Hey.
Let me tell you something;
Every morning,
I'll go outside and
Close my eyes and
Think:
Who am I?
Why does it feel like
There's not a person
In the world that
Sees me
Understands me
My mind is so
Crowded
Messy
Filled with
Mixed messages.
Angel and demon
Dark and light
Wrong and right.
Why do I feel so helpless?
So useless?
Why do I feel so small
In a big world?
Obstacles that challenge me
Physically
Emotionally
Mentally
Psychologically
People tell me that
It's my pride
It's me trying to
Compensate for my
Own actions
It's me against myself.
They say that I can't do it alone.
But they're wrong.
Failure is not an option.
Failure is not an opportunity.
Failure is quitting,
Giving up,
On myself.
On the kids that look up to you.
On the friends that depend
On you to be there.
On the weak that rely on you
To stand up against the abusers.
Giving in, giving up
Is not an option.
Not for me.
They say that it's not
My burden to carry.
Not my burden to carry
Other people's pain
Other people's suffering
Other people's weaknesses
Not my burden
To carry the world.
If you want to tell me that
It's not mine to carry,
It's not mine to protect,
It's not mine to be strong,
Then you don't know me.
Hell, if you think you know me,
I don't know how.
Because I don't know me.
Who am I?
Who am I supposed to be?
What am I supposed to do?
Not later, but now.
Because now,
More than ever,
I just want to hide,
To leave this world.
To leave and
To never come back.
Now, more than ever,
I want to die so badly.
To see friends come up and ask,
"How are you doing?"
But to never know
The real answer.
Because their questions
Never really were
Meant to be.
I can't live in the moment
Or for tomorrow.
I just can't.
I'm breaking my own rules.
Life is going to **** me.
Either life or it'll be me.
