I swore that I was never going to do this again.
I was never going to have another sleepless night
Staying up convincing someone to live
When I could have been sleeping,
Or reading,
Or dreaming.
When I could have been doing anything but that.
I swore I was never going to play
The Sleeping Or Dead game
With another person I care about.
No more driving around at one in the morning
Tapping on windows to make sure
Someone was still breathing.
I swore I was never going to do any of it again,
But here I am.
I tell myself to stay away.
Not to get involved if I see it.
I swore that I would never care again.
That I would never try again.
Never would I feel the pain of loss again
Yet Here I Am
Living in this moment,
While you're slowly dying

*The Suicide Diaries