully flowing

i wouldn't
dare
give you
my heart
again

the words flow up
toward my mouth

my lips have never spoken them

but i've said them a thousand times

it's hard to believe
that
this is true

since
just a few days ago
i saw you

sometimes
when i look back to you
i am astonished
with how your eyes
meet mine
paralyze me
with this look
that words cannot describe

the bottom
dropped out

but
in
the best way
possible

like
when
the dam
breaks

the goodness
is flowing
into
my
open
arms

tired of daydreams
dissolving
in the face of reality

today
my long-term wondering
becomes a short-term demand

gatekeeper
gaslighter
hateful
little
man

if i can’t rise
above you
then
im not sure
where i am

when does
patience
become
self-sabotage?

when
i am still
for too long
the sadness
is louder
so
i have to
keep
moving

can you tell me why
this life is worth living
without you?

do i have to keep smiling
to convince you that i'm ok?

does my mask make you happier
than my true face?

where is the line
between optimism
and denial?

my gentle heart
feels a fool

what happens
now
when
i don't love you
anymore?

no one
but me
knows how
to set this goddess free

words
you didn't
say
because
they were hidden
in
bliss

what would i do?

becomes

what will i do?

and in the middle of the night
i woke
and heard the words
emerge from the darkness

"i love you"
was all that you said

but
that was all
i needed to hear

give me more
change
uncertainty

push me
to make something
beautiful
out of
my sorrow

the aurora glows
     shifts into shapes
     only my heart understands

things the heart knows
but words cannot tell

when stars fill the sky
when the waves crash
when you look into my eyes

maybe
something
born of a lie
will
always
die

to know
your love
is the greatest privilege
of my heart

from beneath the layers
of my buried past
you emerged
suddenly

old love, regifted

i’ll cry
every night
for you

for our joy
for our pain
for this gift

you
already
gave

i don't even have to see you
to know that everything has changed

i don't want to see
the look in your eyes

that tells me
it's over

no word
no phrase

can conquer
the depth

of this

today may be a better day
but
it’s still a day
without you

i'm looking
at this empty chair
with my heart's wish
and true desire
to see you there