And i have always been a happy person. You look up synonyms for the word "happy" and you get results like, carefree, and lighthearted, but that is definitely not me. I'm happy, but my heart stays heavy and my head filled with cares. I stay up for so long that when i come down, i come down hard. I come down with weights tied to my feet and the feeling of falling has always terrified me. I come down with these thoughts that i can't seem to shake and they play over and over in my head like a broken record. I become a person that i don't like, one that i dont recognize.  It makes me wonder if that's who i really am, underneath it all. That's what terrifies me the most, and that is why i get back up again.

"True love never did run smooth."* Nothing has ever run smooth, has it? Life is water with waves and tides and depths and no part of it has ever run smooth. Lines are blurred in this big blue ocean and nothing is ever certain. How can we be so sure when there is so much left unknown. Miles and miles and miles ahead are things we would never dream of. Miles of prose to be heard, miles of sky to be touched, miles of eyes never met, and miles of dreams to be made. They stretch out ahead of us but we can never see just past the horizon. I hope you are still here, just past my horizon.

Repetition of small
Moments
To enjoy them
Is the greatest task
Leading to true contentment
Warm smell of chicken roasting
Kissing two little heads
Worth more than life itself
Television filling up the silence
Airplane noise
Smell of spring in the air
Freshly green leaves
Soft carpet under my toes
Headache reminding I'm still alive
What insignificantly
Important pieces

I felt the sudden change in the air
As icy breath clung I was made aware
Outside my window the shadows fell
But it was too early for night to tell
Still it was cold and dark I know
Then came that knock upon the door
"Thomas , whom I come looking for
Won't you open up for evermore ?"

I shook with fear , for all the years
Suddenly I was filled with tears
I had always made my covered bed
And in absolution I held my head
Still you have no earthy clue
When comes that knock upon the wood
"Thomas , oh Thomas ,  if you would
Unbolt the lock now if you could."

I stood in silence , made not a sound
But by the shadow upon the ground
I knew he waited so patiently
Waiting ! Waiting , there for me
"Come Thomas , the seconds few
You cannot avoid what's in store for you
Do not bother looking for the key
For I have kept it safely here with me ."

I said I was not afraid of Death
That I would not bend in my final breath
Then I remembered my father's passing
How the stillness became so everlasting
And I knew I was no more special
That life is certainly full and spacial
So I opened up the door
"I am Thomas , the Thomas of whom you do implore ."