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Late nights
Turn to early mornings
Crowded beds
Become more appealing
When you’re wrapped up in someone’s arms
Only sleep for maybe an hour
But it doesn’t matter
Your mood couldn’t have soured
Being pressed up against that warm body
A hand resting on your side
Your mind slowing down for once
Different thoughts start to form
Unsure of what to do
You burry your face
That hand moves though
And soon
You are face to face
With entrancing eyes
Chin tipped up just a bit
Next thing you know
That high you felt hours ago
Is replaced with something better
Their lips against yours
You break apart
Your don’t stop smiling for what seems like hours
And all you do
Is wish you had said what you thought
Don’t stop
It was all worth only getting a hour and a half of sleep that night.
How do I say this?
I mean I have worked hard
To be able to
I told myself I would tell
The next person to test me

But when it happened last night
My attempts were futile
I still couldn’t say it
Weakly I pushed him away
He wouldn’t stop though
His tongue was down my throat
He gripped my ***
I didn’t enjoy it
But I couldn’t bring myself
To tell him that

Others want us together
Maybe I should give it time
Let him do as he pleases
That’s what they want
They tell me he’s great in bed
Do I dare?

No.

I can’t let anything happen.

Again.

I need to fully consent
But I don’t think I could with him

He’s so strong though
If I don’t tell him
He will take my silence as consent.

Again.

How can I say it?

Do I want to?

Yes.

I do.

He isn’t who I want
But is who I’m supposed to
No one would bat an eye
If I said I was with him
Unlike with the other
For I know they would ask

He likes you?
I thought he wasn’t your type?
You gave it up, didn’t you?

Maybe I should give it up

But with who?

Do I consent to something
I’m supposed to like?

Or to what I want to try?

Do I allow something that is to come?

Or do I wait for what I want
That might not come?

Maybe I should become
That **** that they keep calling me.

I guess I’ll wait to see
If I consent.
I do really want to go for what I want but he currently isn't here. Maybe I should just go for what wants me instead.
He speaks with an edge
Calls himself evil things
Tries to hold himself to them
But then he touches you
These simple gestures hold
An unspoken gentleness
One he keeps hidden from view
But with his arms around you
You can feel that there is a sweeter side
Those dark eyes that pierce you
Have such untouched depth
That you want to sit and talk for hours
If it means that you can see
His emotions play across those eyes
A simple gesture
Of not removing your head from his shoulder
Brings you great joy
His persona would have been mean about it
But he just smiles and carries on
Early in the morning
When you both think the other is asleep
His arms stay around you
Never wavering
Those calloused fingers
Trace careful circles along your side
Something so hard shouldn’t be so sincere
The moment his arms pull you closer to him
As his breath stays steady
Your heart sores at his warm embrace
But the sweetest of moments
Is that of his strong hand
Gently tipping your chin up
To let his subtle lips meet yours
Shrouded in hazy morning light
His lips lighting every inch of you on fire
Those sensations so foreign to you
But make you want to travel
To every place they speak of
Putting on paper the things that won't leave your mind.
...is that I was scared but you made me feel better.

...is that I loved having you hold me.

...is that I felt comfort from you playing with my hair and I didn't truly mean to deter you. I just didn’t know what to say.

...is that I enjoy how you treat me. I only voice complainants to have something to say.

...is that I actually liked watching you play your stupid video games.

...is that I would love for you to teach me how to play. I would loudly protest but behind that show of dislike I would love that you took the time and had the patience to teach me how to play.

...is that I want you to pick me up and place me on you lap because I would never put myself there.

...is that I have never been on a real date.

...is that I don’t know how to properly act when it comes to subtle hints. I will over think it all because of how I was raised.

...is that I ask you those questions about my own life because it’s all against what I was taught.

...is that I hate the way my mom talks about you.

...is that I hate the way my mom talks about me.

...is that I don’t exercise because when I do I feel belittled and ugly by my parents comments.

...is that I felt confident because you said I looked good in that shirt, even if I did ask you.

...is that I felt **** because of me for once and not my clothes that morning you kissed me the first time.

...is that I loved your best friend but we have both moved on and I have moved on to you.

...is that I know I’m probably wasting my time trying to go after you but I see it as a worthy cause.

...is that I know I’ll most likely get hurt by you but I welcome it.
A list of things I won't tell you but you will end up knowing because of this. Oops.
Dark eyes glint in the night
But nothing is as it seems
This isn’t a predator of evil
Though it can be one of flesh
It hates to be one of the mind
Yet somehow I feel at home
I know I am walking into the lion’s den
Laying down by it’s side
And trusting it not to hurt me
I am aware this is foolish
But I don’t really care
I left my worries and concerns at the door
Those aren’t needed here
I have faith in my captor
Though I’m not held against my will
I enjoy every second of it
The old me would have hated it
All of it
From being so close to someone
To letting someone speak to me the way they do
Though it isn’t completely wrong
I know those words aren’t meant to hurt me
Somehow I am unscathed
I feel I could flourish here
Poison flowing freely
Words not leaving marks
Only actions matter
Strong arms holding me prisoner
But I am oh to willing
Now I just fantasize of a predator’s eyes
I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes his eyes come back to life in my mind and fantasies start over again. How am going to sleep for a whole month at this rate?

— The End —