It's midnight on the outskirts of Surabaya.
I'm sitting alone on the terrace of an old cafe.
While looking at the empty street.
Slowly smoking my cigarette and sipping my coffee which is no longer hot.
But my mind is not here.
My mind is still far away in Gaza.
Where there is long chaos that still not over for more than a year.
Until I'm tired of seeing it every day like an endless daily horror show.
Now my phone is connected to WiFi.
Then I open the social media accounts of people from Gaza.
Ahmed , Omar , Eman , Abdallah , Mariam , Mohammed and others.
As usual they always post.
I'm Still Alive... I'm Still Alive... I'm Still Alive...
But there is a Facebook account that has been silent for a long time.
This account has not posted anything for months.
Of course I am very worried and I always wonder what happened to her.
is she still alive or dead ?!
This account belongs to a girl named Nour.
She fled from her home in Al Rimal , Gaza City.
I have known her since the end of last year.
Then we felt close to each other.
Connected thought and feeling.
Between Gaza and Surabaya.
I remember that usually every day I always gave her words of encouragement.
So that she could get through the chaotic , heavy , tiring and dangerous days.
Nour always told me whatever she was experiencing.
Her fears... her suffering... her bitterness... her anxiety... her sadness... her exhaustion...
I feel it all too.
Sometimes the situation was calm for a moment.
Calm enough for Nour to reflect on her past life.
She uploaded photos of her house , her neighborhood , her campus and the beautiful corners of Gaza City.
When everything was still there before October 7.
For Nour nostalgia was a momentary consolation.
Her solace in the midst of long suffering.
I was always lost in her nostalgia no matter what she told me.
With her friends she often hung out at beachside cafes.
Walked along the busy streets of Al Rashed then ate corn and drank coffee on the corniche.
Or spent money shopping for clothes at Watan mall and Capital mall.
Reading novels was Nour's main hobby.
She often bought novels at Samir Mansour's bookstore.
Then she read the books in her comfort room.
Pink walls , a neatly arranged table and a big teddy bear on the bed.
Cooking was another of Nour's hobbies.
Usually every day she cooked anything on the stove in front of her tent.
Falafel , mulukhiya , manakeesh , maqluba.
Everything looked so delicious that it made me curious.
In my life I have never eaten Arabic foods.
Nour also had a hobby of listening to music.
She told me to listen to Fairuz's songs.
A legendary diva singer from Lebanon who she idolized.
I was fascinated by listening Fairuz's soft voice singing an Arabic songs whose lyrics I didn't understand.
Nour used to have a cat with thick white fur.
A fat and cute cat named Kimba.
Every day Kimba was always pampered by Nour.
But sometimes Nour complained because Kimba ate too much.
While the price of cat food went up high.
Tragically , after Eid Kimba went missing for days and then found dead after being shot by a quadcopter.
Kimba's death made Nour so depressed.
Nour studied at the Islamic University of Gaza.
The campus had been destroyed and her studies stopped in the fifth semester.
But she was always proud to have been Refaat's student.
Inheriting his teachings to fight with writing.
writing anything about Palestine and life in Gaza.
Where souls have life not just considered as numbers.
I'm afraid that in the end Nour will just become a number.
A statistical number of martyrs that continues to increase every day.
While the world is unable to do anything but just watch endless massacres.
Taking lives forcefully and painfully.
Nothing is not painful in Gaza.
But for me it hurts more not to have any news from Nour.
I feel the emptiness of losing her.
I miss conversations with her.
But now there's nothing I can do but just look at her photos.
Admiring her beautiful face , her sparkling eyes and her charming smiling lips.
It seems like I've fallen in love with her.
Where are you now ?.... where are you Nour ?...
For months I have always asked Nour like that.
But until now there has been no answer at all from Nour.
If only she gave me any news for a moment.
I would feel very relieved.
Don't leave me !.. please don't leave me alone !..
Nour usually always begged me like that.
She wanted me to always be there for her.
But now she's not there for me.
She has left me without a word.
When I'm looking at the night sky for a moment.
I wonder about Nour's fate.
Has Nour become one of the stars in the sky ?!...
This isn't fair , I've known Nour for too short at this bad time.
I just want Nour to stay on earth , stay in the city of Gaza that she loved.
I really wanted to meet her at the good time we hoped for , the time when the land of Palestine has been liberated.
December 2024
By Alvian Eleven
