A body,
consciousness,
and a name -
all this in certainty.

Yet I often sense
I am nothing more than
a question asked.


- fr

Organizing his school bag,
my son found a
Mother’s day card
he forgot to give me.

He apologized and
handed it to me
with a look of
pride and love
in his eyes.

I hugged him,
while struggling
so my own eyes
wouldn’t water over.

I walked back to
my room, and sat
next to my husband;
another loving soul,
and suddenly
it hit me
like a freight train...

an Epiphany.
In a matter of seconds
it all flashed
before me,
mere seconds,
that told me
SO much.

I realized that
how I was raised,
growing up in a
constant state of
fear and quiet rage,
I was led to believe
I wasn’t special
or worthwhile.

MY thoughts
and feelings
had no meaning
or place,
to anyone.

Family,
Love,
Acceptance,
Self love
and Peace...
all ripped
from me.

Believing the Lies
that I would never
be or accomplish anything;
would NEVER be good
enough;
was WRONG for just
being...Me.
I lived only a half life.

Existing,
but never LIVING.

I longed for all
the things I never had;
all those beautiful
vocabulary words
and adjectives
I never understood.
Nothing tangible,
but more
immeasurable
and abstract.

Now, as I looked around,
I saw what I had,
and it scared and
unnerved me,
yet made my eyes
glisten with tears
of realization.

Realization
that I now had
my ‘Family’
who ‘Accepted’
everything about me,
and seemed to
‘Love’ me,
unconditionally.

What do you do
with that?
How do you deal?

I don’t have
a perfect or age-old
wise answer.

All I can say is,
that door which was
slammed shut
and locked in my
early life,
was now wide open,
and Love
walked through,
finally.

Maybe this time
it’s here
to stay.


-by Mercurychyld
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