In these silences of utter loneliness I stop and reflect;
Is this really my life?
Have I actually spent all these years trying to find change when in reality I've been stuck in this round-about since I was born.
I can't escape it.
This is my reality.
Of course there are peaks
Of course I have moments of true happiness and bliss which seem enough to be alive for in the moment.
But those moments have passed, all of them that may have existed in my lifetime, it seems.
I feel as if tomorrow will be another black day on my calendar.
Another year full of shed tears
More fallen hope
My crumbling spirit..
How?
On this day, one of the happiest for Muslims, how has it been consistently marked for destruction?
How have I been running away from my family due to sheer pain and sadness on such a beautiful day of reuniting?
Not one, not two, but for the past six years it seems, peace has not entered this home.
Please Allah, let today be different.


                                                 *s.q.