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Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2015
I lay in my bedroom and pondered one day
Why no one I knew would seem to stay the same

Was angry and broken, and felt so put down
And before I knew it was face to the ground.

Things looked so different laying down there
When I looked up at you, the world seemed to glare.

I beat the ground like you beat me sometimes
Now I'm just searching for something here that rhymes

I don't understand why you do this to me
Come to me fighting like a returning dream

I lay here sometimes thinking of how we fought
And so here I lay again writing my thoughts

And as I lay here, something came to my mind.
Something that made me wonder if I was blind.

All the things about you I seemed to hate so
Were things I made of you-shaping my own foe.

The way you talked to me was my own mad voice
Now with heavy heart, I had to make a choice.

So there I lay with my hot tears rolling down
But as I always did, not making a sound

I realized too late that what forced you away
Was my strong willpower asking you to stay

So though in my heart you took one of two spots,
You were a painting I had covered with blots

As much as I desperately wanted to stay,
With tears on my face, I would push you away

Your perfect portrait was something I had maimed
And now thanks to me you will not be the same.

But for your own good, I swear to let you go
Maybe one day your portrait will be as snow

Don't understand how you forgive me this way
All I can tell you is to keep me at bay.

I'm sorry, I love you.
Post script:
I love you more than words can say
And that is why I cannot stay.

To everyone I have hurt by making them like me. I am so so sorry. I can only hope that one day, your painting may be made beautiful again. I have splattered mud on it, and though it will never be the same, perhaps the artist might use the mud to color the sand.

— The End —