There's a tiredness in my bones that runs deeper than my ability to think. I am tired of this life, of living for the others I am driven to love. They are difficult. I am exhausted.

I will not be with you forever.

It’s a simple truth many do not wish to hear, we may split apart in life due to differences of any kind, our bodies may fail us, only for our spirits to be separated for all eternity.

But no matter what happens, a part of me will always love you, and I know this. You’ve wrapped yourself so tightly into me, and I didn’t notice. How?
I will never know how, when I had pushed my walls up higher than they had ever been. If a prince could not love me then what good was I to anyone else. I had given up until you convinced me to try.

I don’t miss you like I feel I should, I know I am broken but I hate it, it is not fair on you. Should love be suffering? I’m not sure, I never have been sure.

I develop crushes, I watch tv shows – all to distract myself from the thought of you, the thought of loving so deeply again.

Please understand that I do not understand, but I theorise it is because I am terrified of losing myself. I’m scared of splitting into pieces that I can’t stick back together because ****, the last time I loved, oh the last time I loved I gave my entire self in all its forms and it wasn’t enough.

But I’m trying to make sure you stay, because, without you, I’d be so lonely and lost. I am trying to communicate and...

I'm sorry.

on poetry*

A poem is only a mouthful of air
until it is read.
Imagine it. Craft it carefully
from your heart's flesh.
Seal it in a bottle
of clear, pure words.
Set it adrift on
the ocean of time,
life's restless surge,
until a few congruous spirits
pluck it from the sea-wrack
and recognize a message
that illuminates their souls.
Readers find writers;
never the opposite.

You said if you could have it your way,
you'd sleep in a coffin,
confined space is home for you.

Or is it because death could call at any moment,
and even at your final breath - being an inconvenience is unthinkable.

You said you fear for the one you love,
and how much her heart would break if you left.
You really care for her? "Yeah, yeah I really do."

I'd protect her with my life,
just so you'd keep smiling.

You said that you worry that you're a burden,
even when you light up the room with your soul,
Sunlight turns to moonlight with few - Melancholy Prince.

I'd smash your insecurities but I worry you'd become arrogant,
because with all the chips and flaws that you are so keen to notice...

I think you're beautiful.

I sit watching over the people I love most
And suddenly I feel like who I was again.

The prince, it seems, has learnt to trust me.
His eyes are closed and a smile plays upon his face
Even in sleep he lights the world around him and I wonder
how anyone could not see (and love) his beauty,
bursting forth in luminescent colour that masks his own insecurities.

I knew she trusted me
And in return, I protect her with everything I have
While she loses her senses, I catch her , feed her.
Makes sure she sleeps easy and awakens in time to
rush haphazard along into the life I am unable to fix.

My friend that mirrors me, curls around her.
He fogs his mind so he doesn't have to think
in the times when he cannot sleep.
His smile isn't real, simply a mask.
In the dark, I see his eyes glint in worry.

Helplessly, I watch over them.

I knew you had a princess
you told me day one.

What you didn't say is how wonderful she is
how talented and how nothing I could do measured up to the
beauty she is, creates and masters.

Her womanly elegance far surpasses my freckled childlike wonder
and I look at what I can never be, and I won't change for you.
I did that before and it shattered me.

Love has never been my role, mine is
one of the long game, of guardianship.
A light to lead the way home.

I see now, that she's yours.