why can't I
just
simply get back
on
track, move on
and
continue facing the
battles
ahead? battles everyday
from
the moment i
lift
my limbs and
open
my eyes, only
to
see that the
world
i've
created for so
long
is
crumbling slowly and
painfully
in front of
me
and i can't
do
anything to mend
it?
when did i
ever
start to feel
this way?

there
are
days
when
I
can
see
the
light
shining
again

when the worst
of the worst
finally end, or
so I thought.
that's the time
when I will decide
to give life
another shot maybe
it's not always
that bad, right?
i will leisurely
set my feet
on the ground,
feel it steady
beneath my soles
i will think
that yes, i
can do this
just like before
when I bend
my legs and
start walking again,
i am silently
waiting for the
slight tremor where
even the breeze
makes my heart
pound so hard
before, i think
that i can
do this but
being here, my
mind screams that
no, i will
be forever stuck
where i am,
and I am
so **** scared
because that is
okay with me
being stuck i
can't help but
just accept this
cruel fate because
this is my fault
or it's not
really a fault
because i know
that i chose
this

this isn't
wrong it just
so happens that
doom and freedom
means differently for
different people and
i am one
of the few
who happen to
interchange the meaning
of the two.